Friendly Atheist Contest #1: Sherri Shepherd’s Next Crazy Comment

Blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni were kind enough to send me a box of these &*#$ing awesome wristbands:

FriendlyAtheistBand

They come in yellow, black, grey, purple, green, and blue!

You can have one.

Any color you want.

I’ll send it to you.

How do you get it?

Come up with the best answer to this question:

What absurd statement will Sherri “Is the world flat? I don’t know” Shepherd make next?

I’m the judge. Enter as many times as you’d like :) Be funny.

Deadline is a week from now. You could be sporting a Friendly Atheist wristband in no time!


[tags]atheist, atheism, The View, contest, free[/tags]

  • Wasyl

    Moon landing? Obviously faked.

  • http://reasonableatheist.blogspot.com Bart

    “I don’t need to know if the earth is flat or not. I just take care of my children. After all, I don’t live next to the edge, so I don’t have to worry about my children falling off”

  • http://goofygyss.livejournal.com Brian Gyss

    “Does Human papillomavirus come from Spain?”

  • http://www.bolingbrookbabbler.com William

    “I hear all this talk about bacteria, and microbes and what ever. All I know is that Jesus heals, and if you’re sick, you need to do some more praying!”

  • Justin

    “Is the world flat? I don’t know… the only thing I’m absolutely sure of is that I will survive the death of my brain by having drank the blood and eaten the body of a dead, first-century Palestinian.”

  • Susan

    Well, she’s obviously more concerned about her son’s welfare than science. But if she hasn’t heard that the world is round, then surely she’s never heard of that wacky “germ” theory about disease.

    “Why should I tell my son to wash his hands? The Bible doesn’t say anything about little invisible creatures that will make him sick! And besides, a little dirt will help keep his humors in balance!”

  • The Unbrainwashed

    Sorry Hemant, it actually doesn’t get any worse than ignorance regarding the roundness of the Earth. I’m sure we can conjure up some humorous aphorisms, but the basic inanity of her statement is unbeatable. If anything deserves the prefix omni-, it is her omni-ignorant comment.

  • Gadren

    “Miss Teen South Carolina told us our education is suffering because US Americans don’t have maps. And what shape are maps? Flat! Or don’t you want to build up our future for our children?”

  • Mriana

    I want a purple one, but I can’t think of what absurd thing she would say next. It could be anything, but I’ll go with: “I don’t know. Let me look it up in the Bible”

  • Vincent

    It’s tough to top the flat earth.

    How about “Men are taller than women because having one less rib leaves more calcium for the leg bones.”

  • http://unorthodoxatheism.blogspot.com Reed Braden

    Is Whoopi black? I don’t know.

    Is Rosie fat? I don’t know.

    Should we value intelligence and education or go back to living in the stone ages and have our women dragged around by their hair for cave-raping? I don’t know.

    I don’t believe in globes. Did you know that Intelligent Cartography is scripturally based on scriptural fact?

    The sphere theory is just a theory.

    Is there a domed sky-firmament that is reachable at the four corners of our flat world that may possibly be lifted to reveal a glance at the fluffy, white clouds of heaven? I don’t know.

    Iraq? You know I don’t believe that nonsense. I can’t see it from here… it doesn’t exist.

    Afghanistan is not on this map of America. How can you possibly tell me it exists?!

  • Miresse

    GOLDBERG: What do you think?

    SHEPHERD: I… I never thought about it, Whoopi. Is the world flat? I never thought about it.

    GOLDBERG: Are you kidding?

    SHEPHERD: Am I kidding? I don’t know. That’s not the kind of thing that concerns me. What does concern me is eating my kids. I mean feeding my kids. Feeding them. Not eating them. I don’t believe in eating children.

  • http://evtujo.blogspot.com evtujo

    Consulting my crystal ball I see this comment on its way:

    “I think all religions are basically true, as long as they are Christ-centered.”

  • PrimateIR

    “A bat is a mammal? A bat is a mammal? I didn’t know a bat was a mammal?”

  • http://jtsmom.blogspot.com Cory :)

    I’m quite certain she’ll come back next week and tell them all that GAWD came to her while she was praying and insisted that she claim to be “scientifically challenged” because it would start discussions in which she could emphasize faith above all else.

    Also, he told her that he buried fake bones around to give people something to think about when they got to diggin’ around in the dirt and to give kids something to watch in the form of The Land Before Time.

    And then she’ll say “If you’ve *seen* The Land Before Time” you cannot deny that those are just animated creatures.

    And then Joy, who is laughing uncontrollably, will choke on her own spit. Shepherd will urge her to take a drink of water and then declare a national, televised miracle that Joy is still alive.

    The end.

    ;-p

  • http://www.templewhore.blogspot.com Slut

    “Is the Earth the center of the universe? I don’t know. I mean, the bible teaches that the earth is without movement as well as being possibly flat, right?”

  • http://www.templewhore.blogspot.com Slut

    Does sex cause babies? I don’t know. All I know is that was married for 6 years and my husband and I have two dogs and only one child.

  • http://www.templewhore.blogspot.com Slut

    “Do atheists secretly believe in God? Of course they do. They just want to rebel and deny God so they can sin.”

  • Brendan Dieffenbach

    “You know what this country’s biggest problem is? Jews.”

  • Brendan Dieffenbach

    “Look, I found Jesus. I get to keep him. Finders keepers. That’s in the Bible. Look it up.”

  • Brendan Dieffenbach

    “Boy, that Hermant Maheeta, what an asshole.”

  • http://hypatian.blogspot.com Graham

    “I can’t remember whether gluttony was supposed to be a sin, or not.”

    “How big is Europe? Not as big as my ridiculous hoop earrings.”

    “Ted Haggard is completely heterosexual.”

    “I wasn’t molested by a priest, I was touched by God.”

    “Is the chance of manifesting a recessive autosomal trait increased through consanguineous reproduction? I don’t know.”

  • Richard Wade

    The classic question from a flat-earther:

    “Well, if the Earth is round, why don’t we fall off?”

  • http://atheista.net benj

    You can get sexually transmitted diseases from using the same toilet!

    Ok, some old actress really said this in my country and everybody found it funny. haha

  • Kate

    “In defense of my statement on the earth…well, damnit, why SHOULD I be expected to know science? I’m a woman. Science is left up to the men of this world. And everything else that requires thought.”

  • Vincent

    I’m not really worried about global warming and the sea levels rising because if it gets real bad we can do what Noah did and gather all the animals on the QEII and wait for the floods to recede.

  • Mriana

    “Birthcontrol? I don’t know. Only God knows how many babies you’ll have.”

  • HappyNat

    “I has a bucket!!”

  • http://www.katsscratch.blogspot.com Kat

    “Are there windows in the solid firmament above that God sometimes opens and is that what ‘rain’ is? I don’t know.”

    “Are there really four legged fowls and are they really an abomination? I don’t know.”

    “Are bats really birds? That might require a trip to the library.”

    “Since the bible condones slavery but we’ve abolished it, have we done something wrong? I don’t know.”

  • Keith

    Is the friendly atheist really friendly? I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I just pay my student loans.

    Hemant, Christians are reading your book, enjoying it, coming to this site, and finding contests to make fun of Christians … do you get what this is doing to atheism? … please don’t squander the opportunity you have here, man

    I’m disappointed that Sherri Shepherd so fully indulges the stereotype that Christians are stupid in regard to science … it’s embarrassing, and it’s damaging … and I’m equally disappointed that you, Hemant, continue to indulge the stereotype that atheists prefer intellectual ridicule to seeking common ground … also embarrassing and damaging

    If this continues, you will end up wasting a golden opportunity to impact the perception of atheism by Christians who read your book and then visit your website … some of those Christians may not give their perception of atheism another chance after this one … don’t blow it / stop blowing it

    If possible, I would be happy to wear the bracelet, because I support your goal of improving the public perception of atheists … thank you. Good luck on your quest, bro.

  • Teresa

    If they could just understand they are all praying to the same Jesus, then the middle east would totally find peace!

  • stogoe

    “I has a bucket!!”

    “Oh noes! They be taking mah buckit!”

    “Is water wet? I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. I just know that my child drinks water, and its wetness or not doesn’t matter when I’m just trying to feed and bathe him, you know?”

  • Ann

    “Does the Sun revolve around the Earth? I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that. I’m too busy researching if the Earth is flat.”

  • HappyNat

    Keith,

    Hemant is making fun of Sherri because she is an idiot not because she is a Christian. This post makes no mention of her religion, just that she is a idiot who doesn’t know if the earth is round. Are you looking to be offended?

    Being friendly doesn’t mean you ignore when somebody says something stupid. What common ground are we supposed to find with Sherri?

  • stogoe

    that atheists prefer intellectual ridicule to seeking common ground

    We’re mocking the idea of a Flat Earth and pride in not knowing anything. If you want to claim that believing the earth is flat and refusing to ask questions and gain knowledge are required to be a Christian, I’ll let you. But I don’t think you want to do that.

  • Polly

    “Can’t the world be flat AND round, you know, like a pancake? I mean, just look at the moon, it’s flat AND round.”

  • Polly

    @keith,

    I will second HappyNat’s statement:

    This post makes no mention of her religion

    by saying that I didn’t even know Sherri was a xian since everyone on TV is kinda New Agey or in a non-xian cult. I doubt her comment had anything to do with her religion. Even if she were an atheist, the statement itself would be worthy of unabashed ridicule and she’d receive it.

  • Keith

    HappyNat & Stogoe,

    Thanks for the response. I am not offended by this. Yet surely you will acknowledge that this behavior is not friendly … even if it is not offensive.

    This is not the first time I have posted in this regard. This site is regularly posting topics that will only reinforce (rightly or wrongly) the negative stereotypes a Christian visitor might have of atheists. And given that Hemant’s book is partially intended to draw Christian visitors to this site, he needs to know this. This kind of post adds little value to the site, while adding great potential harm. That’s all. I’m not bothered by the comments – wanted to think of a clever one so that I could win the bracelet. I’m worried that Hemant is unintentionally missing a golden opportunity to improve the perception of atheists for the sake of jokes, contests, and trinkets … (as much as I enjoy all three)

    HappyNat, I am not looking to be offended nor do I think we should ignore when someone says something stupid. I did not challenge either of the first two reporting-style posts regarding Sherri Shepherd. This post seemed to go beyond “not ignoring” to ridiculing.

    Stogoe, in no way did I say anything remotely resembling, “believing the earth is flat and refusing to ask questions and gain knowledge are required to be a Christian,” and I trust you recognize that not only do I not want to say that, I in fact did not say that.

    My motivation for posting was not offense, but desire to see this site be a ever-increasing part of improving atheist-theist relationships. I’m sure you have similiar motivation.

    On behalf of visiting Christians who visit a site like this hoping for common ground … I’m saying, “I’m requesting a tone of civility from you. Just me as a human being, not a member of a group, asking you, a human being, to see this for a second from my eyes. Will you do this?”

  • Keith

    This post makes no mention of her religion

    Fair enough. However, this post is one of a series of posts in which her religion is at least hinted at (quoting Hemant’s first post):

    Either that, or she just believes anything her Bible tells her.

    This will help get some exposure to the complete idiocy of fundamentalist thought to a mass viewing audience.

    I consider these to statements to qualify as at least a “mention” of her religion. Also, the technorati tags for the original post includes the word: “Christian.”

    All that said, I appreciate that Hemant pointed to her fundamentalism and did not lump all Christians in with her … though not even all fundamentalists will suggest that the world is flat nor plead the fifth on the subject.

  • Dysentery

    Wait a minute, TV is PICTURES that are transmitted?!?!?! I’m on TV? NO NO NO, you’re going to steal my soul. I can’t be a part of this!!

  • Ralph Guiteau

    I would like a blue one..Here’s my question…I wonder what kind of cheese is the moon made of? Gouda or Brie?

  • Sean

    “You know, I just hate this time of year when the sun moves farther away from our side of the earth and it gets cold. I see it everyday now and I don’t like it!”

  • http://atheista.net benj

    YOUR RETARDED!

  • Siamang

    Is Chicken of the Sea chicken or fish?

  • LisaYou

    After consulting my map I have determind the world is flat.
    “Oh what’s that you have there, a globe. CRAP My head hurts”

  • http://yalb.wordpress.com/ Joe

    You can get sexually transmitted diseases from using the same toilet!

    Only if you sit down before the guy before you gets up.

    I’m guessing she might say something like: “Science is just another religion. They can believe whatever crazy thing they want to believe. Aren’t those scientists the ones who believe an alien namedXenu will take over the world or something?”

  • JBM

    Is my brain working? I don’t know.

  • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

    Keith, the Friendly Atheist is friendly, but he doesn’t treat religion or stupidity with kid gloves.

    And in case you were wondering, no, he is NOT so foolish as to treat religion and stupidity as one and the same. :)

  • Siamang

    Keith wrote

    On behalf of visiting Christians who visit a site like this hoping for common ground … I’m saying, “I’m requesting a tone of civility from you. Just me as a human being, not a member of a group, asking you, a human being, to see this for a second from my eyes. Will you do this?”

    Those words sound familiar.

    ;-)

  • Mriana

    Keith, dear, it’s not so much Christians, as it is her own people. :( Luckily, Whoopi conteracts that stereotype that Sherri is perpetuating with her behaviour. It saddens me that with all the ads stating, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” that we still see Black people living in ignorance and it only hurts the Black community. What stake do I have in it as a White person (with N.A. heritage)? My sons are 1/2 Black and that is why I care about this mess. If you noticed, my comments to this contest are more about ignorance than anything else really. The Bible doesn’t tell people everything and for people to rely on that book as their only source leaves them in a state of ignorance and perpetuates a stereotype about Black people even. Thanks goodness for Whoopi being on the View too! So, she is religious, but she doesn’t let her religion leave her in a state of ignorance. I commend Whoopi for many things, including for the “Advancement of Colored People”. Sherri isn’t doing such a good job of that.

    Even my sons, who I let see the video, frowned on Sherri’s ignorance. Their vote is for Whoopi too, because they see a potential role-model in her. It is people like Whoopi that helps the future of the next generation.

  • Scotty B

    “Be sure to watch The View. It will be broadcast using satellites that move across the Earth by the hand of God” or something to that effect. I mean seriously, what was this woman thinking? I hope she knows that God hates mixed fibers (http://godhatesmixedfibers.com/)

    Scotty B

  • http://scientianatura.blogspot.com Shalini

    YOUR APE THEORY EVILUTION IS FALSE!1!!!1!!!one

    (I learnt this from a troll over at my blog).

  • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

    “I don’t have time to think about oxygen, I’m just too busy breathing, and you know that takes up all of my mental capacity.”

  • kristi

    “Are microbes really to blame for disease? I don’t know, maybe yes if they’re really little tiny demons with really sharp pitchforks.”

    “Is the earth flat? I don’t know, I just know that we’d better stop digging holes before we poke all the way through. Satan’s on the other side, you know.”

    “Do all those people I see on TV actually live IN the TV? I don’t know, my husband won’t let me unscrew the back of it to let them all out.”

    (For the record, I don’t usually mock Christians. But if someone is both a Christian AND an idiot, it’s hard not to.)

  • Keith

    Those words sound familiar.

    :-)

  • Alyx

    “That banana explanation never said anything about the world being round…”

    “It’s not chicken, it must be mermaid of the sea!”

    “Baby, we got to go to the library because I don’t know the answer. You’ll have to stay in the religion section though, away from those God-fearing scientists and non-fiction books! Lies, I tell you!”

    “I just worry about feeding my kid every day on my six-figure salary, so I don’t have time to ponder lesser things in life.”

  • Tolga K.

    Dinosaurs?! Honey, I’ll believe in dinosaurs as soon as a… uh, *excitedly* A BRONTOSAURUS REX decides to take a stroll through my backyard. Don’t be givin’ me no crap about flossils!

  • http://blog.sidesix.com/ MindSpread

    WHOOPI GOLDBERG: Is the sky blue?

    SHERRI SHEPHERD: Is the sky blue? (laughter)

    GOLDBERG: Yes.

    SHEPHERD: …I Don’t know.

    GOLDBERG: What do you think?

    SHEPHERD: I… I never thought about it, Whoopi. Is the sky blue? I never thought about it.

    BARBARA WALTERS: You’ve never thought about whether the sky was blue or green?

    SHEPHERD: I tell you what I’ve thought about. How I’m going to feed my child–

    WALTERS: Well you can do both.

  • http://omega-geek.blogspot.com Spook

    “How do toasters work? I mean, where does the bread go?”

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Hemant

    Is the friendly atheist really friendly? I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I just pay my student loans.

    Hemant, Christians are reading your book, enjoying it, coming to this site, and finding contests to make fun of Christians … do you get what this is doing to atheism? … please don’t squander the opportunity you have here, man

    I’m disappointed that Sherri Shepherd so fully indulges the stereotype that Christians are stupid in regard to science … it’s embarrassing, and it’s damaging … and I’m equally disappointed that you, Hemant, continue to indulge the stereotype that atheists prefer intellectual ridicule to seeking common ground … also embarrassing and damaging

    If this continues, you will end up wasting a golden opportunity to impact the perception of atheism by Christians who read your book and then visit your website … some of those Christians may not give their perception of atheism another chance after this one … don’t blow it / stop blowing it

    If possible, I would be happy to wear the bracelet, because I support your goal of improving the public perception of atheists … thank you. Good luck on your quest, bro.

    Not trying to squander anything. Whoopi Goldberg made it very clear that she was religious. I don’t really care. Shepherd made her comments out of ignorance (I don’t buy the idea that you forget the world is round when you get nervous). And she made the comment herself that her knowledge is from the Bible. That’s the crux of her problem. There are other Christians who believe in the Bible who also know basic science knowledge and know when the Bible should definitely not be taken literally.

    I’m not interested in kowtowing to Christians who choose to remain ignorant to evidence that proves certain aspects of their religion wrong. There are plenty of Christians (like yourself) who are embarrassed by what she said. And she is not alone in thinking what she does. Trying to compromise in that case is not going to work. She’s wrong. She needs to know that.

    I’d like to add that I do give credit to Christians where it’s due. In the book and on this site.

  • Jen

    “Gravity… I don’t think so. If gravity is real, then why do planes fly?”

  • Julie

    “Where does cotton come from? I’m not sure. I guess they must sheer cotton animals and use their fur to make cotton thread.”

    Um…purple please?

  • jedipunk

    “I don’t believe the sun is a star. It’s the sun. The sun is a sun. A star is a star. The sun is not a star. It doesn’t look like other stars.”

    “Gravity is only a theory. So there could be another reason things fall.”

    “Heliocentric. What’s that?”

  • Ralph Guiteau

    Of course dinosaurs and men lived together dummy! Didn’t you watch the Flintstones and how about Land of the Lost..I guess that was just fiction huh…nasty sleestacks.

  • Vincent

    Hemant said:
    There are plenty of Christians (like yourself) who are embarrassed by what she said. And she is not alone in thinking what she does. Trying to compromise in that case is not going to work. She’s wrong. She needs to know that.

    There’s the rub. Why do Christians come to her defense and make excuses for her? Why don’t they disavow her and say “I’m a Christian, and believe me, not all Christians are like that”? Instead they excuse her ignorance because they share a faith, and attack her critics as being disrespectful.

    Would a German who claimed that Germany was greatest under the Nazi Party and that it should be restored be excused and embraced by his fellow Germans? No. They would reject affiliation with him and say Germany as a whole does not feel that way. Why does Christianity give her a pass?

  • Diane

    “If the world is so round, how come it doesn’t roll off the back of the turtle and land on the floor of the universe? And why doesn’t someone climb over the edge and harvest that tasty turtle meat so I can feed my son?”

  • Patrick

    In my house, we wait 3 days before burying our pets – just to make sure we don’t bury the kitten of God.

  • http://www.modestobuzz.com Roy

    “The world is only 10,000 years old. Whose to say God didn’t put those dinosaur bones in the ground to fool us?”

  • Andrea

    “In nineteen-hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Everybody knows that.”

  • http://www.bolingbrookbabbler.com William

    “Of course I support diversity in America. God put each of the races on a corner of the Earth so as the population grew, we would have to meet in North America. The Bible says so.”

  • Roy

    nice!

  • http://meritboundalley.wordpress.com Joe M

    “Well, I’ve thought about it and the earth is definitely flat. How else did the floods drain? All that water poured off the edges into a huge bucket that the Lord fills his watercan with. He then uses that watercan to make smaller rainfalls by pouring it over us.

    Another interesting thing that I’ve figured out about the deluge is that Noah also had a pair of Living Bibles on the Ark! Yeah, one male and one female!. Then, when these procreated, their little Bibles went out into the world to habitate the nightstands of all the motels of the world! In fact, ‘Gideons’ is short for ‘Giddy Ones’ because those baby bibles are giddy, like children. And that’s where Gideons Bibles come from.”

  • Keith

    I’d like to add that I do give credit to Christians where it’s due. In the book and on this site.

    Agreed. Thanks for the response, Hemant.

  • Keith

    There’s the rub. Why do Christians come to her defense and make excuses for her? Why don’t they disavow her and say “I’m a Christian, and believe me, not all Christians are like that”? Instead they excuse her ignorance because they share a faith, and attack her critics as being disrespectful.

    Vincent, I was not excusing what Shepherd did, and I have no problem with Hemant calling her on it. I’m just trying to point out that going the extra mile and calling for a contest to make fun of her could turn some Christians away. Please note that I have not called Hemant disrespectful, nor have I defended what Sherri Shepherd said in anyway. Thanks.

  • Mriana

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think people are taking this too seriously.

  • Keith

    Not trying to squander anything. Whoopi Goldberg made it very clear that she was religious. I don’t really care. Shepherd made her comments out of ignorance (I don’t buy the idea that you forget the world is round when you get nervous). And she made the comment herself that her knowledge is from the Bible. That’s the crux of her problem. There are other Christians who believe in the Bible who also know basic science knowledge and know when the Bible should definitely not be taken literally.

    I’m not interested in kowtowing to Christians who choose to remain ignorant to evidence that proves certain aspects of their religion wrong. There are plenty of Christians (like yourself) who are embarrassed by what she said. And she is not alone in thinking what she does. Trying to compromise in that case is not going to work. She’s wrong. She needs to know that.

    I agree that you don’t forget the world is round when you get nervous. I do not expect you to kowtow to Christians, but I would expect that you would be friendly. I think the contest to mock Shepherd is beyond “not kowtowing”, but I am willing to agree to disagree on this.

    You stated that Sherri Shepherd needs to know that she is wrong. I agree. Have you seen evidence that she knows that what she said is wrong? If so, are you satisfied? If not, have you contacted Sherri Shepherd (you very well may have – this is not sarcastic) and informed her of her error? This contest has very little to do with ensuring that Sherri Shepherd knows she is wrong, IMO.

    How is not holding a contest to make fun of the next crazy comment she makes the same as compromising? How is this failing to communicate that she is wrong? Again, I don’t defend what she said for a moment, and I have no problem with you posting about it. But I think the term “friendly” goes away when we go out of our way to mock. And this contest is out of the way. Thanks again for the response.

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