I Know Waaaay Too Much About Christopher Hitchens

See the Vanity Fair slideshow. It’s “from the second stage of Christopher Hitchens’s ongoing self-improvement project.”

One of the captions:

Yes, a Brazilian wax was involved.

You’ve been warned.

HitchensWax

It almost looks as if he’s praying in that picture…

I can anticipate his pain.

No wonder he thinks God is not great.

From the print version of the magazine:

I had no idea it would be so excruciating. The combined effect was like being tortured for information that you do not possess, with intervals for a (incidentally very costly) sandpaper handjob. The thing is that, in order to rip, you have to grip. A point of leverage is required; a place that can be firmly gripped and pulled while the skin is tautened

The impression of being a huge baby was enhanced by the blizzards of talcum powder that followed each searing application. I swear that several times [J Sister waxer Janea Padilha] soothingly said that I was being a brave little boy… Meanwhile, everything in the general area was fighting to retract itself into my body…

…By this stage, I thought I could tell we were drawing agonizingly near to the close, but I was wrong. Boy was I ever wrong.

You ladies will know what I mean by the stirrup position, which I was now unceremoniously instructed to assume. That’s to say, I braced one leg up while Ms. Padilha braced the other. And she does this for a living. To be [a dentist Hitchens previously visited for the article] and to spend every day up to your elbows in other people’s oral cavities would be tough enough. But this … And wait: surely you can’t be serious about putting … Oh Jesus. I was overwhelmed by a sudden access of lava-like agony, accompanied by the vertiginous sensation that there was no there there.



[tags]atheist, atheism, Christopher Hitchens[/tags]

  • http://blueshifted.org Andy

    Why on earth would Hitch have such a thing done to him?

    I had no idea it would be so excruciating. The combined effect was like being tortured for information that you do not possess

    Oh, I get it…he was evaluating the procedure for use on “enemy combatants”…

  • PrimateInRepose

    AAAAAHHHH! My eyes! For crying out loud, its morning here.

  • Laramie

    I would have used “excess of . . . agony,” as opposed to “access.” Cheeky Brit. =)

  • K

    OOOOOoooooweeeee, British teeth!
    I don’t get the wax job. If a woman will get past the sagging jowls and mean and stupid drunk routine to lay him, does he really think she’ll balk at pubic/leg hair? WTF?

  • grazatt

    We at least we atheists can rest easy, secure in the knowledge that we have the sexiest spokesman!

  • http://youmademesayit.blogspot.com PhillyChief

    Teeth I can understand, but…

  • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

    Hitchens has reached the point where he figures any publicity is good publicity.

    Hemant, I’m not going to look here right after I’ve eaten, ever again.

  • grazatt

    Hemant, I’m not going to look here right after I’ve eaten, ever again.
    olvlzl, I would like to see Billy Graham or the Pope compete with that physique!

  • grazatt

    Double post sorry


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