Comments on: Atheist Dating Stories

By: Culturefemme

Culturefemme — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:06:07 +0000

Hi All:

I have enjoyed and recieved insight from your conversations. Thank you all! I am struggling with this topic as I am developing a new relationship (1 month) with a Catholic. As most of you have mentioned this difference worries me as I head into a new relationship. I have mentioned my non-belief (no comment or discussion from him at that point) and he has talked about his background and religious preferences. However, we have not had any dialogue as to how our personal beliefs will effect our relationship. It is hard for me to understand how a relationship can work if each other’s world views are so different… can long term companionship and deeper relationships happen if there are such profound differences in ideaology? Can mutal respect and acceptance for individality make such a relationship work and be successful? I am afraid these differences will bring up fundamental differences in daily life and child rearing so I am hesitant to put them off for much longer. I do sunderstand that the other part of getting to know someone (beyond ideology)may help in understanding and accepting individual beliefs, but I don’t see how it will shed light on relationship decision-making. I guess “conversations and open dialogues” on such matters will be a must. Does anyone have comments/advice?

By: Atheistyouth

Atheistyouth — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 07:16:35 +0000

hi, i am kinda having inter-faith dating issue of a sort. I have a female friend and we have been friends a while and i think we are both kind of interested in one another, but the issue of faith actually came up very quickly when we met about 2 years ago. she is a catholic like most people where i live. We had gotten into a debate about religion i don’t recall the exact circumstances, but i’d wager a bet it started with some sarcastic comment i made. I think one of the reasons i haven’t asked her out is because of our differences in faith. Me being an athiest and her a catholic.

well any advice you have for this situation would be apreciated.

By: HappyNat

HappyNat — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 19:36:58 +0000

athenebelle,

That makes perfect sense. It just confused me the way you stated it in your comment. My “congregation” just increased to a total of 3, with my daughter joining us in the living room for “services” (aka NFL football) on Sundays.

By: athenebelle

athenebelle — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 18:59:56 +0000

Nat and Mriana, the group here is only about five to eight individuals, which to me never seemed like a “congregation” (I grew up in a church wich had an average attendance of 100). In addition it is not officially not a member of the UU yet even though it follows a lot of it’s tenets. It doesn’t have enough people for it to do projects that would attract me (service projects and the service setting) at this point in time. Were that it was more coherent (and there hadn’t been a UCC church in the area) then I would have considered attending it. It only formed about a year after I moved down here.

In any case a lot of the stuff that is done by the UU in terms of issues is also along the same lines of some UCC churches (and the national body) http://www.uuworld.org/news/articles/6639.shtml

By: Mriana

Mriana — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 18:45:37 +0000

You would think it would, Nat.

By: HappyNat

HappyNat — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 17:27:03 +0000

(and the UU group here isn’t all that large or old).

Wouldn’t what they believe or how the services are conducted be more important than the size and age of the group?

By: Polly

Polly — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 17:06:01 +0000

@Kate,

Glad that could be encouraging! The religious difference that sprang up really doesn’t change anything in the here and now (which is great), only my wife’s vision of our “eternal” future…apart

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 03:32:18 +0000

So far, no problem at all. It actually makes long drives pass much quicker since it’s an easy conversation starter. I lay out all the reasons I can’t believe and she lays out her reasons why she can’t NOT believe and next thing you know, we’re there.

BRILLIANT, Polly!!! I shared that with Erik and he laughed. It’s true, we’ve certainly filled many a car ride with our “debate”…though luckily now we’re strong enough to laugh it off at the end and still hold hands.

Thanks for giving us hope that marriage is a real possibility.

By: Joel

Joel — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 03:14:44 +0000

I have had the great pleasure, mostly through mere happenstance to have dated very few x-ians. Of course sticking solely to atheists would be rather unrealistic, at least in some of the more conservative areas. I have dated a number of Buddhists and Wiccans, and, truth be told, I would ally myself with the Buddhists, Taoists, Wiccans and those of similar philosophies with secular foundations and an openness and accepting nature. Dating people of such belief systems has never presented a problem. The more New Age types (even among the Wiccans) make me nervous, and I tend to avoid them (and not only in the dating sphere).

I have dated a few atheists as well, and of course there were no problems there (well, no problems related to atheism). I have even dated some who believed in some vague “greater power” but were not certain how to classify it. I can handle just about anyone if they are open-minded, accepting, and magnanimous when it comes to others.

Could I date an x-ian? Possibly, though I think it would likely be terribly short term. I actually can not think of a good reason to do so. Even if there were some chemistry, I doubt it could be sustained for an extended period (though other posts here lead me to believe it is possible for some). The “not wanting to be with someone who is not in it for the long term” (i.e. in the after life) is, of course, rubbish, but people will willingly believe what they wish, and it might be better for both parties if x-ians simply stuck to their own and vice versa. Of course a strong atheist influence could not but benefit the children of such a relationship, but what can you do?

The thought of dating a fundamentalist of any faith instills in me nothing more inspiring than an urge to vomit into the nearest garbage receptacle. I’d rather remain celibate (which would probably be very close to the same thing).

By: Polly

Polly — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 22:57:29 +0000

I was a true believer when I got married as was my wife. She’s still a true believer and I am now an atheist. It helps that she doesn’t hold the dumb stereotypes that many believers have about atheists (like my mother).

So far, no problem at all. It actually makes long drives pass much quicker since it’s an easy conversation starter. I lay out all the reasons I can’t believe and she lays out her reasons why she can’t NOT believe and next thing you know, we’re there.

However, if you’re a fundie and not yet married, why should you marry someone you believe will end up in Hell? I never understood interfaith marriages where the people take their faith seriously. How can you get close to someone that your god has most-likely condemned for all eternity?