Things I learned from reading this article that I did not know previously:
- I earned “untold riches” from my book.
- I live in a mansion.
- Your choices are: My soul or new church:
“How can we spend money on a building while the soul of Hemant Mehta suffers?” Asked [Reverend Thomas] Lexington [of Bolingbrook’s 7th Church of the True Christ]. “His soulless body may have untold riches from his book, ‘I Sold My Soul on eBay,’ but it is unearned wealth! While he sits in his mansion, his soul is burning!”
- I make women scream:
“I feel Hemant’s soul burning!” Said one woman.
“The Lord wants us to feel his pain!” Said another woman.
“Only our funds can lead Hemant to Jesus! How can we let him suffer?” Said the final woman.
- You’re all immoral gay communists.
- Satan fights cage matches.
- Low-level interns that work with my publishers secretly despise me:
The intern was then heard saying, “Why do I have to take the phone calls about the atheist book? I know I’m an intern, but this is mean!”
(Ok, I *obviously* knew about the “making women scream” thing before the article.)
For anyone confused, it’s all satire. The Bolingbrook Babbler was promoting my lecture last week for the Humanists of West Suburban Chicagoland.
Thanks to William for the amusing article!