Rapture Havoc

The Onion

Rapture Wreaks Havoc On Local Book Club

MARION, IN—Following last week’s rapture, which transported four members of the Millersville Mockingbirds Book Club to heaven in order to be with Jesus Christ, the three remaining members have reportedly been scrambling to maintain a regular Wednesday meeting schedule as well as the usual coffee-and-pastry rotation.

“It’s a shame because I think Shirley had the most stimulating opinions, and I was really looking forward to hearing what she’d have to say about [Fannie Flagg's Standing In The Rainbow] right before her ascension,” said club member Diane Valinsky Monday. “And we were supposed to meet at Lucas’ house this week, but I guess that’s out now, seeing as the armies of Satan are on the march.”

Valinsky said she and the remaining members were not surprised that the Antichrist turned out to be Mitch Albom, calling his latest fiction effort, For One More Day, “disappointing.”

Man, that always ruins my night.

If we make plans, the least you could do is let me know you’ve been raptured.

It’s just common courtesy.


[tags]onion, atheist, atheism, rapture, fundamental, Christianity, Jesus Christ, Satan, Mitch Albom, For One More Day[/tags]

  • http://inthenuts.blogspot.com King Aardvark

    It’s astounding that “the boy who cried wolf” syndrome hasn’t set in with the Rapture yet. Hell, they’ve been predicting it on a regular basis practically since the alleged date of the resurrection, and still people buy it every single time. Scientists give one false alarm for a tsunami warning, and next time everybody just stands there and gets drowned.


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