You’re right on target with these thoughts.

Personally I’m all in favor of friendliness and civility (as you have probably noticed by now ). I think being rude to (or about) someone is the most effective way to get them to stop listening to me. And if they’re not listening, I’m wasting my time. It doesn’t matter if my rudeness attracts a crowd of admirers – because that crowd will be people who agreed with me before I ever opened my mouth. I won’t be changing anything by having them listen to me.

Exactly. I read some “inner-circle” atheist sites that I enjoy because they have good information on topics I’m interested in, but I see outsiders who venture in there and they are promptly slapped down and ridiculed. What good does that do for anybody? If anything, it just hardens opinions on both sides. We definitely need more civil dialogue in this country (and in general all over the world) if we want to move forward on all sorts of progressive issues.

Karen, the pragmatist.

Yup. I’m working on it! It’s harder than you may think, though, to undo a lifetime of one way of thinking and just *presto change-o* do it different.

Mike, I just want to step in here a sec to say how impressed I am with your willingness to be open to change and your eagerness to learn – even from people whom you might have dismissed immediately a few months ago.

It’s awesome to see how dialogue and mutual respect, on both sides, can result in something so positive. Thanks for your honesty and your enthusiasm on the boards.

Mark Driscoll is a young, successful senior pastor but I don’t really care if he draws a big crowd. I find his tone very distasteful and I’m disappointed that evidently he is praised too much for his ‘directness’ to have any reason to change it

I remember reading an excerpt from one of his books several months ago and thinking whaaaa????Then I saw that most of the pastors at my old church had several of his books on their recommended reading lists and I thought…have you read this man? Sarcasm may be witty but it is not kind. I value kindness very highly.

Civility is always good.

I have heard from a few atheist who say I’m too lenient with the churches I visit.

I’m not surprised to hear that. Were they commenting on your reviews written after your visits, or on what you said when you were given a voice, like at Parkview, in those three dialogs?

Would it be possible for you to be ‘less lenient’ in the way those atheists would like and still be friendly? Or does being friendly require you to be ‘more lenient’ than they would like?

Personally I’m all in favor of friendliness and civility (as you have probably noticed by now ). I think being rude to (or about) someone is the most effective way to get them to stop listening to me. And if they’re not listening, I’m wasting my time. It doesn’t matter if my rudeness attracts a crowd of admirers – because that crowd will be people who agreed with me before I ever opened my mouth. I won’t be changing anything by having them listen to me.

And that wasn’t intended to be directed just at atheists, as if they are the only ones who ever have encouraged rudeness. Mark Driscoll is a young, successful senior pastor but I don’t really care if he draws a big crowd. I find his tone very distasteful and I’m disappointed that evidently he is praised too much for his ‘directness’ to have any reason to change it.

Helen– I’ll respond to the comments on “eBay atheist” soon. And while I’m interested in how Christians answer your questions, I have heard from a few atheist who say I’m too lenient with the churches I visit.

The whole issue of change…I wonder what sort of internal character change Christians who want to change you would hope to see in in you, Hemant. Are you too friendly? Too honest? Is your work ethic too high? Do you care too much about projects that help people in need? Hmmmm