I Know Waaaay Too Much About Christopher Hitchens

See the Vanity Fair slideshow. It’s “from the second stage of Christopher Hitchens’s ongoing self-improvement project.”

One of the captions:

Yes, a Brazilian wax was involved.

You’ve been warned.

HitchensWax

It almost looks as if he’s praying in that picture…

I can anticipate his pain.

No wonder he thinks God is not great.

From the print version of the magazine:

I had no idea it would be so excruciating. The combined effect was like being tortured for information that you do not possess, with intervals for a (incidentally very costly) sandpaper handjob. The thing is that, in order to rip, you have to grip. A point of leverage is required; a place that can be firmly gripped and pulled while the skin is tautened

The impression of being a huge baby was enhanced by the blizzards of talcum powder that followed each searing application. I swear that several times [J Sister waxer Janea Padilha] soothingly said that I was being a brave little boy… Meanwhile, everything in the general area was fighting to retract itself into my body…

…By this stage, I thought I could tell we were drawing agonizingly near to the close, but I was wrong. Boy was I ever wrong.

You ladies will know what I mean by the stirrup position, which I was now unceremoniously instructed to assume. That’s to say, I braced one leg up while Ms. Padilha braced the other. And she does this for a living. To be [a dentist Hitchens previously visited for the article] and to spend every day up to your elbows in other people’s oral cavities would be tough enough. But this … And wait: surely you can’t be serious about putting … Oh Jesus. I was overwhelmed by a sudden access of lava-like agony, accompanied by the vertiginous sensation that there was no there there.



[tags]atheist, atheism, Christopher Hitchens[/tags]

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  • Why on earth would Hitch have such a thing done to him?

    I had no idea it would be so excruciating. The combined effect was like being tortured for information that you do not possess

    Oh, I get it…he was evaluating the procedure for use on “enemy combatants”…

  • PrimateInRepose

    AAAAAHHHH! My eyes! For crying out loud, its morning here.

  • Laramie

    I would have used “excess of . . . agony,” as opposed to “access.” Cheeky Brit. =)

  • K

    OOOOOoooooweeeee, British teeth!
    I don’t get the wax job. If a woman will get past the sagging jowls and mean and stupid drunk routine to lay him, does he really think she’ll balk at pubic/leg hair? WTF?

  • grazatt

    We at least we atheists can rest easy, secure in the knowledge that we have the sexiest spokesman!

  • Teeth I can understand, but…

  • Hitchens has reached the point where he figures any publicity is good publicity.

    Hemant, I’m not going to look here right after I’ve eaten, ever again.

  • grazatt

    Hemant, I’m not going to look here right after I’ve eaten, ever again.
    olvlzl, I would like to see Billy Graham or the Pope compete with that physique!

  • grazatt

    Double post sorry