Why Are So Many Atheist Men Single?

January 4, 2008 By 64 Comments

That’s just one of the questions Sara is asking:

And I’m going to assume that she wanted to mention my name at the very end.

Because I live in my own little world like that :)


[tags]atheist, atheism, love, relationships[/tags]

Filed Under: General 64 Comments
  • http://www.saintgasoline.com Saint Gasoline

    Beause all the women are damned theists!

    It’s hard to find an atheist woman. It also doesn’t help that most atheists enjoy discussing issues like politics, religion, science, and philosophy, and anyone can tell you that 99% of women do not like to discuss religion or politics at all. This is why I’m left with my hand and a greased up, hollowed out watermelon.

  • http://www.travisjmorgan.com Travis

    I agree 100% with Saint Gasoline. I happened to be married with four kids, but my wife could care less about such topics. So this leaves me to my blog, forum, and places like here to discuss such topics. I wish I could talk to my wife about these things, but she just doesn’t care. So I’m sure single atheist men, are looking for these qualities which I think are hard to find in allot of women.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Well speaking only for myself and my prior dating experiences from over 12 years ago, it was hard meeting tolerant women who didn’t rule me out over religious reasons. I can think of two or three women whom there was mutual attraction on many levels but my lack of religion was a real problem for them. Also from back in the days when I was “on the market” there were not many ways in which to meet like minded people. I can’t recall ever knowing an atheist girl from back then. Perhaps if any existed around me, they kept it very hidden. Perhaps things are starting to change now with opportunities to have “free-thinking” or skeptics meetings in many communities.

    Anyway, there was a time in my life (a few years) when I thiough I was destined to remain single.

    Fortunately, I did eventually meet a nice tolerant theist girl in an art class, dated, got married, and now have two kids.

    One advantage religion has is that there are lots of opportunities to meet people through churches. Atheists need to be creative in being involved in alternative social activities to meet people.

  • Miresse

    I agree that the ratio of atheist women to men is woefully unequal. So, you’ve got statistics against you being as the “dating pool” seems a little small. However, I haven’t seen the statistics lately so who knows, maybe there are more atheist girls out there that we think (keep looking! Hint: Internets). As a female atheist (with female atheist friends) I can vouch that we do in fact exist, and are just trying to find a nice guy like everyone else. Also I just wanted to point out the irony of my own relationship, of the two of us it’s my fiance who is the less passionate atheist and doesn’t like talking politics! Seriously, what are the odds?

  • sconad

    i’d say the reasons are two-fold…

    #1 – i agree with the first responders… that there juts don’t seem to be any (or many) atheist women out there.

    and #2 – maybe there IS some kind of relationship, i.e. just like we’re independent and don’t feel the NEED for a god, perhaps we’re so independent that we don’t need a partner to “validate” our lives?

  • Alyce de Carteret

    Single, atheistic, & politically-minded women exist!

    Consider this a personals ad.

  • Claire

    can tell you that 99% of women do not like to discuss religion or politics at all

    It’s been my unfortunate experience that 99% of men don’t care for women who discuss religion or politics (or ideas or current events or anything they don’t know about), so you have to factor that in.

    Note – this is not a condemnation or a cheap shot at men, just an observation – notice I didn’t disagree with the original poster as I have a hard time finding female friends who discuss those things too, although I wouldn’t set the percentage as high as he did.

    So, 1% times 1% means that our chance of meeting each other are damn small, and factor in our chances of recognizing each other, even smaller.

  • Becky

    Are the majority of atheist men single? As I am not a man; I don’t feel I have the right to say anything. But I can add that when I met my (serious) boyfriend, he was a very “out” atheist. (He never really was “in”, he was raised atheist) And he even had a hand in me being atheist. Granted, I considered myself very agnostic at the time, just hating the word atheist. Also, the leader of the Freethinkers group we go to is a married man with children. Again, another man brings his girlfriend/wife(?) to meetings. But, thinking back on our Freethinkers meetings, there were only three women there last time. I don’t really know, but as a woman I can see women raised in religious households being afraid of “betraying” their family. Any woman leaning towards atheist might not want to make waves by dating an out atheist male.

    I found out recently that a sister-in-law of a friend I work with is dating an atheist. I’ll call the sister-in-law, B. Keep in mind, I know this family, and they are uber-christian. Not in-your-face christian, I am friends with them after all, but it’s a big factor in their life. B will not marry him because he is an atheist; she’s afraid of hurting her family. Yet, they stay together. I was very impressed with B for not breaking up with him based on the difference in religion, and I urged my friend to tell her that it doesn’t matter. B’s family accepts him, and I find that a very positive sign. She won’t though. Simply on that fact.

    This post may make no sense, but I feel that its more “comfortable” for men and women to just “say” they’re christian to fit in with life, and society. For the rest of us non-theists, it might be more difficult to find any significant others, or even non-theist friends. Until the leader of the Freethinkers group contacted me, I had no (that I knew of) atheist friends, other than my boyfriend.

  • ellen

    Sara’s speculations don’t make much sense to me. Atheists tend to stay married more than Christians, so the theory that religious women are more tolerant seems unlikely. My own experience with atheist men is that they’re less likely to be big partiers. Extramarital sex seems like a nonissue.

    I agree with St. G and those who cited greater religiosity of women in general.

    Aside from that, atheist men are probably going to skew smarter and better educated, perhaps in the technical or science fields. This makes it harder for them to find a mate who is their intellectual equal in general. Not that there aren’t smart, educated women, just that the percentage of the population is small so it’s a search that is by definition going to take longer. Also guys in scientific and technical fields tend to be a little, you know, socially retarded. (Speaking as a social retard myself.)

    Add atheism to the mix and, well…I hope you like watermelon.

  • http://www.blueglowy.com Able-X

    Well, I’m a an atheist now, but i tried all kinds of woo religions at the time I met my ex-wife. I found it was ALOT easier to meet women when I was “Pagan” than it is now. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, not only has trying to date again become even harder than it was before, but add nerd+atheist+introvert, and it leaves my available options very small.

    I also noticed the ladies here complaining didn’t leave contact info for their personal ad’s ;)

  • Mriana

    Saint Gasoline said,

    January 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    Beause all the women are damned theists!

    It’s hard to find an atheist woman. It also doesn’t help that most atheists enjoy discussing issues like politics, religion, science, and philosophy, and anyone can tell you that 99% of women do not like to discuss religion or politics at all.

    I discuss those things more often than not. Sometimes I think I have a fixation with those topics. Guess I’m in the 1%.

    Alyce de Carteret said,

    January 5, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Single, atheistic, & politically-minded women exist!

    Consider this a personals ad.

    :lol: I love your style. Wonder if I took out an ad too if it would work for me?

    Claire said,

    January 5, 2008 at 12:16 am

    can tell you that 99% of women do not like to discuss religion or politics at all

    It’s been my unfortunate experience that 99% of men don’t care for women who discuss religion or politics (or ideas or current events or anything they don’t know about), so you have to factor that in.

    The one man I found who did was not only a spiritual nutball, but also possessive and attention demanding. :roll:

    In all honesty, I haven’t met a man, in my adulthood who is an atheist or at least if he was, he did not openly admit it. So, around here, I don’t know of any atheist men.

  • Darryl

    Mriana, I think your thoughts are sexy; you’ve just haven’t met the right atheist man yet. :lol:

  • Darryl

    Sarah, your questions are interesting. This sounds like a dissertation topic.

  • http://brownjs.wordpress.com/ J.S.Brown

    Generalizing about gender may get me into trouble… but here I go.

    I’ve often heard (and observed) that women are generally more emotional about things, while men tend to be more logical. I’ve also noticed that religion seems to be very emotional, while atheism is often based on logic. Is it possible that this explains why there seems to be so many more male atheists?

  • http://stereoroid.com/ brian t

    One major concern of mine, as a single male atheist, would be the possibility of children.

    For starters, I would question the need to have children at all, regardless of what I want – while (in my admittedly limited experience) women exhibit a desire for children that overrides practical concerns, such as cost. I don’t mean money only, but also the costs to the country, the environment, and the human race, of our growing population.

    Sure, you (usually) want children: it’s understandable, because you’ve evolved to want children. I’m sure you know of a few male evolutionary traits that you’re glad we don’t indulge too often. I don’t have the “be fruitful and multiply” attitude, obviously – part of being an atheist, and aspiring “freethinker”, is that I question assumptions such as these too.

    That’s before you get to the arguments about the upbringing of the children. I’m not a seasoned debater on these topics, and living in Ireland, where their mother would almost certainly be Catholic, and a Catholic Baptism certificate improves a child’s chance of finding a place at any school, I would surely lose that argument. I would be an atheist with Catholic children, a horrible fate to contemplate – for the children, let alone me.

  • kevin

    Perhaps:
    Scepticisms and education are correlated.
    and people with more education are more likely to stay single longer.
    maybe….anyway
    One really outspoken atheist that I know sleeps around a lot and sees hooking up with woman as a science. Say this if she acts like that, don’t be like everyone else…. It works for him.

  • Grimalkin

    Reading some of the responses here, I am reminded of why I stayed as far from the dating “scene” as I could until I met an atheist guy who came from a totally atheistic background and therefore didn’t spend much time thinking about atheism.

    So many of the atheist guys I meet zing out lovely little statements like “women are so emotional that they are naturally drawn towards religion and away from the logic of atheism” and “women, as a general rule, have no interest in politics, religion, science, or philosophy.”

    When looking for a potential mate, the guys I stayed as far as I could away from where the guys who entered a social relationship with me with the preconscieved notion that I was some over-emotional, intellectually stunted ding-bat bimbo.

    It all reminds me of Nice Guy Syndrome. “Whaa, whaa, why won’t girls date me? Girls just go after tough guys instead of nice guys like me. Girls are all stupid and over-emotional. Why won’t supermodels date me?”

    If the observation that there are more single atheist men than single religious men is true, my guess is that people who strongly identify themselves as being “in the right” on either side of the fence are assholes and that religious women are just more brainwashed into accepting that kind of know-it-all behaviour. We atheist women just get the hell away from you.

  • http://crazyrainbowunderwear.blogspot.com yinyang

    Why are so many atheist men single?

    Conformation bias? Is she looking at the Internet alone, or does she notice this in her daily life, too? Because the Internet tends to be skewered toward the young, and the average age at marriage is increasing…

    Or, you know, it could just be because they’re so damn picky! ;)

  • http://students.washington.edu/secular Michael

    I met an atheist girl.

    Once.

    (single) =/

  • Ei

    I really haven’t noticed. Most of the atheist men I know are in fact married. Are we looking at a particular age group? While brilliant, you know Hemmant is quite young. He should be enjoying some life! But I am really surprised that Sara hasn’t supported her beleif that more atheist men are single in a substantial manner. I just don’t think it is true. I know middle aged pot-bellied atheist men who I run into in car pool lines. I imagine in another 20 years the atheist men I know I’ll be running into at Denny’s for early bird dinners. I think her personal experience speaks more of the place she may be in life and the people who surround her, not the general population.

  • http://blueollie.wordpress.com/ ollie

    I haven’t seen any statistics that show that atheist men are less likely to be married.

    You might be interested in this post by Shalini where she evidently whines about her love life. :)

    Personally, if I were 25 years younger and single, I’d be on my knees, begging that hot babe for a date. But alas, I am 48 and married. :(

    But for you young, smart guys….there is your chance! :)

  • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl

    Are they? Heck, if men as odious as Hitchens and Dawkins can get a woman, it couldn’t be that hard.

  • http://toomanytribbles.blogspot.com/ toomanytribbles

    i think these are generalizations based on personal experience.

    if i were to make sweeping statements based on mine, there are almost no atheist men, they’re overly emotional and possessive and dislike independent, logical women.

  • http://blueollie.wordpress.com/ ollie

    Well, maybe she is complaining that only the “hot” atheist men are single and that losers (such as myself) can get a wife? :)

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    When I was single, my single male friends (some who were religious) had a mind-set that there just weren’t any girls out there (or at least couldn’t meet them). When I did eventually started dating someone, her single friends (most religious) had the mind-set that there were not any guys out there (or at least couldn’t meet them). “All decent guys are either married or gay”. One could argue that these viewpoints are a reflection of the difficult dating scene and have nothing to do with religious affiliation. On the other hand, churches do have lots of youth-groups and activities for people to mix and meet each other that atheists have not traditionally had.

    If you are an atheist of either sex, then you have to simply make an effort to join activities that might also attract other people that may be compatible. Dating is not easy. Some people get married just so they don’t have to date anymore :D

    Also, happy people don’t complain. The perception that atheist guys are disproportionally single may be due to sampling errors. Also, since many may hide their atheism, it may be hard to get at the real numbers.

  • Milena

    I, on the other hand, am hard-pressed to find atheist men. Now, I wouldn’t mind dating a theist, but all the (male) theists in my life are all evolution-is-evil, abstinence-rocks, blah, blah, blah… and then there are the atheists who call me emotional, non-logical, and not interested in intellectual discussions. I think you see where I’m going with this.

    Maybe it’s just an independence thing, for both the atheist men and atheist women. Not to mention a general pickiness and a nagging need to evaluate, question and examine everything before committing. ;)

  • http://badidea.wordpress.com Bad

    I’m married, so nyah nyah!

  • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl

    Wait, wait. It just came to me. If they want to meet someone maybe they should take the late Ann Landers’ advice and join a church!

  • Susan

    Another atheist female here who enjoys talking politics, the arts and stuff (not particularly religion). Consider this another personal ad.

  • Mriana

    Darryl said,

    January 5, 2008 at 2:06 am

    Mriana, I think your thoughts are sexy; you’ve just haven’t met the right atheist man yet.

    Thanks. :)

    Brian said:

    Sure, you (usually) want children: it’s understandable, because you’ve evolved to want children. I’m sure you know of a few male evolutionary traits that you’re glad we don’t indulge too often. I don’t have the “be fruitful and multiply” attitude, obviously – part of being an atheist, and aspiring “freethinker”, is that I question assumptions such as these too.

    It’s a biological drive to perpetuate the species. Yes, we evolved, but that doesn’t override the biological drive. Should I question your need to eat? It’s the same thing with the biological drive to perpetuate the species. Without this there would be no human race and it is one of those drives that did not go away with evolution. Question it all you want, but the drive is not going to go away because it deals with survival of the species- just like eating, sleeping, etc. Now our ability to reason is what makes the difference.

  • http://liberalfaith.blogspot.com/ Steve Caldwell

    The flip side of the question of atheist single men is the question of why North American churches are perceived as female-dominated.

    Just do a Google search for “feminization of church” and you will find lots of folks who are concerned about this trend. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing probably depends on your view of feminist theology.

    Closer to my church home (Unitarian Universalism) is the concern that our Sunday morning education programs are not “boy friendly” — here’s an article that addresses these concerns:

    What should we do with the boys?

    Even in a religious tradition that welcomes atheists and agnostics, the church culture may be more comfortable for women and girls than for men and boys.

  • RobL

    I am an atheist married to a Methodist for over 20 years now. My non-scientific observation made by watching her and her friends is that there is a connection between motherly instincts and a need for religion. I may be completely full of crap, but it just seems that way to me. She attends church by herself and I have been really surprised to see how many of her female friends attend church sans husband as well. One of her best church friends is married to an atheist. Conversely I never see married men attend her church while their atheist wives stay home. This cant be a statistical anomaly as it is a good size church – I just get the feeling that women are more predisposed on average to need religious belief than men.

    What I see in my wife and her friends is that it is too painful for them to believe that their children have a finite existence. To them the dogma and rituals of the church are unimportant (I know the bible far better than my wife, I’m not sure she has even read it). The friendships and community the church provides are also key ingredients. I have stopped trying to convince her that religion is a bunch of bull simply because I think she would be miserable living with the belief that her children have no spirit that will continue on forever. I would rather live with a happy Methodist than a miserable atheist.

    So for those atheist men out there looking for an atheist woman, I would not make it a deal breaker. Just avoid the bible bangers and the ones that take religion literally. When I ask my wife if she really believes Christ sat up after being dead three days she says no. She believes the miracles in the bible are metaphorical and not literal, but she also has no interest in discussing it any further. I can live with that kind of belief. Be sure you are up front about your lack of belief and be sure they understand it is not something they are going to change (women love men who are fixer-up projects). If your going to marry one just set the ground rules early on how kids are going to be raised. I didn’t do this and when I started resisting our daughter going to vacation bible school (I think I used the words “I don’t want you brainwashing our daughter!”) it came close to a divorce.

    Realize that a lot of atheist men are happily married to moderately religious women. It is not hopeless, just a little more difficult.

  • Josha

    I live in the Bible Belt so finding atheist people, let alone men, is difficult. Recently I went out an a date with a man. Halfway through he asked me if Jesus Christ was my savior.
    It didn’t go well.
    He told me I was going to Hell.
    Funny thing is he still wanted to date me. But I couldn’t get past the whole ‘I think you are an immoral sinner who will pay for your denial of god’s greatness by burning forever in an eternal flame’ thing. Call me picky.

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  • Catt

    Kinda offended on the use of the old fashioned women are more emptional/less logical therefore less interested in such things arguement. Give us a bit more credit than that boys!
    But then again I tend to stay away from females of that sort of mindset, espcially the religious types. I myself actually drive my semi-lutheran boyfriend absolutely bonkers with my rabid atheism/feminism and political rabidness. But I think I’m slowly turning him (he seems less willing to attend church and such, victory!). I’ve found that the idea of education being proportionaly linked to higher levels of atheism or atleast secularism is quite true in my university setting, though less likely to happen with women. But I believe this is related to the position women inhabit within religious homes, where education is okay, but leaving the fold/flock is most definitely not. As far as I’m concerned religion is completely against any form of female liberation, and women that follow religion are thus not exactly going to be argumentative, rational or logical, they aren’t raised or encouraged to be!
    Just my two cents :D
    One more Un-Single Rabid Atheist Girl for the count

  • Julie

    I truly missed the boat. If only I’d been really out when I was single, I could have had a lot of dates, it seems! As soon as I was out, I was paired up. Wasted opportunity!

  • Julie

    Josha: Recently I went out an a date with a man. Halfway through he asked me if Jesus Christ was my savior.
    It didn’t go well.
    He told me I was going to Hell.
    Funny thing is he still wanted to date me.

    Ha ha! Well, you might be going to Hell, but he’s forgiven, so he may as well have some fun, right?

  • Julie

    Ei: Most of the atheist men I know are in fact married.

    Come to think of it, my atheist dad’s been married three times. Marriage number one ended in divorce, and number two ended when his wife passed away. Number three is still going strong. He’s spent a total 37 years married. Didn’t ever seem to have trouble getting married. Doesn’t really have a lot of money, either.

    So come on, guys, get with it!

  • Annie

    Hey, isn’t that the dude from Princess Bride?

    “Mawage! Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

    Mwah-ha-ha!

  • http://toomanytribbles.blogspot.com/ toomanytribbles

    i just saw this and thought of this post:
    http://religiouscomics.net/?p=50

  • http://www.ineedtothink.com Seavee

    I admit that I don’t know many other atheists at all. I was web hopping and found an atheist matchmaking website . I am not all that crazy about matchmaking services but I signed up with a brief profile. I didn’t even put up a picture. I sat down and read the other profiles. There were lots of men with profiles but I found the majority who were interesting where pretty far out of my age range (I am 31).

    It made me wonder if this was the norm or just the demographics of that particular site.

  • http://www.travisjmorgan.com Travis Morgan

    ellen said,

    January 5, 2008 at 12:51 am

    Aside from that, atheist men are probably going to skew smarter and better educated, perhaps in the technical or science fields. This makes it harder for them to find a mate who is their intellectual equal in general. Not that there aren’t smart, educated women, just that the percentage of the population is small so it’s a search that is by definition going to take longer. Also guys in scientific and technical fields tend to be a little, you know, socially retarded. (Speaking as a social retard myself.)

    Yes, I think that is a big part of it. I work in a technical field and I am very technical to begin with. I can’t seem to get myself to small talk, as I find it rather useless to me. In person, I think I am rather dry, socially that is, unless it is an intellectual conversation, then I am all in it. I am very straight forward, no sugar coating. Writing though, I think am able to express myself no problem in writing, and quite creatively at that. I actually enjoy it. I also use art, poetry, music, and other artistic form of expression to express myself. I just can’t bring myself to play the common social game. Not that any of this matters, since I am married, but it’s still valuable to know oneself.

  • kalwynah

    I too live in the bible belt south and am a very strong-minded, independent, and successful Atheist woman. The only man I know that discusses religion, philosophy, technology, politics, and history with me is my best friend who is very much like-minded (except when it comes to music). We tried to date, but it was awkward.

    Eventually, I married a Swede. Swedes are fabulous because they don’t seem to have the same hang ups about religion and Atheists, that I see in North Central Texas. Unfortunately, even though my husband is Atheist, we rarely discuss such topics in detail. Occassionally we poke fun of the herds following the dumbasses, but other than the occassional razz… its just not something we discuss much. I actually wish I had more intriguing conversations with him on such topics. He prefers not to ponder, but rather to not waste a moment of his life disagreeing with idiots. Why bother?

    Hang in there guys, there are intelligent Atheist women out there! Unfortunately, they aren’t all blond, blue-eyed, 36-24-36, with an oral fetish. ;)

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    toomanytribbles said,
    I just saw this and thought of this post:
    http://religiouscomics.net/?p=50

    What a coincidence. I saw this post (and Hemant’s about donating to the SSA and made that post.. :)

    I’m now donating $10 bucks a month to the SSA to help provide more social opportunities to college age atheists to increase the odds that they might meet someone, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. ;)

  • http://hoverfrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    Surely it’s simply a matter of mathematics. If 2% of American men are atheist and 2% of American women are atheist and you know 1000 people then you only have 10 potential partners (assuming that you aren’t bisexual) with the same ideas on religion.

    You could always try to convert someone to atheism….

    …nah, that’s a daft idea.

  • Susan

    I’m in the Bible Belt as well, only because I’m working on a Master’s degree at a state university.

    A few years ago, I was fired from a job at a small Catholic college in Nashville by a fundy boss. I’m the one who held her hand through surgeries, tests and emotional crises. Am I bitter? Only against the South and fundies.

    I’m a fantastic cook, speak French, love animals and am very well traveled.

    • Nelson

      Would love to meet someone like you ;-)

  • Jen

    Oh vomit, really, are we really going to say women hate discussing politics or that men are more rational? Because I will punch any of you morons in the nuts. Maybe that makes me overly emotional and prone to Christianity, but seriously, boys, the nuts. While discussing politics with you. And bragging about my philosophy minor.

    Consider this MY personal ad.

  • Heather

    Well, being single, atheist, and an enjoyer of political and religious debate, I have the hardest time finding men who are the same.

    There is never a good atheist man around when you need one. They have christian singles, why not atheist singles?

    ISO: Atheist male in Southern Colorado. Must like dogs, cats, and not be jealous of the laptop.

  • Julie

    You know, Jen, that kinda’ generalizing really bothers me, too.

    But maybe it’s a matter of discussion style. A lot of men I know can be pretty belligerent about those subjects, even with a significant other. So it might not be the content but the style of the discussion that causes women to turn off and just not want to get into it.

    So I’m just replacing one horrible generalization with another one. That’s how I roll.

  • Robert

    Perhaps religiosity and guillibility do go hand in hand. So what if I prefer being single slack and idle and reasonably well off to being divorce poor and bitter. Societal conventions that promote male sacrifice upon the alter of boring hard work and marriage just plain suck. Personally I prefer this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo Chinese matriarchal system, bugger I miss out, perhaps in the next life time.

  • Siamang

    Okay Jen just won this thread with that post.

  • Darryl

    Until all the facts are known about male and female brains we men must either keep mum or risk the ire of the Jens and speak our observational wisdom: don’t know why, but women are the backbone of evangelical churches (probably all churches). Women take greater part as volunteers and organizers (often dragging their husbands into activities) and are not as challenging of religious authority as men tend to be. There, I generalized. Not threatening to women, but I’m shielding my nuts just in case.

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  • Jen

    Thank you, Siamang!

    But maybe it’s a matter of discussion style. A lot of men I know can be pretty belligerent about those subjects, even with a significant other. So it might not be the content but the style of the discussion that causes women to turn off and just not want to get into it.

    I was actually going to mention that, and then I didn’t. Our society teaches men to be as loud as they need to be, and values competition in men more than in women, and teaches men to be more aggressive. All my life, I have had more female friends than males, and I do think it is a result of how they are socialized differently than I was, and I find large, loud, competitive groups of them to be obnoxious. Therefore, I might be less likely to attend an atheist event, if I had reason to believe it would be mostly men, since
    1. Atheist meetings tend to have more men than women, and tend to be an older crowd
    2. The older the man, the more “male” he was socialized to be, and I find that obnoxious.

    And it might be a vicious cycle- women percieve there are large groups of men, who can be obnoxious in a specific way in large groups, and thus stay away, and therefore the meeting is mostly men.

    I don’t necessarily think men and women are just naturally, biologically different in this case. I absolutely believe we are socialized differently, and as a result, grow up to have these “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” type differences.

    Darryl, I will agree with you to a certain extent:

    don’t know why, but women are the backbone of evangelical churches (probably all churches).

    Perhaps because they are from an era and a specific church-based culture that only values women working in the church and/or at home? If they can’t have jobs, and have kids, and have few places they can socialize with the kids, it makes sense they would value church more than their husbands who have more opportunities to socialize.

    Women… are not as challenging of religious authority as men tend to be.

    Again, doesn’t necessarily mean men are biologically more likely to challenge authority figures. They are socialized to do so, and may have more education regarding specific doctrine that their wives are not privy to. And it may be that Christian women are too damn busy with their four kids, and the homeschooling, and all the domestic chores that they just don’t have time to think.

  • Grimalkin

    Darryl – Instead of attributing “natural” or “biological” traits, think of how much society pressures women to be the organizers, to be the ones who manage the social calendar. We are expected to be our husband’s mothers, we are expected to arrange all the play dates. Men are expected to be aloof, uninterested, needing their wife to drag them to church or to the social activities that are seen as being good for them.

    Maybe this has some biological foundation, but I doubt that it’s really all that strong. Either way, there is a very clear and obvious social pressure for women to act in this way – a pressure that is in part reinforced by you “enlightened atheist men” who assume that we are just too emotional and stupid by nature (as opposed to the religious man who assumes that god(s) made us this way).

    And by the way, Jen is my hero :D

  • http://thesciencepundit.blogspot.com The Science Pundit

    yinyang said,

    Why are so many atheist men single?

    Conformation bias? Is she looking at the Internet alone, or does she notice this in her daily life, too? Because the Internet tends to be skewered toward the young, and the average age at marriage is increasing…

    yinyang, I’ve asked Sara about this as I’m always skeptical whenever anyone makes a generalization based on personal anecdotes. She says that she’s observed the same thing with atheist men she knows outside of the internet. But she has decided to make a dating survey to try to get some actual statistical evidence on he subject. Of course I see all sorts of problems with getting a good representative sample (that could be a huge problem) and honest “atheist” evaluations (I think a better strategy than asking if one is an atheist–since many people don’t really understand what the word “atheist” means and therefore don’t identify themselves as such–she should ask questions about beliefs and world-views).

    ~Javier

  • http://badidea.wordpress.com Bad

    Given that pretty much any single person of a certain age is complaining that there are no good single X’s out there, I think this is ultimately more of a feature of social reality than it is of atheism in particular.

  • Adam

    I met an atheist woman not too long ago at my college. I feel (felt) so lucky that I met her too. We discussed philosophy and even made fun of a few religious nut-jobs :p…I’m not too sure if I’ll see her again though. Last I heard, she was engaged…

    To a theist! :O what’re the odds…?! Lol.

  • http://www.spoio.com Lion

    I believe that women who are raised christian are being socialized to serve the church interests more than men and they do enjoy the socialness of it more. The bible teaches that men are in charge of everyone, so these women are less likely to question anything. It is a matter of indoctrination, which is very hard for anyone to break, but even harder for those raised to accept their mans dominance. It was an ingeniously evil plot devised by the church leaders — all men in the dark ages. women are as capable of free thought as men, but don’t have the encouragement to do so. That is why atheists should have kids — the first thing you are taught as a child has the greatest chance of sticking with you for life…FOR LIFE.

  • down here with the mortals

    I’ve recently become interested in this atheism stuff, and reading some of these things is really kind of going back about a decade or so in maturity. Grown men who are so self-absorbed, spending their energies discussing (arguing) such esoteric issues as if their opinions were so critically important to life on this planet, and then whining *whining* about others whose beliefs may be different, or maybe they just have other real things to spend their time on (like jobs, nurturing relationships, and maybe, dare I say it, raising children) and don’t see the need for the intellectual masturbation that so many of you seem to. Intelligence in and of itself is pretty worthless if you choose to use it in such a wasteful manner – eloquence equally. Instead of looking down on others who aren’t like you (perhaps in IQ, perhaps in self-involvement), lighten the fuck up, become part of the human race, and understand that feeling intellectually superior is just as bad as feeling morally superior, and just as bad as believing in things that can’t fully be explained. You are no better.
    And btw, the women not liking the same topics of conversation? Not a atheist vs. ‘other’ thing. Women are different than men, and just as varied as men. So learn some tolerance of others and you won’t be so frustrated or lonely. I’m now going to await they flaming commentary that I’m sure will ensue.

  • Mitch

    It seems to me the answer is obvious, God will get you laid…..then send you to hell for it.

  • Joseph Heston

    What I don’t understand is why more women aren’t atheists, agnostics, or deists? Aren’t most religions intolerant of the female gender? I would expect more men to be religious because religion does favor men, but it seems like the other way around is true.

    • JohnM

      Because it takes greater intelligence to see thru the bull shit that religion is. So men are obviously smarter then women. I’ve never met one christian woman who ever bothered to research out any other religions to see how they might have influenced their own. If they would have studied the Egyptians, they would have known that the Ten Commendments is nothing but an edited and modified version of Spell 125 from the book of the dead!  If they knew anything at all, they would know that astrology is the foundation of every religion on the planet, and that Jesus is nothing but an astrological metaphor for the SUN….but what do I know?  I’m just a man