The Bolingbrook Babbler

A local “tabloid” uncovers the secret atheist agenda (like that whole “Math” conspiracy).

From now on, Sensible mathematics is the way to go:

[Dr. Jason] Marcus explained the principles behind Sensible mathematics.

* All math comes from a higher power.
* Zero is an Islamic/atheistic concept, and is meaningless because the higher power is everywhere.
* All numbers are rational, for the higher power is rational.
* All mathematical functions must work on the assumption that Pi equals 3.

The Panel also tested some talking points that they plan on introducing to sympathetic commentators.

“The Algebra of terrorism!”

“Math teaches our kids to be zeros!”

“Homicide bombers believe in zero too!”

“Using Arabic numbers is un-American!”

“Pro-math is pro-Atheist!”

When asked about this new mathematics, retired schoolteacher Al Lunger replied, “This is silly. Mathematics has nothing to do with a belief in God or not.”

Nationally known skeptic and atheist Rebecca Watson exclaimed, “The stupid! It burns!”

Hmm… that doesn’t sound like Rebecca to me. She’s usually more eloquent when she speaks. But if it’s in the Babbler, it must be true!

(And while you’re add it, avoid these sites.)


[tags]atheist, atheism, Bolingbrook Babbler, mathematics, Dr. Jason Marcus, zero, Islam, pi, terrorism, Arabic, Al Lunger, God, skepchick, Rebecca Watson[/tags]

  • anti-nonsense

    sounds like somebody failed grade 8 math and is bitter.

  • Maria

    this is scary……..

  • Tim D.

    Ooh, ooh! Hemant, can you help me get a good price for my soul on eBay? I was wondering what’s the going rate 0_0

  • Richard Wade

    This stuff is the work of genius. True journalism at its finest. Check out some of the other headlines: “Deadly human/tree hybrid assassins terrorize Lisle Sun columnist,” or “Vampires pick-up teens on myspace.” What’s scary about this is that there are people imbecilic enough to believe this kind of silliness, but who can still dress themselves and leave the house unattended.

  • ash

    was i the only person who noticed the disclaimer right at the bottom of the site?

    Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction.

    funny shit tho…

  • Richard Wade

    I noticed it too. I guess I’m tired of the over-the-top extremist parody masquerading, with or without a disclaimer, as straight opinion. Too many gullible people take it seriously and either foam at the mouth against it or adopt it as their own opinion, thinking the site legitimizes their lunatic views. The joke has gotten old.

  • Karen

    Richard Wade, I completely agree with you. The Onion does it beautifully, so does Mr. Deity, but the trend has gotten way out of hand. By now it just seems like a silly waste of time. And when atheists buy into it, it often comes off rude and mean-spirited.

  • ash

    Richard Wade – i got that when i re-read your post (and Hemant’s comments), but i was too lazy to change mine…

    i think i may be too stoopid for this kind of comedy, and i’m becoming obsessed with reading the fine print on every site that mentions god to see if it’s honestly for real or not, for exactly the reasons you mention.

    can we not get back to the ghostbusters vs jesus pics again? i knew where i stood with those…!


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