Why Are So Many Atheist Men Single?

I agree 100% with Saint Gasoline. I happened to be married with four kids, but my wife could care less about such topics. So this leaves me to my blog, forum, and places like here to discuss such topics. I wish I could talk to my wife about these things, but she just doesn’t care. So I’m sure single atheist men, are looking for these qualities which I think are hard to find in allot of women.

I agree that the ratio of atheist women to men is woefully unequal. So, you’ve got statistics against you being as the “dating pool” seems a little small. However, I haven’t seen the statistics lately so who knows, maybe there are more atheist girls out there that we think (keep looking! Hint: Internets). As a female atheist (with female atheist friends) I can vouch that we do in fact exist, and are just trying to find a nice guy like everyone else. Also I just wanted to point out the irony of my own relationship, of the two of us it’s my fiance who is the less passionate atheist and doesn’t like talking politics! Seriously, what are the odds?

Single, atheistic, & politically-minded women exist!

Consider this a personals ad.

Are the majority of atheist men single? As I am not a man; I don’t feel I have the right to say anything. But I can add that when I met my (serious) boyfriend, he was a very “out” atheist. (He never really was “in”, he was raised atheist) And he even had a hand in me being atheist. Granted, I considered myself very agnostic at the time, just hating the word atheist. Also, the leader of the Freethinkers group we go to is a married man with children. Again, another man brings his girlfriend/wife(?) to meetings. But, thinking back on our Freethinkers meetings, there were only three women there last time. I don’t really know, but as a woman I can see women raised in religious households being afraid of “betraying” their family. Any woman leaning towards atheist might not want to make waves by dating an out atheist male.

I found out recently that a sister-in-law of a friend I work with is dating an atheist. I’ll call the sister-in-law, B. Keep in mind, I know this family, and they are uber-christian. Not in-your-face christian, I am friends with them after all, but it’s a big factor in their life. B will not marry him because he is an atheist; she’s afraid of hurting her family. Yet, they stay together. I was very impressed with B for not breaking up with him based on the difference in religion, and I urged my friend to tell her that it doesn’t matter. B’s family accepts him, and I find that a very positive sign. She won’t though. Simply on that fact.

This post may make no sense, but I feel that its more “comfortable” for men and women to just “say” they’re christian to fit in with life, and society. For the rest of us non-theists, it might be more difficult to find any significant others, or even non-theist friends. Until the leader of the Freethinkers group contacted me, I had no (that I knew of) atheist friends, other than my boyfriend.

Well, I’m a an atheist now, but i tried all kinds of woo religions at the time I met my ex-wife. I found it was ALOT easier to meet women when I was “Pagan” than it is now. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, not only has trying to date again become even harder than it was before, but add nerd+atheist+introvert, and it leaves my available options very small.

I also noticed the ladies here complaining didn’t leave contact info for their personal ad’s

Mriana, I think your thoughts are sexy; you’ve just haven’t met the right atheist man yet.

Generalizing about gender may get me into trouble… but here I go.

I’ve often heard (and observed) that women are generally more emotional about things, while men tend to be more logical. I’ve also noticed that religion seems to be very emotional, while atheism is often based on logic. Is it possible that this explains why there seems to be so many more male atheists?

Perhaps:
Scepticisms and education are correlated.
and people with more education are more likely to stay single longer.
maybe….anyway
One really outspoken atheist that I know sleeps around a lot and sees hooking up with woman as a science. Say this if she acts like that, don’t be like everyone else…. It works for him.

Why are so many atheist men single?

Conformation bias? Is she looking at the Internet alone, or does she notice this in her daily life, too? Because the Internet tends to be skewered toward the young, and the average age at marriage is increasing…

Or, you know, it could just be because they’re so damn picky!

I really haven’t noticed. Most of the atheist men I know are in fact married. Are we looking at a particular age group? While brilliant, you know Hemmant is quite young. He should be enjoying some life! But I am really surprised that Sara hasn’t supported her beleif that more atheist men are single in a substantial manner. I just don’t think it is true. I know middle aged pot-bellied atheist men who I run into in car pool lines. I imagine in another 20 years the atheist men I know I’ll be running into at Denny’s for early bird dinners. I think her personal experience speaks more of the place she may be in life and the people who surround her, not the general population.

Are they? Heck, if men as odious as Hitchens and Dawkins can get a woman, it couldn’t be that hard.

Well, maybe she is complaining that only the “hot” atheist men are single and that losers (such as myself) can get a wife?

I, on the other hand, am hard-pressed to find atheist men. Now, I wouldn’t mind dating a theist, but all the (male) theists in my life are all evolution-is-evil, abstinence-rocks, blah, blah, blah… and then there are the atheists who call me emotional, non-logical, and not interested in intellectual discussions. I think you see where I’m going with this.

Maybe it’s just an independence thing, for both the atheist men and atheist women. Not to mention a general pickiness and a nagging need to evaluate, question and examine everything before committing.

Wait, wait. It just came to me. If they want to meet someone maybe they should take the late Ann Landers’ advice and join a church!

Darryl said,

January 5, 2008 at 2:06 am

Mriana, I think your thoughts are sexy; you’ve just haven’t met the right atheist man yet.

Thanks.

Brian said:

Sure, you (usually) want children: it’s understandable, because you’ve evolved to want children. I’m sure you know of a few male evolutionary traits that you’re glad we don’t indulge too often. I don’t have the “be fruitful and multiply” attitude, obviously – part of being an atheist, and aspiring “freethinker”, is that I question assumptions such as these too.

It’s a biological drive to perpetuate the species. Yes, we evolved, but that doesn’t override the biological drive. Should I question your need to eat? It’s the same thing with the biological drive to perpetuate the species. Without this there would be no human race and it is one of those drives that did not go away with evolution. Question it all you want, but the drive is not going to go away because it deals with survival of the species- just like eating, sleeping, etc. Now our ability to reason is what makes the difference.

I am an atheist married to a Methodist for over 20 years now. My non-scientific observation made by watching her and her friends is that there is a connection between motherly instincts and a need for religion. I may be completely full of crap, but it just seems that way to me. She attends church by herself and I have been really surprised to see how many of her female friends attend church sans husband as well. One of her best church friends is married to an atheist. Conversely I never see married men attend her church while their atheist wives stay home. This cant be a statistical anomaly as it is a good size church – I just get the feeling that women are more predisposed on average to need religious belief than men.

What I see in my wife and her friends is that it is too painful for them to believe that their children have a finite existence. To them the dogma and rituals of the church are unimportant (I know the bible far better than my wife, I’m not sure she has even read it). The friendships and community the church provides are also key ingredients. I have stopped trying to convince her that religion is a bunch of bull simply because I think she would be miserable living with the belief that her children have no spirit that will continue on forever. I would rather live with a happy Methodist than a miserable atheist.

So for those atheist men out there looking for an atheist woman, I would not make it a deal breaker. Just avoid the bible bangers and the ones that take religion literally. When I ask my wife if she really believes Christ sat up after being dead three days she says no. She believes the miracles in the bible are metaphorical and not literal, but she also has no interest in discussing it any further. I can live with that kind of belief. Be sure you are up front about your lack of belief and be sure they understand it is not something they are going to change (women love men who are fixer-up projects). If your going to marry one just set the ground rules early on how kids are going to be raised. I didn’t do this and when I started resisting our daughter going to vacation bible school (I think I used the words “I don’t want you brainwashing our daughter!”) it came close to a divorce.

Realize that a lot of atheist men are happily married to moderately religious women. It is not hopeless, just a little more difficult.

Kinda offended on the use of the old fashioned women are more emptional/less logical therefore less interested in such things arguement. Give us a bit more credit than that boys!
But then again I tend to stay away from females of that sort of mindset, espcially the religious types. I myself actually drive my semi-lutheran boyfriend absolutely bonkers with my rabid atheism/feminism and political rabidness. But I think I’m slowly turning him (he seems less willing to attend church and such, victory!). I’ve found that the idea of education being proportionaly linked to higher levels of atheism or atleast secularism is quite true in my university setting, though less likely to happen with women. But I believe this is related to the position women inhabit within religious homes, where education is okay, but leaving the fold/flock is most definitely not. As far as I’m concerned religion is completely against any form of female liberation, and women that follow religion are thus not exactly going to be argumentative, rational or logical, they aren’t raised or encouraged to be!
Just my two cents
One more Un-Single Rabid Atheist Girl for the count

Josha: Recently I went out an a date with a man. Halfway through he asked me if Jesus Christ was my savior.
It didn’t go well.
He told me I was going to Hell.
Funny thing is he still wanted to date me.

Ha ha! Well, you might be going to Hell, but he’s forgiven, so he may as well have some fun, right?

Hey, isn’t that the dude from Princess Bride?

“Mawage! Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

Mwah-ha-ha!

I admit that I don’t know many other atheists at all. I was web hopping and found an atheist matchmaking website . I am not all that crazy about matchmaking services but I signed up with a brief profile. I didn’t even put up a picture. I sat down and read the other profiles. There were lots of men with profiles but I found the majority who were interesting where pretty far out of my age range (I am 31).

It made me wonder if this was the norm or just the demographics of that particular site.

I too live in the bible belt south and am a very strong-minded, independent, and successful Atheist woman. The only man I know that discusses religion, philosophy, technology, politics, and history with me is my best friend who is very much like-minded (except when it comes to music). We tried to date, but it was awkward.

Eventually, I married a Swede. Swedes are fabulous because they don’t seem to have the same hang ups about religion and Atheists, that I see in North Central Texas. Unfortunately, even though my husband is Atheist, we rarely discuss such topics in detail. Occassionally we poke fun of the herds following the dumbasses, but other than the occassional razz… its just not something we discuss much. I actually wish I had more intriguing conversations with him on such topics. He prefers not to ponder, but rather to not waste a moment of his life disagreeing with idiots. Why bother?

Hang in there guys, there are intelligent Atheist women out there! Unfortunately, they aren’t all blond, blue-eyed, 36-24-36, with an oral fetish.

Surely it’s simply a matter of mathematics. If 2% of American men are atheist and 2% of American women are atheist and you know 1000 people then you only have 10 potential partners (assuming that you aren’t bisexual) with the same ideas on religion.

You could always try to convert someone to atheism….

…nah, that’s a daft idea.

Oh vomit, really, are we really going to say women hate discussing politics or that men are more rational? Because I will punch any of you morons in the nuts. Maybe that makes me overly emotional and prone to Christianity, but seriously, boys, the nuts. While discussing politics with you. And bragging about my philosophy minor.

Consider this MY personal ad.

You know, Jen, that kinda’ generalizing really bothers me, too.

But maybe it’s a matter of discussion style. A lot of men I know can be pretty belligerent about those subjects, even with a significant other. So it might not be the content but the style of the discussion that causes women to turn off and just not want to get into it.

So I’m just replacing one horrible generalization with another one. That’s how I roll.

Okay Jen just won this thread with that post.

Thank you, Siamang!

But maybe it’s a matter of discussion style. A lot of men I know can be pretty belligerent about those subjects, even with a significant other. So it might not be the content but the style of the discussion that causes women to turn off and just not want to get into it.

I was actually going to mention that, and then I didn’t. Our society teaches men to be as loud as they need to be, and values competition in men more than in women, and teaches men to be more aggressive. All my life, I have had more female friends than males, and I do think it is a result of how they are socialized differently than I was, and I find large, loud, competitive groups of them to be obnoxious. Therefore, I might be less likely to attend an atheist event, if I had reason to believe it would be mostly men, since
1. Atheist meetings tend to have more men than women, and tend to be an older crowd
2. The older the man, the more “male” he was socialized to be, and I find that obnoxious.

And it might be a vicious cycle- women percieve there are large groups of men, who can be obnoxious in a specific way in large groups, and thus stay away, and therefore the meeting is mostly men.

I don’t necessarily think men and women are just naturally, biologically different in this case. I absolutely believe we are socialized differently, and as a result, grow up to have these “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” type differences.

Darryl, I will agree with you to a certain extent:

don’t know why, but women are the backbone of evangelical churches (probably all churches).

Perhaps because they are from an era and a specific church-based culture that only values women working in the church and/or at home? If they can’t have jobs, and have kids, and have few places they can socialize with the kids, it makes sense they would value church more than their husbands who have more opportunities to socialize.

Women… are not as challenging of religious authority as men tend to be.

Again, doesn’t necessarily mean men are biologically more likely to challenge authority figures. They are socialized to do so, and may have more education regarding specific doctrine that their wives are not privy to. And it may be that Christian women are too damn busy with their four kids, and the homeschooling, and all the domestic chores that they just don’t have time to think.

yinyang said,

Why are so many atheist men single?

Conformation bias? Is she looking at the Internet alone, or does she notice this in her daily life, too? Because the Internet tends to be skewered toward the young, and the average age at marriage is increasing…

yinyang, I’ve asked Sara about this as I’m always skeptical whenever anyone makes a generalization based on personal anecdotes. She says that she’s observed the same thing with atheist men she knows outside of the internet. But she has decided to make a dating survey to try to get some actual statistical evidence on he subject. Of course I see all sorts of problems with getting a good representative sample (that could be a huge problem) and honest “atheist” evaluations (I think a better strategy than asking if one is an atheist–since many people don’t really understand what the word “atheist” means and therefore don’t identify themselves as such–she should ask questions about beliefs and world-views).

~Javier

I met an atheist woman not too long ago at my college. I feel (felt) so lucky that I met her too. We discussed philosophy and even made fun of a few religious nut-jobs :p…I’m not too sure if I’ll see her again though. Last I heard, she was engaged…

To a theist! :O what’re the odds…?! Lol.

I’ve recently become interested in this atheism stuff, and reading some of these things is really kind of going back about a decade or so in maturity. Grown men who are so self-absorbed, spending their energies discussing (arguing) such esoteric issues as if their opinions were so critically important to life on this planet, and then whining *whining* about others whose beliefs may be different, or maybe they just have other real things to spend their time on (like jobs, nurturing relationships, and maybe, dare I say it, raising children) and don’t see the need for the intellectual masturbation that so many of you seem to. Intelligence in and of itself is pretty worthless if you choose to use it in such a wasteful manner – eloquence equally. Instead of looking down on others who aren’t like you (perhaps in IQ, perhaps in self-involvement), lighten the fuck up, become part of the human race, and understand that feeling intellectually superior is just as bad as feeling morally superior, and just as bad as believing in things that can’t fully be explained. You are no better.
And btw, the women not liking the same topics of conversation? Not a atheist vs. ‘other’ thing. Women are different than men, and just as varied as men. So learn some tolerance of others and you won’t be so frustrated or lonely. I’m now going to await they flaming commentary that I’m sure will ensue.

What I don’t understand is why more women aren’t atheists, agnostics, or deists? Aren’t most religions intolerant of the female gender? I would expect more men to be religious because religion does favor men, but it seems like the other way around is true.