A Church Tries to Buy My Soul Back

Inferno

Things I learned from reading this article that I did not know previously:

  • I earned “untold riches” from my book.
  • I live in a mansion.
  • Your choices are: My soul or new church:

    “How can we spend money on a building while the soul of Hemant Mehta suffers?” Asked [Reverend Thomas] Lexington [of Bolingbrook's 7th Church of the True Christ]. “His soulless body may have untold riches from his book, ‘I Sold My Soul on eBay,’ but it is unearned wealth! While he sits in his mansion, his soul is burning!”

  • I make women scream:

    “I feel Hemant’s soul burning!” Said one woman.

    “The Lord wants us to feel his pain!” Said another woman.

    “Only our funds can lead Hemant to Jesus! How can we let him suffer?” Said the final woman.

  • You’re all immoral gay communists.
  • Satan fights cage matches.
  • Low-level interns that work with my publishers secretly despise me:

    The intern was then heard saying, “Why do I have to take the phone calls about the atheist book? I know I’m an intern, but this is mean!”

(Ok, I *obviously* knew about the “making women scream” thing before the article.)

For anyone confused, it’s all satire. The Bolingbrook Babbler was promoting my lecture last week for the Humanists of West Suburban Chicagoland.

Thanks to William for the amusing article!


[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

  • http://emergingpensees.com MikeClawson

    If the devil bought your soul on eBay, does that mean Jim Henderson is the devil?

    He always seemed like such a nice guy… ;)

  • Susan B.

    Yeah, I was gonna say…the devil is a Christian?!?!

  • Mriana

    ROFLMBO! That was a riot! Please tell me this is satire and not some wacky people. If it’s not satire, these people are a riot!

    Well, I guess we can sit around an watch the Exorist now, then watch the Exorism of Emily Rose, The Nun, The Heretic, Stigmata, what else? :lol: Hopefully you see a theme here. If they don’t bother you, then you either have no soul or you’ve studied your fair share of psychology, or you just never were scared by such movies.

  • http://emergingpensees.com MikeClawson

    Please tell me this is satire and not some wacky people. If it’s not satire, these people are a riot!

    Umm, Mriana, read the whole post. He already did tell us it’s just a satire.

  • Mriana

    Oh. :oops: I read the article, but I forgot to go back and read the rest of what Hemant said.

  • http://meritboundalley.wordpress.com Joe M

    They really should make your eyes all red and glowy on that graphic, Hemant :)

  • http://www.bolingbrookbabbler.com William

    Hemant, thanks for the link, and I’m glad you liked the article.

    I update The Babbler every Sunday, though I’m taking this Sunday off for the holidays. But on 12/30/07, I plan on having a predictions for the new year issue.

  • http://thechapel.wordpress.com the chaplain

    That article is great. The rest of the web site is a hoot too. Funny stuff.

  • http://paxnortona.notfrisco2.com Joel Sax

    Can you put me in a footnote and give me say 1% of the residuals?

  • Jen

    Damn, I was really hoping this was real.

  • http://youtube.com/profile?user=healthyaddict healthyaddict

    LOL!

  • kristi

    I’m a little sad that it’s a satire. And are you saying you don’t live in a mansion? :)


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