The Top 50 Atheist Aphorisms

An unofficial list of the “Top 50 Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms” according to… well, I’m not sure. But some are quite entertaining:

  1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
  2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
  3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
  4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
  5. There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
  6. “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God.
  7. God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
  8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
  9. He’s Dead.

    It’s Been 2,000 years.
    He’s Not Coming Back.
    Get OVER It Already!

  10. All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.
  11. Viva La Evolución!
  12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
  13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
  14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
  15. People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
  16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
  17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
  18. GOD – APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
  19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
  20. God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
  21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
  22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
  23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
    A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
  24. You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
  25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
  26. Science: It Works, Bitches.
  27. “Intelligent Design” Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
  28. I Found God Between The Sheets
  29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
  30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
  31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
  32. If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
  33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
  34. ALL Americans Are African Americans
  35. I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
  36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
  37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
  38. If we were made in his image, then why aren’t humans invisible too?
  39. JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
  40. How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
  41. Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?

    A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.

  42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
  43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
  44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
  45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
  46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
  47. Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
  48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
  49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
    Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.
  50. No Gods. No Mullets.

    Is the list missing anything?

    (Via GrrlScientist)


    [tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

    • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

      I think you missed the most popular one of all, ” I’m smart but you’re a stupid faith-head. “

    • http://www.cognitivedissident.org cognitive dissident

      My favorites: 2, 6, 22, 42, and 47.

      This classic really needs to be added: “Don’t pray in my school, and I won’t think in your church.”

      I can only imagine how much vandalism these bumper stickers must incite…

    • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

      There may be ten of these worth repeating. The rest are crap. If this is the extent of the imaginative capacity of atheists then the theists have already won.

    • John

      This one wins:

      42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex

    • Chris_O

      “If you think god is your co-pilot, try letting him land the plane”

    • http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/ Paul

      Um…olvlzl…maybe you missed it, but…they pretty much all say that.

    • http://skeptigator.com Skeptigator

      Kids: Don’t Fuck With God Or Bears Will Eat You

    • http://www.sunandsmoke.com Robert Nevin

      Excellent list! It makes for a nice stockpile of sig material for online message boards.

      Here’s one that deserves to be on the list: “Praying is begging”.
      I think that comes from the American Atheists.

    • Rovakur

      Cognitive Dissident’s is a great one I’ve seen before. Chris_O’s is good; it reminds me of, “God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.” (I’ve seen that one on items at NorthernSun.)

      “The difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate controlled.”

      “And God said unto His followers, ‘Get on your knees and prey.’”

      “Jesus H[aploid] Christ.”

    • Mriana

      All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.

      Poe was so right on this. Too bad the ultra religious don’t realize this.

      You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing

      Now this is my saying! :lol: Now that is one badge of honour I do wear with honour. :D

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    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Is the list missing anything?

      Friendliness?

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      olvlzl, no ism, no ist said:

      I think you missed the most popular one of all, ” I’m smart but you’re a stupid faith-head. “

      No, they have a couple roughly along those lines :( :

      Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
      JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself

      Gotta wonder what Ken Miller would think of these.

    • Rovakur

      Helen said,
      January 15, 2008 at 11:22 am

      Is the list missing anything?

      Friendliness?

      Hey now, I can’t stand anyone dissing cheese, either. :) Most cheeses are great (unless you’re lactose intolerant…what kind of benevolent deity does that to people???); regardless, there’s no lard in any of ‘em.

      In all seriousness, though, how often are the religious affable to those whom they are aware are atheists? Warmth frequently seems to go cold when the religious learn of my atheism. This could serve as an argument for number 2 up there.

      The list may not make those off-put inclined to hug an atheist, but in my experience it’s comparatively more chivalrous than much religious commentary. I view it along the lines of Letterman’s Top Ten. Some of the comments, on the other hand…

      Since you don’t know me, Helen, and since it’s often difficult to interpret tone, etc. from type, I just want to add that I wasn’t criticizing you, or necessarily your comment. Rather, I responded to an interpretation of the comment. :)

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Rovakur, thanks for your response. As you said, it’s hard to interpret ‘tone’ online. The following are intended to be friendly/curious questions, not hostile ones:

      Are you saying, you won’t be affable until they are?

      Why let their behavior determine yours?

    • http://www.badastronomy.com Phil Plait

      >Is the list missing anything?

      Yes. Yes, it is.

    • Samuel Skinner

      Religion: the origional pyramid scheme.

      When you kill one man you’re a murderer, a bunch you’re a psycho, thousand and you’re a hero, millions you’re a conqueror and if you kill them all… you are God!

      Transubstantiation: Just say no to cannabalism.

      Anything God can’t do we can do better.

      Atheist: a man who sells his soul to get money to give to the needy; theist; one who takes from the needy to protect his soul.

      Faith is the refusal to see reality. Sanity is the insistance on reality.

      Remeber the awful price of losing faith; Satan wins the bet with God. (see Job if you don’t get it)

    • http://brownjs.wordpress.com/ J.S.Brown

      “WWJD? LOL! …FJ!”

    • http://blog.dmcleish.id.au Shishberg
    • http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/ miller

      In all seriousness, though, how often are the religious affable to those whom they are aware are atheists?

      Everyone I know is affable.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      J.S. Brown said,

      “WWJD? LOL! …FJ!”

      What if I told you Jesus was a heretic according to the religious. He was also a liberal and a polemicist. So there you go!

      I find the list quite funny, BTW. But I agree with Helen too.

    • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

      Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
      JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself

      J. J. Ramsey, clearly the person who came up with that one has a comprehensive knowledge of the history of Western thought, in his own mind. I’ve never read an atheist website that has thinking that can begin to match the best of liberal religious blogs. And they’re almost, to a person, more open-minded about atheists and others than any atheist blog to be found.

      Helen, I’m beginning to think that in terms of friendliness, it’s just a ruse. Eventually the record of insults and conceit have a cumulative effect. And it gets awfully whiny too.

    • grazatt

      olvlzl, no ism, no ist
      just remember when you’re down and out lift up your head and shout
      FUCK IT

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    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      olvizi: “Helen, I’m beginning to think that in terms of friendliness, it’s just a ruse.”

      I don’t think it’s a ruse so much as Hemant not being so careful. Some of the atheist aphorisms are such gross distortions that I doubt Hemant even read them that closely before giving his approval.

      It would certainly be proper of him–and befitting the site as well–to apologize for presenting the stupider and sloppier aphorisms.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      JJ – yes, I was wondering: does this list belong on a friendly atheist site? Without any comment about its lack of friendliness?

      olvlzl, no ism, no ist I don’t understand your comment. Are you saying it’s whiny or a ruse to mention friendliness?

    • xarexerax

      I’ll preface this by saying that this is, essentially, the first post here I’ve read; I followed some Google link referencing Jessica Hagy.

      That said, I’ll also note that I’m a “stupid faith-head”. Don’t worry, though. Not all of us have lost our sense of humor, and certainly not all of us have any malicious intent in trying to peruse such sites.

      Is the list friendly? Probably not. But it’s from an outside source, it’s meant to be humorous, and – quite frankly – it’s an excellent collection of replies to any of a number of similarly spite-infused religiously themed aphorisms.

      In any case, I just had to speak up on behalf of us “intolerant” types, and do something to dispel the apparently rampant belief that everyone who has faith in something is, by definition, an ignorant, self-serving, egomaniacal [religious text]-thumper bent on converting the masses, smiting the heathens, and generally ignoring the actual core tenets of any given faith.

    • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

      Helen, I was confirming that there are those of us who are wondering if there is such a thing as friendliness in neo-atheism. Perhaps the whiny tone so often found on atheist blogs is the entirely predictable response that their baseless assertions of superiority, their claims of ownership of such things as logic, reason and science and the inescapable conclusion that they consider those who are not atheists to be depraved idiots. You do those things, people tend to not like you or vote for you to be president.

      grazatt, I try not to say fuck, it tends to glue up ones style.

    • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

      xarexerax, I’ve written a piece about comedy that isn’t funny. This list isn’t not funny enough to even make a revision, if that post gets revised.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      olvlzl, no ism, no ist, thanks for explaining – I understand what you mean now. I’ve encountered polite and rude atheists and polite and rude Christians online. I prefer the polite ones in either group – I care more about the way they treat me than what they profess to believe.

    • grazatt

      well olvlzl, no ism, no ist just remember “dying is easy,comedy is hard”

    • Rovakur

      miller said,
      January 15, 2008 at 4:08 pm

      [Rovakur said] “In all seriousness, though, how often are the religious affable to those whom they are aware are atheists?”

      Everyone I know is affable.

      Everyone you know exudes warmth and friendliness and is good-natured? If so, I think you’re quite fortunate. This is an example of (well, at least my) difficulty reading into meaning. When I don’t know someone, or am unable to infer tone/meaning, I tend to take things literally instead of assigning my own assumptions to them. So, I’m compelled to ask, what do you mean by “everyone I know”? (My desire to understand and be understood is greater than my dislike of semantics.)

      To add to/clarify what I meant in the quoted comment, I didn’t mean to imply that people are no longer friendly when they learn of another’s atheism. I perhaps should have said something along the lines of, “In my experience, people aren’t as friendly when they learn of my atheism.” And this is a good segue to Helen’s reply…

      Helen said,
      January 15, 2008 at 12:10 pm

      Rovakur, thanks for your response. As you said, it’s hard to interpret ‘tone’ online. The following are intended to be friendly/curious questions, not hostile ones:

      Are you saying, you won’t be affable until they are?

      I think I tend to be rather affable (even altruistic), especially in person; online I’m not always sure how I come across. I definitely don’t wait to be nice until I’ve been treated as such (I’m not sure how often I’d be nice if that were the case!).

      Why let their behavior determine yours?

      If something I wrote came across that way, I didn’t mean it to. I do my best to not allow others affect my demeanor (in the moment), but occasionally fail for whatever reason. Personal experience shapes us, so in that respect my behavior is influenced by others. I’d probably write more, but I need to go for now…

    • AJ

      J. J. Ramsey,

      I don’t think it’s a ruse so much as Hemant not being so careful. Some of the atheist aphorisms are such gross distortions that I doubt Hemant even read them that closely before giving his approval.

      I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but there are people who are professionals at that sort of things, maybe you’ve heard of them, they’re called comedians.

      Gotta wonder what Ken Miller would think of these.

      Perhaps you should show him Beyond Belief 2006, when Neil deGrasse Tyson made the point that when there’s no scientific answer, some of the most important scientists, say “God did it” and give up. Then maybe the Stephen Colbert interview with Richard Dawkins, where Colbert says something like: “Wouldn’t it be easier to just say God did it”? I don’t think Ken Miller would mind that much.

    • Tamy

      I don’t care either way, the damnable list is just funny…
      rainbows=god’s gay sexing ways…..Isn’t god a homophobe?

    • http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/ miller

      Rovakur,
      I was speaking in the context of what you said. I don’t mean that absolutely everyone I meet is friendly, but that no one has ever been less friendly to me as a result of my atheism. Most people don’t even comment on it. This includes devoutly religious people. Maybe that does mean I’m fortunate, or that I live in a fortunate location (a big city in a blue state).

    • Jen

      Hermant, I get tired of all the complaining any time you do or type anything that is slightly less than what other people believe to be “friendly”. Therefore, I propose a new blog name:

      The Mostly Friendly but Still Human and Given to Laughing at Things Even If They Do Not Entirely Sum Up The Mission Statement Of This Blog Atheist.

    • http://teenatheist.wordpress.com/ Teen Atheist

      42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex

      Teh LULZ.

      This list totally made my day. :D

    • Richard Wade

      This list is awful. I don’t find it funny. I’m embarrassed and ashamed by it.

      Jen, I’m not complaining, I’m disagreeing and I’m repudiating it. This isn’t just being human and laughing at someting “less than friendly.” This is hate.

      I love humor and satire and I attempt to bring it to this site more than anyone else. But I’d never say anything like this. This is just a cheap imitation of clever humor, fifty ways to say “fuck you.”

      xarexerax came across this post as his/her first introduction to the site, and he/she sounds thoughtful and interesting. It is disappointing that anyone wanting to have a civil dialogue with him/her now has to live this down first, if we even get the chance.

      If you guys are bored and want to indulge in juvenile, hateful “faith-head” bashing there are several other blogs that really encourage it. You can learn all sorts of ways to insult and humiliate. Take the stairs all the way down and turn to the right.

    • AJ

      Richard Wade,

      I love humor and satire and I attempt to bring it to this site more than anyone else. But I’d never say anything like this. This is just a cheap imitation of clever humor, fifty ways to say “fuck you.”

      “Attempt” being the operative word. You’d never say anything funny? I expect the overreacting from people who seem to make it their mission, but complaining that some humour is pointed? Get a sense of humour in here, stat.

    • valhar2000

      Yeah, it seems to me Hemant should have pre-faced this with a warming to Christians not to read it; it does contradict the friendlyness of the blogs name. Not that they wouldn’t have read it anyway…

    • http://ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      C’mom, people! Give me a break!

      Is this the first time that atheists insulted Christians on this blog, or vice versa? (although it’s usually the former).

      I’v learned to let it roll off my back and laugh along with you. Many of what you say in anger, frustration, or sick humor are usually true and brought on by the actions of many fellow Christians. I know that. Some things go overboard, yes. But at least you put it out in the open. I say let the real feelings come out, if that’s what you feel. It’s better than “pretending” to be friendly. And as Jen said, who can be friendly 100% of the time? It would be a lie and not genuine.

      If Christians take the stuff like this thread to heart and get offended by it, then they have no business being in the real world.

      I know that most atheists here are friendly and some are not. That’s reality. If you want to put on a facade and hide the blemishes, then you’re no different than the Christians.

      Hemant, I don’t think you were wrong to post it. Not at all…

    • http://heathendad.blogspot.com/ HappyNat

      Isn’t god a homophobe?

      Sure he is and just like any good homophobe he also enjoys gay sex. :)

    • grazatt

      Just remember, good taste is timeless but a good time is almost always tasteless!

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      Also remember, tasteless plays an essential role in recognizing the tasteful…

      Another thought: Spicy, bitter, salty, and stinky are considered good taste in some cultures.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Rovakur, thanks for your response. Although I used ‘you’ I meant the general ‘you’ as in, anyone reading…which might not have been clear. If you say you’re affable I believe it – I was addressing the argument you made.

      Whenever someone seems to be making the case “If they aren’t friendly to me why should I be friendly back?” I always wonder why they are letting their behavior be determined by others.

      Jen wrote:

      Hermant, I get tired of all the complaining any time you do or type anything that is slightly less than what other people believe to be “friendly”. Therefore, I propose a new blog name:

      The Mostly Friendly but Still Human and Given to Laughing at Things Even If They Do Not Entirely Sum Up The Mission Statement Of This Blog Atheist.

      Jen, since when was ‘being mean’ a necessary part of being human? (Unless you’re a conservative Christian who believes in total depravity – is that it?)

      Anyway I like that your new title clarifies that not everything on here is necessarily going to be friendly.

      Richard Wade wrote:

      I love humor and satire and I attempt to bring it to this site more than anyone else. But I’d never say anything like this. This is just a cheap imitation of clever humor, fifty ways to say “fuck you.”

      Exactly – thanks Richard.

      valhar2000 wrote:

      Yeah, it seems to me Hemant should have pre-faced this with a warming to Christians not to read it; it does contradict the friendlyness of the blogs name. Not that they wouldn’t have read it anyway…

      Actually I would prefer Christians did read it and then ask themselves – why are people who aren’t Christians so pissed off at us that they make jokes like this? If they seriously look for the answers to that question, it might lead to changes which make the world a better place.

      But I like the idea of a disclaimer or intro. Not Jen’s which implies “human=mean” (imo) but maybe one which says – what do you think of these? Funny? Offensive? Why?

      Hemant by saying “is anything missing?” is implicitly affirming them (imo) and also saying “add your own” (I think) – which encourages more of the meanness that to me underlies these. That bothers me.

      I have no doubt about Hemant being a friendly atheist who puts time and effort into improving the image of atheists. I have a great deal of respect for him notwithstanding my comments about this particular post.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      Helen said,

      Actually I would prefer Christians did read it and then ask themselves – why are people who aren’t Christians so pissed off at us that they make jokes like this?

      I’m in a spicy mood today. Let me take a shot at that. Hmm… Let’s see.

      Why am I pissed off at Christians? I am one by the way, so I sometimes am pissed off at myself.

      1. Christians try to portray themselves as friendlier-than-thou.
      2. Christians judge other Christians, not to mention non-Christians, saying “why can’t you be as friendly as me?”
      3. Christians claim Christianity is the most friendly religion.
      4. Christians teach and try to force friendliness that may not be there.
      5. Christians preach that if you pretend to be friendly and put on a fake friendly face, then you can win them over to our side.
      6. Even the most friendly Christians, (i.e. Jared, Mike, dare I include myself?) if they believe their truth is the one and only truth, cannot possibly see others on a truly equal level (honestly).

      I’m sure I can keep going, but you get the idea. I like visiting the Friendly Atheist because people here are generally “real” and unpretentious. You say it like it is. You have no fear of telling the truth for the moment. You don’t have that “Oh, no, what will God think of me” complex. There’s so much more freedom here. I can breathe here (most of the time.)

      I fell in love with you not because of your “friendliness” but because of your “realness.” And I hope to God that doesn’t change.

      But that’s just me. So carry on. :)

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      p.s. – what makes this place even more friendly is the fact that you can feel free to be unfriendly at times without the fear of everyone stoning you for it. Without that, “friendly” will become just a meaningless word to me. I can go to any church for that kind of friendly.

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      AJ:

      Perhaps you should show him Beyond Belief 2006, when Neil deGrasse Tyson made the point that when there’s no scientific answer, some of the most important scientists, say “God did it” and give up.

      Which–even presuming that you related Tyson’s meaning correctly–is far from saying that the religious are too stupid to understand science, or that Christians don’t think for themselves.

      Linda:

      I’v learned to let it roll off my back and laugh along with you. Many of what you say in anger, frustration, or sick humor are usually true and brought on by the actions of many fellow Christians. I know that. Some things go overboard, yes. But at least you put it out in the open. I say let the real feelings come out, if that’s what you feel. It’s better than “pretending” to be friendly. And as Jen said, who can be friendly 100% of the time? It would be a lie and not genuine.

      I’m glad for your sake that you can take it in stride, but I find several of these jokes unfunny in about the same way that I find creationist jokes about evolution unfunny. Not all of them are bad. For example, while “Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That” is too randy for my personal taste, I wouldn’t knock someone for laughing at it. I find “How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made …” fairly insightful. Some humor, though, is just a cutesy way to repackage falsehood, and too many of those atheist aphorisms fall into that category.

    • AJ

      J. J. Ramsey,

      Which–even presuming that you related Tyson’s meaning correctly–is far from saying that the religious are too stupid to understand science, or that Christians don’t think for themselves.

      I assumed you were interpreting those lines as they are obviously meant, for a moment I forgot who I was responding to. If that’s what you see when reading those lines, I can see your problem with them. That’s not the sentiment I’m getting from people, or these aphorisms.

      They’re short, inaccurate, generalizing, crude, they rely on common sense to be understood. If you want to interpret the worst from what atheists say, you’re not complaining about what they mean, just how they say it. They’re one liners meant for t-shirts and bumper stickers.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      I find several of these jokes unfunny in about the same way that I find creationist jokes about evolution unfunny.

      Yes, J.J. I find many of them unfunny also. But that doesn’t necessarily make them wrong for saying them, if that’s what they feel they need to express. To say that just because I find it unfunny, no one else should laugh at it (or that they are wrong for laughing) is completely unfair.

      That’s how taboos are created, and we will eventually only be laughing underground, alone, in the darkness where no one can see us. Then we will be forming a secret “laugh” cartel to sell the laughs in the black market. Then everyone will be intrigued and will be secretly searching and downloading the “laughs” on their computer. Everyone will suspect that everyone else is laughing in privacy, but no one will talk about it or admit to it.

      Oh the sins that we commit. We will then need to go to church so we can be forgiven for laughing, even though we cannot possibly stop.

    • Mriana

      Christians friendly? Not all of them and those who aren’t are the worst about judging people and they also seem to be the ones who do exactly what they say not to do.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Linda wrote:

      I like visiting the Friendly Atheist because people here are generally “real” and unpretentious.

      Fair enough…but I don’t see much ‘real’ about the list of aphorisms. It’s based on derogatory stereotypes rather than reality.

      We will then need to go to church so we can be forgiven for laughing, even though we cannot possibly stop.

      Linda, do you see the difference between laughing with people and atpeople?

      I love humor but I prefer when it is not at the expense of others.

    • xarexerax

      Wow, this seems to have sparked quite the range of emotions. Given the virulent nature of this whole affair, I’m gonna take this chance to speak my piece a bit more in-depth than I did above.

      First, to those who think that this is a baseless and unmerited attack on Christianity, I again point out that a number of Christian bumper stickers exist to which many on this list are replies; there’s a lot of insular hatred towards the non-believing masses out there, and it’s only fair that, friendly or otherwise, the “other side” gets to vent their frustrations at the rampant hipocrasy present in such.

      I said before that I’m a Christian myself. I should clarify this; I believe in the teachings of Christ. I don’t go to church, I don’t belong to any denomination, and I’m not an advocate of organized (and especially state-affiliated) religion. I see lists like this not as an attack against Christianity, but as an assault against the flaws, misgivings, and general failure not of the beliefs, but of the believers.

      On the whole, I find myself often distancing myself from other Christians, simply because they are often intolerant, close-minded, and unwilling to accept that lifestyles other than they’re own might be valid. I, perhaps in my own bout of hipocrasy, cannot tolerate their intolerance; my wife is wiccan, I don’t need my grandfather telling her casually over dinner that she’s going to burn in the eternal fires of Hell or railing against her for “leading me astray”. I’ve got friends who are Christian, Jewish, Wiccan, gay, and any of a various other assortment of groups that many churches would tell me I’m supposed to hate, while ignoring the fact that — shockingly — these are exactly the kinds of people that Christ said we’re supposed to associate with, and not for reasons of altruism and “saving the heathens”, but simply because we’re supposed to identify with and appreciate humanity in all its forms.

      I’m ashamed every time I see some famous Christian right-winger speaking out against the evils of the world. That’s not what it’s about. That’s why I don’t take issue with the list presented here. Well, that, and because I realise that sometimes, in order to get through life, you’ve gotta set your moral high ground to the side for a second and laugh at life, at other people, and – most importantly – at yourself.

    • http://www.wordsfromthewya.com/between-the-trees Jake Meador

      Random observation- I believe #41 was actually originally written by a Christian writer. (Anne Lamott… definitely not an evangelical, more of a Jesus-y feminist writer who has perhaps the most winsome, endearing tone this side of Leonard Pitts)

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      xarexerax:

      First, to those who think that this is a baseless and unmerited attack on Christianity, I again point out that a number of Christian bumper stickers exist to which many on this list are replies; there’s a lot of insular hatred towards the non-believing masses out there,

      Yes, there is a lot of insular hatred and even outright stupidity from Christians, but it’s not even close to being from all Christians. It’s not fair to represent such a motley group with a wide range of opinions by its worst members.

      and it’s only fair that, friendly or otherwise, the “other side” gets to vent their frustrations at the rampant hipocrasy present in such.

      It’s one thing to vent frustrations, and a whole other thing to engage in rampant stereotyping. This goes double for those who see themselves as on the side of rationality.

    • xarexerax

      J.J.

      It’s one thing to vent frustrations, and a whole other thing to engage in rampant stereotyping. This goes double for those who see themselves as on the side of rationality.

      I can definitely see what you’re saying; it’s an issue of give-and-take, I think, wherein both groups oft stereotype the other. I’m not trying to defend, by necessity, any of the things said, but I’m certainly giong to defend the right to say it. My main point is that, whether or not such things are “right” by any standard, they can certainly be seen as justified given the nature of the thing, and given the way that opposing views lean towards a tendency to rail on each other in such a fashion.

      I suppose context is the key in this; again, I see this as a mostly-harmless comedy collection in the context it’s presented here, but in different presentation this same list could be spiteful, hurtful, and certainly counterproductive to trying to push the “rational” agenda.

    • Claire

      Linda, I was tempted to join in earlier but then I found you (and xaexerax) had already said most of what I wanted to say, so stop stealing my material, ok? :-)

      Linda, do you see the difference between laughing with people and at people?

      I suspect Linda does. My question in return is, do you see the difference between making fun of ideas and making fun of people? Only about 25% of these specify christians, the rest target ideas, and some ideas deserve to be made fun of.

      It’s not fair to represent such a motley group with a wide range of opinions by its worst members.

      Yes, and it’s just as unfair to say that all these sayings are mean and hateful as it would be for me to say they are all as innocuous as #11. Some are mean, some are stupid, and many are very funny and, like lots of humor, more than a little pointed, and a few are seriously hilarious. You can’t lump the sayings all together either.

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      Claire: “Yes, and it’s just as unfair to say that all these sayings are mean and hateful as it would be for me to say they are all as innocuous as #11.”

      Well, then it’s a good thing that I didn’t do that.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      OMG, Claire! You saved me. (from embarrassment)

      I was about to post a nasty comment that I would have regreted for days to come. Thank you!

      xarexerax,

      You’re gonna have to pick an easier name… I had to retype it four times. :-( Anyway, you said everything very well. I concur. :)

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Claire wrote:

      My question in return is, do you see the difference between making fun of ideas and making fun of people? Only about 25% of these specify christians, the rest target ideas,

      That’s 25% too many, then.

      Are you counting the ones about God as about ideas? To Christians God is not an idea, he’s a person. Insulting God is like insulting their best friend.

      and some ideas deserve to be made fun of.

      …in your opinion.

      If you think this is a good argument, then you have no comeback if Christians, who outnumber atheists, think atheism deserves to be made fun of.

      Arguments which can be turned around and used against you by those who outnumber you are unwise, imo.

    • Claire

      Well, then it’s a good thing that I didn’t do that.

      I’m not sure here, did you mean to imply by this that I said you did? I didn’t do that either. I did quote you on the question of unfairness, which is the same point several other people made, because it was succint and well phrased. I meant to criticise the tendency to do this, not imply that you had done it. I realize now that I wasn’t clear, and I’m sorry for that.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      J.J. Ramsey,

      I have a bone to pick with you. You said,

      It’s one thing to vent frustrations, and a whole other thing to engage in rampant stereotyping. This goes double for those who see themselves as on the side of rationality.

      Do I understand you correctly that “those who see themselves as on the side of rationality” (i.e. you, among other atheists?) are above making mistakes or having their irrational moments? Is that one of those “Let’s not stoop to their level” comments? Now, I don’t find the aphorisms offensive, as they are meant to be laughed at or shrugged off (the way I see it). I do, however, find your comment somewhat unfriendly.

      I don’t remember you guys being all up in arms when I brought up a similar beef with Hemant on a different thread which I thought portrayed the Christians unfairly. I’ve learned from that. But do you mean to tell me that what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander?

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      Helen,

      You said,

      Are you counting the ones about God as about ideas? To Christians God is not an idea, he’s a person. Insulting God is like insulting their best friend.

      Don’t you think God can take care of himself? I would have to suggest that it may be more of an insult to him for you to think that you need to defend him.

      If you think this is a good argument, then you have no comeback if Christians, who outnumber atheists, think atheism deserves to be made fun of.

      I’m sure many atheists here will agree that some of the ways that atheism is portrayed do deserve to be made fun of or dismissed.

      Arguments which can be turned around and used against you by those who outnumber you are unwise, imo.

      Isn’t that what Jesus did? Are you calling him unwise? If you’re using the majority argument as your rationalization, then you seriously need to look at why you believe what you believe.

    • Claire

      Helen said:

      Are you counting the ones about God as about ideas? To Christians God is not an idea, he’s a person. Insulting God is like insulting their best friend.

      Unless you can empirically prove an existence, I am entitled to consider god as an idea. If you disagree, you are entitled to that, but I shouldn’t have to change my ideas just because the alternative hurts someone’s feelings.

      If you think this is a good argument, then you have no comeback if Christians, who outnumber atheists, think atheism deserves to be made fun of.

      It wasn’t an argument, it was an opinion.

      Part of humor lies in pointing out internal contradictions. Internal contradictions are found in some ideas. Therefore, some ideas lend themselves to humor. That’s an argument.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Linda, I agree with you about God taking care of himself. I’m not interested in defending God. I don’t understand why Christians feel they need to.

      I wasn’t using the ‘majority’ argument in my comment to Claire. What I said was analogous to, people in glass houses are well-advised not to throw stones especially when the people who they are throwing them at far outnumber them. I agree that the majority being the majority doesn’t make them wise but the reality is, it often makes them powerful.

      Claire, yes you’re entitled to consider god as an idea. No you don’t have to change your ideas because the alternative hurts someone’s feelings. (I don’t see why they feel entitled to take offense at your ideas about god anyway). If you – or anyone decides they want to be thought of as friendly that places some constraints on the way they express themself. The “I’m entitled to say what I want when I want the way I want” is an approach which is likely to be in conflict with “I want to be friendly” at times and then people have to choose which is more important to them. According to their value system.

    • Mriana

      Helen said,

      January 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm

      Linda, I agree with you about God taking care of himself. I’m not interested in defending God. I don’t understand why Christians feel they need to.

      What they are defending is their concept of God and nothing else. They feel their concept of their deity is threaten when they begin to be defensive about what is said. Those that feel secure in their beliefs are not as defensive.

    • Claire

      Helen said:

      What I said was analogous to, people in glass houses are well-advised not to throw stones especially when the people who they are throwing them at far outnumber them.

      The problem with this metaphor (to stretch it even further) is that I’m not living in a glass house, and most of those sayings were more like marshmallows than rocks. I have no house at all (metaphorically speaking), and I have generally found that my arguments have more weight and substance than those of people who do choose to live in such fragile and easily damaged places.

      The “I’m entitled to say what I want when I want the way I want” is an approach which is likely to be in conflict with “I want to be friendly” at times and then people have to choose which is more important to them. According to their value system.

      Ok, but there are other values to consider, outside of that dichotomy. I favor civility (mostly) and honesty (always), so I fall inbetween – I’m not always friendly but I don’t always say what I want. And honestly, some of those were genuinely funny.

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      Claire: “I realize now that I wasn’t clear, and I’m sorry for that.”

      Ok. Thanks for the apology. :)

      Linda:

      Do I understand you correctly that “those who see themselves as on the side of rationality” (i.e. you, among other atheists?) are above making mistakes or having their irrational moments?

      I wish!

      Actually, I see myself as someone who tries to be rational, rather than one who is necessarily on the side of rationality outright. I’ve made enough mistakes to be leery of thinking otherwise. Rather, I had in mind someone more like Shalini, who goes on about a “war between rationalism and superstition.” If one is going to get on one’s high horse like that, one had better follow through.

      Linda:

      But do you mean to tell me that what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander?

      More like two wrongs don’t make a right.

    • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

      Since some 75% to 90% (depending on survey) of the people in the US are religious, this majority logically includes many who are stupid and irrational. This fact isn’t necessarily a criticism of religion itself… just a fact of statistics. Atheists tend to be more rational and better educated for no other reason than it takes some courage and conviction to stand apart from the majority and most atheists site reason as the reason they stand apart.

      If trends continue and in 4 or 5 more generations, non-religious people out-number religious people, then it will take courage and conviction to “stand apart” (from the majority) and be religious. At that time you may see the stupid and irrational mainly among the non-religious.

      So I say criticize and make fun of the ideas, not the people.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      J.J. Ramsey,

      More like two wrongs don’t make a right.

      But three rights make a left. :-) (says Spongebob)

    • http://olvlzl.blogspot.com olvlzl, no ism, no ist

      I have generally found that my arguments have more weight and substance than those of people who do choose to live in such fragile and easily damaged places.

      OK, now that’s funny.

    • http://insayneasylum.deviantart.com/ Patti

      These made me snerk. The “Look honey, another pro-lifer for war” one really struck home. I have a friend who is a die-hard anti-abortion, but she’s very pro-iraq war.

      It made me LOL. These rocked!

    • Flonkbob

      Oh for cryin’ on concrete! I thought they were funny. And I don’t care if it offends my Ex-bro.s and Sis.s in Krist. The reason things like this get said, and laughed at, is that they are in some way true.

      If I offend someone with the truth, tough. I don’t have enough life span left to worry about whiners.

    • http://gerpg.com Aatch

      The problem with all you theist’s complaining about the lack of friendliness in this post/blog are missing a vital point about Atheists. Most of us love a good argument, its often why we are Atheists in the first place. But being friendly often does not help towards starting an argument.

      Personally, I dislike theist’s because of things like this. Atheists in America are becoming almost prosecuted. It not merely a lack of an atheist president but a disdain towards them. George Bush (Junior I think, I’m not american, so…) was quoted as saying “Atheists should not be considered patriots, or even American Citizens”. That is discrimination if I ever saw it.

      When was the last time you saw a devout christian scientist? But scientists, of various areas, have contributed the most to society throughout history. What has religion contributed? Bigotry, war, violence. Most religious people are more violent than any others.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      If I offend someone with the truth, tough. I don’t have enough life span left to worry about whiners.

      Lots of Christians seem to feel that way also. That’s why some of them will continue to tell you you’re going to hell until you’re way past sick of hearing it. But presumably you wouldn’t ‘whine’ if that happened. Since they’re only doing what you would do.

    • http://merkdorp.blogspot.com J. J. Ramsey

      Flonkbob: “The reason things like this get said, and laughed at, is that they are in some way true.”

      Correction: Things like this get to be said because they are thought to be true, regardless of whether that is really the case.

    • HappyNat

      Lots of Christians seem to feel that way also. That’s why some of them will continue to tell you you’re going to hell until you’re way past sick of hearing it. But presumably you wouldn’t ‘whine’ if that happened. Since they’re only doing what you would do.

      I may get tired of being told I’m going to hell, but I would never whine about it. I may point and laugh at them, but I wouldn’t whine. :)

      I guess I really have a tough time sympathizing with someone who is offended by a t-shirt or bumper sticker. I can’t imagine being threatened by a person’s opinions, but I’m a sucker for free speech like that . . .

    • http://brightsblog.wordpress.com Pantalaimon

      @ Aatch, it was George Bush senior in 1989 I think.

      For all those theists dissing atheists and atheist discriminating godlovers, no wait, for all of you. Replace every Christian or Atheist with Nigger or Jew (for the german folks like me out there). I call it the discrimination test.

      E.g. Atheist should not considered as Amarican civillian.
      Niggers should not considered as Amarican civillian.
      Jews should not considered as Amarican civillian.

      You’ll find most religious speeches and texts(?) offensive that way. Maybe some from he atheists too, but i think like god delusion, they have the better outlined arguments.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      J.J. Ramsey said:

      Correction: Things like this get to be said because they are thought to be true, regardless of whether that is really the case.

      Ah! I finally agree with you. Yay!

      I’ve come to the conclusion that perception is reality to the person perceiving it. I also believe that people should not be afraid to be honest about what they “think to be true” so we can continue to weed out what is not. Hurtful things get said in anger. But the anger is real. Some things are offensive to the people hearing it, no doubt. But instead of being offended and defensive, we need to ask why they are saying the things they are saying. There’s always a reason. When we understand the reason, then we can begin to remedy the problem.

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      Linda wrote:

      instead of being offended and defensive, we need to ask why they are saying the things they are saying. There’s always a reason. When we understand the reason, then we can begin to remedy the problem.

      I completely agree with this – I wish all Christians would take this approach when something offends them. Asking people not to say offensive things doesn’t resolve what they are angry about.

      It’s only because this is the friendly atheist blog that I raised the issue of whether these are friendly aphorisms.

      I want Christians to hear that atheists are pissed off with them, to the extent they are. I want Christians to hear why. And to listen. And to the extent atheists are justifiably upset, to do something about it.

      However, I’d still like atheists to express their discontent without being mean, as far as possible.

      I think I’m right that Hemant is generally in favor of that too, even though he posted these aphorisms.

    • bipolar2

      God’s only excuse is that he does not exist. — Stendahl

    • AJ

      Helen,

      Lots of Christians seem to feel that way also. That’s why some of them will continue to tell you you’re going to hell until you’re way past sick of hearing it. But presumably you wouldn’t ‘whine’ if that happened. Since they’re only doing what you would do.

      I don’t understand why an atheist would be offended by someone saying they’ll be sent to hell (a place they don’t believe exists), by god (a being they don’t believe exists), after they die (when they don’t believe there’s an after life).

      You have a right to be offended, I can sometimes understand being offended, sometimes not. You don’t have a right to not be offended, and it’s not reasonable to expect other people to try not to offend you. No one can possibly please everyone in this regard, some people get offended about everything.

      Disagree with it, give reasons why it’s wrong, don’t whine about it being “offensive”, “hateful”, or “bashing” that’s not productive, and if that’s your definition of friendly then that’s someone I wouldn’t like to be. It’s not like we should withhold negative sentiments towards what other people think and do. If someone does, good for them, but don’t expect me to.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      AJ,

      Just for the record, I don’t find you offensive. I never did. Over my head, maybe. Brutally honest, maybe. Fed up, maybe. But not offensive. (for whatever it’s worth.) :)

    • http://www.conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

      I don’t think anyone has disagreed with me and said “The aphorisms are friendly!”

      A number of people have questioned whether it’s appropriate for atheists to be friendly (to Christians). I am assuming Hemant’s answer is ‘yes’ otherwise he wouldn’t call himself the Friendly Atheist.

      AJ I’m not trying to assert I have a right not to be offended. This isn’t about me. It’s about the people who choose against friendliness – I think they’re shooting themselves in the foot. I think it’s an unwise choice. But if they want to make it that’s up to them.

    • Flonkbob

      Helen: Lots of Christians seem to feel that way also. That’s why some of them will continue to tell you you’re going to hell until you’re way past sick of hearing it. But presumably you wouldn’t ‘whine’ if that happened. Since they’re only doing what you would do.

      No, I won’t whine about that. The fact that I’m what you could call a ‘Recovering Fundie’ means that I fully understand their motives at the best, and they can be laudable. A committed Xian will say such things because they believe it, and they want to spare others the horrors of hell. I don’t take offense at that.

      However, that does not make their fairy tales true. Who was it that said (misquote coming:) ‘One only need walk through the halls of the sanitarium to see that faith does not make a thing true’? Oh hell, now I’m going to have to look it up. ;)

      That said, I also recognize the huge load of dissonance brought on when one tries to square Faith and Reality. If there is a reasonably intelligent person trying to ‘save’ me, then I know that they are lying to me and to themselves, because one CAN NOT hold to biblical inerrancy and accept scientific truth at the same time without some level of self-deception. Willfull ignorance is just not attractive. And these are the people I don’t mind offending. Truth be told, I like to offend them. I like to anger, irritate, and annoy them at every turn. Any time I can get a committed Fundie to THINK I count it a victory.

    • http://www.ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

      Flonkbob said,

      Truth be told, I like to offend them. I like to anger, irritate, and annoy them at every turn. Any time I can get a committed Fundie to THINK I count it a victory.

      I think that’s a bit presumptuous. I would like to think that if a believer is thinking, they were thinkers to begin with. What you say may trigger another train of thought, but I doubt that you turn them into thinkers.

    • Name?

      Most of these aphorisms are arrogant and rude.

      I CAN”T STOP LAUGHING!!! Arrrrrgghhh…I’m not perfect…it’s still funny…
      Oh well. Maybe I’m insensitive to outrage over this list because I’ve never seen an aphorism that offended me in the least.

    • Ninya

      Jesus is coming; look busy!

    • http://www.bymyly.blogspot.com speedskill

      ” I love dog, except when spelled backwards”

    • jake3988

      He’s Dead.

      It’s Been 2,000 years.
      He’s Not Coming Back.
      Get OVER It Already!
      ———————————

      That is just too hilarious. I’d get a t-shirt of it but I know some christian would beat me up.

    • anniko

      “You can’t convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it’s based on a deep seated need to believe” Carl Sagan

    • Steve

      I thought of one the other day..

      How many prophets does does it take to make a profit?

    • Michael

      Please people… those of you that are going on and on and on about the “Friendliness Factor and Good List/Bad List” are exactly why religion is the farse it is!
      You take something meant to be fun and enjoyable (like this great list) and make it all about the “what’s right and what’s wrong, who’d right and who’s wrong”.
      If you have to preach… go join a church whether you “BELIEVE” or not. It’s the same mentality.

      Signed,
      Another TRYING to be friendly athiest

    • http://? Frankie

      Hahahah I can’t choose which quote to put in my Personal Message on MSN XD

    • Jason

      I don’t understand the vile hatred of anti-believers toward believers. If you don’t believe in a higher power, then you don’t believe in anything. “Preaching” against peoples beliefs puts you in an area of anti-believers.

      Anti-believers are different from non-believers in that they need to profess their hatred for something. Non-believers just live their lives, and are happy to let others live theirs.

      Things aren’t like they were in the Dark Ages when non-believers were persecuted for their beliefs. If anything, the tides have turned. Why can’t we rise above this and live peacefully together??

      • http://www.poetrypoem.com/musicman Tnmusicman

        You would think we could but apparently not. Oddly enough, the most creative insults out there are the product of the “anti-believer” that espouses being good because they WANT to be ( not because of a god) yet there is nothing representative here of a good person, only one with no respect for other human brings. Fundamentalists that threaten hell are just as bad. I can seperate the good positive atheists from the ones making up this kind of crap and say “those folks are at least respectful of other humans”. Since I condem the fundies I don’t expect I’ll see any comments from the authors of these magnificent creations yelling “you preach that we’re going to hell” because I don’t. It’s a shame that the minds that came up with this drivel couldn’t think of a way to help their fellow man instead of step on him.

    • BalRog

      Here is my favorite:

      Evangelical Agnostic:
      God? I don’t know and neither do you.
      God? I don’t care and neither should you.

    • http://hojasparalasupresiondelarealidad.blogspot.com El Oscuro

      Believers made God in their image: violent and irrational.

    • DoctorLes

      OK, how about these:

      1. I CAN NO LONGER AFFORD YOUR RELIGION.

      2. THE CLERGY BUILD CASTLES IN THE SKY; THE RELIGIOUS LIVE IN THEM AND THE REST OF US HAVE TO PAY THEIR RENT.

      3. AS AN ATHEIST, I CONDEMN YOUR RELIGION, NOT YOU; NOW, DO YOU CONDEMN ME?

      4. AS AN ATHEIST, I AM MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN YOUR GOD.

      5. RELAX, WE DID NOT SUFFER BEFORE OUR BIRTHS, AND WE CAN’T SUFFER WHEN WE ARE GONE.

      6. “GOD IS A COMEDIAN PLAYING TO AN AUDIENCE TO AFRAID TO LAUGH”
      (I CAN’T RECALL THE AUTHOR)

      7. I WOULDN’T SEND GOD TO HELL IF I COULD–BUT I WOULD COMMIT HIM.

      8. IF EVIL EXISTED THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT; BUT IF SUFFERING IS ONLY CAUSED BY IGNORANCE THEN THERE IS TRUE HOPE.

      9. WE THINK, THEREFORE THERE IS HOPE

      10. GOOD DOES NOT REQUIRE RELIGION BUT IT IS THREATENED BY IT.

      11. ALL RELIGIOUS EXTREMISM BEGINS AS RELIGIOUS MODERATION.

      12. MOST RELIGIONS PREACH TOLERANCE UNTIL ONE OF THEM GETS THE UPPER HAND.

      13. A FOOL IS GUIDED BY RELIGION, WHILE THE WISE QUESTION IT, AND POLITICIANS ABUSE IT.

    • DoctorLes

      OK, how about these:

      1. I CAN NO LONGER AFFORD YOUR RELIGION.

      2. THE CLERGY BUILD CASTLES IN THE SKY; THE RELIGIOUS LIVE IN THEM AND THE REST OF US HAVE TO PAY THEIR RENT.

      3. AS AN ATHEIST, I CONDEMN YOUR RELIGION, NOT YOU; NOW, DO YOU CONDEMN ME?

      4. AS AN ATHEIST, I AM MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN YOUR GOD.

      5. RELAX, WE DID NOT SUFFER BEFORE OUR BIRTHS, AND WE CAN’T SUFFER WHEN WE ARE GONE.

      6. “GOD IS A COMEDIAN PLAYING TO AN AUDIENCE TO AFRAID TO LAUGH”
      (I CAN’T RECALL THE AUTHOR)

      7. I WOULDN’T SEND GOD TO HELL IF I COULD–BUT I WOULD COMMIT HIM.

      8. IF EVIL EXISTED THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT; BUT IF SUFFERING IS ONLY CAUSED BY IGNORANCE THEN THERE IS TRUE HOPE.

      9. WE THINK, THEREFORE THERE IS HOPE

      10. GOOD DOES NOT REQUIRE RELIGION BUT IT IS THREATENED BY IT.

      11. ALL RELIGIOUS EXTREMISM BEGINS AS RELIGIOUS MODERATION.

      12. MOST RELIGIONS PREACH TOLERANCE UNTIL ONE OF THEM GETS THE UPPER HAND.

      13. A FOOL IS GUIDED BY RELIGION, WHILE THE WISE QUESTION IT, AND POLITICIANS ABUSE IT.

    • Daniel

      “believers” do nothing BUT preach to us about how wrong atheists are and how damned we’ll all be in a century, so please stop griping about the few times we bash you, whether we are right or wrong. Oh and when you can scientifically prove that god exists and is watching all humans at the same time and will eternally damn everyone who doesn’t believe in him, then we will stop making fun of your beliefs.

      p.s. I will probably never be back on this site, so don’t bother mouthing me off on here, I live at 147 Crampton Drive so feel free to come take the matter up with me in person.
      p.s.s. I don’t mean to be violent or rude, so i’m sorry if i come off that way.

    • Gordon

      Richard Wade

      I love humor and satire and I attempt to bring it to this site more than anyone else. But I’d never say anything like this. This is just a cheap imitation of clever humor, fifty ways to say “fuck you.”

      Hey, Richard Wade…

      heres one way to say “fuck you”….. FUCK you. this list was hilarious and you’re just pissed that it makes sense and your religion does not

    • brospeed

      Gold!! GOLD!!! Abolute GOLD!! Never heard of any of these and I know a lot of people who really need to see this!! Nicely done!

    • Wednesday

      So, I admit to giving up on trying to read all of the comments about halfway through. I was a little sick of the “did you mean this?” “no, I meant this” back and forth. I was unaware that anyone in the blogosphere was required to censor their potentially inflammatory posts. If that’s the case, then I certainly am going to be in trouble for some of the things I’ve written. What some of you fail to grasp is that this is Hemant’s post and he has no obligation to censor himself because he might offend someone. If you were offended, why didn’t you stop reading? There were 50 of the damn things, you could have stopped anywhere in there. And who do you think you are complaining about it? You read it, you commented on it. If you don’t like it, ignore it. And don’t be a hypocrite. If you are a Christian and you’re offended by these, perhaps you should rethink some of the things members of your subset of society have out there to represent you.

      All of that having been said – I thoroughly enjoyed quite a few of these (37, 46, 47).

    • Angel Senderis

      I notice an excessively high proportion of negative references to the beliefs of Christians and in particular of Catholics, and to the Roman Church and the Bible as the epitome of all that is bad in religions. This, in my view, is a bit unfair. We should perhaps use comparable emphasis in criticizing other religions as well, some of which have also had and still conduct their own forms of Inquisition. I find very few references to Islam, for example, especially in view of the new wave of fundamentalists that are now slowly but surely coming to power and further enslaving the people in some of the most important Arab nations. To put it in a nutshell, the idea should be very clear that all religions, not one in particular, are or have been more or less the same crap in different periods of world history.

    • dinos

      You forgot the best of all:
      I found Jesus (with someone else)

    • http://dgently.blogspot.com dirk gently

      wow – a lot of thin skin out there. i urge anyone who was insulted not to read any of the posts on my blog labeled “religion.” they’ll just piss you off.

      I find very few references to Islam, for example, especially in view of the new wave of fundamentalists that are now slowly but surely coming to power and further enslaving the people in some of the most important Arab nations.

      probably because this is not an Arab nation, and our fundamentalists are not Muslim. which reminds me, you might not want to read my posts labeled “huckleberry,” either.

      i must say, i enjoyed the list – except for the WWJD one. that seemed unnecessarily mean. i don’t blame the rabbi for what his self-proclaimed followers do. and i give him credit for the good ideas that some of his flock actually put into practice.

      oh, and what Wednesday said, January 29, 2008 at 1:34 pm.

    • Binah

      If Jesus is inside me, I hope he likes fajitas ’cause that’s what he’s getting!

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    • http://www.myspace.com/laceduplipsx Ashley

      #1 ftw lololol

    • kate

      This Is A Good List But Why Is Every Word Capitalized?

    • liberty

      This is way better (and more intelligent):
      http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

    • http://howgoodisthis.wordpress.com Jim

      I think the only thing missing is the Pulitzer prize for literature.

    • tom tristan

      It is nothing more than a list of jokes, some of them funnier than others and some of them inevitably stereotypical. It is nothing to take offense about, something to laugh at if you find it funny, or something to ignore if you don’t.

      I can’t wait till us atheists invent a machine to take us to a different planet, leaving the religious to argue among themselves and hopefully avoid blowing themselves up.

      • http://www.poetrypoem.com/musicman Tnmusicman

        I would say “we’re looking forward to that too” but it escapes me why you feel an atheist presence keeps the religious from “blowing themselves up”

    • Shambler

      I got another one:

      “I can show you science. Can you show me God?”

    • Michael Draga

      I sent these to a Presbyterian minister friend of mine, who I am trying to convert to Atheism……….. I am winning!

    • Flunky Claus

      The list was fantastic and the responses were great too.

      Richard Wade is a cry baby. You need to learn to take a few knocks if you’re going to stand up for something and not jump to calling it ‘hate’. Not everyone here believes in your political views or supports the same football team as you do. If they chose to make fun of those beliefs, would you again jump to calling them “hate-filled”?

      Richard Dawkins has it right on. Religion should not be exempt from ridicule or criticism. If you believe so strongly, let it roll off your back and walk away.

      I hope the tide keeps turning…

    • Joyce

      How can there be so much anger in these replies? These feelings don’t just appear from nowhere; there are many Christians filled with hatred, just as people in any religion can have hatred. People aren’t saying these things for no reason. There is so much ignorance and intolerance in this world, and it’s not limited; people say some really hurtful things. It’s a vicious cycle if nothing else. And how do people deal with hatred or anger? Comedy.

      Nobody here can deny it’s on all sides. It’s not going to just end, so why not make the best of it and simply laugh? Since when was humor a bad thing?

    • Joe

      I take myself as being a universalist and i believe, religious or not, the moral of it all is to be an honest and upstandng individual, not just to believe that someone or something is there. Sometimes people, no matter what religion, should look past the idea of if there is a god and at the real question in hand that religion, which i kno for a fact ahiests follow without the religious teachings, is about doing the right thing and ACCEPTING PEOPLE, dont hate someone for being a certain religion, just look at them as an individual and what they stand for, not what they religiously believe.

    • crankynick

      My favourite:

      Blasphemy is a victimless crime.

    • akulshae

      Personally, I like the idea of adding the comment “I’m a godless heretic/heathen; Your threats of hell and damnation have no affect on me.”

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    • http://yogaforcynics.blogspot.com YogaforCynics

      Love 2, 6, 12, 22, 41, 45. Not so much some of the others but, then, I’m more a non-theist/agnostic than an atheist.

      The anger your getting doesn’t surprise me. I just love how people who condemn anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs to eternal torture start crying “intolerance” when those people don’t like it….

    • http://www.freethoughtflorida.com Ken

      Here’s two that I believe are my originals
      “An enlightened christian is both an oxy-moron and a regular moron”

      “motorcycle helmets should be made from the skulls of fundamentalist christians…is anything denser?”

    • youngatheist

      For some strange reason people are replying with anger to a reasonably humorous page. so what if it against Christians or puts them down. This happens all the time i mean seriously do you just not laugh at racist or sexist or any other kind of biased joke. Because that’s exactly the point these are JOKES meant to entertain and not start “Holy War 112″ If you don’t have a sense of humor and cant appreciate these quotes then just get off the page and quit bitching.

    • Eric TF Bat

      I quite like one I heard recently:

      God is Santa Claus for grown-ups.

    • HARVARD

      Dear Joe:

      You said, “religion … is about doing the right thing and ACCEPTING PEOPLE.”
      .
      Sorry Joe, that makes no sense. A religion is an organized group with members who agree to abide by the rules, dogma, of that group. If you are not a member of their group, you – by definition – are NOT accepted. Face it, Joe — Religions are divisive forces in society that pit “us” against “them.” “We” are saved and “they” will go to hell. Since all religions are based on superstition, they can not be taken seriously.

    • Skepticus

      This is a mostly funny list. Some people posting here need to lighten up.
      “Cheeses is Lard” I love it!

    • Ali Obnoxious

      Don’t pull your chain while you’re sitting on the throne!

    • sdfgsdf

      ‘It has served us well, this myth of Christ’
      Pope Leo X, 14th century,

    • Roxane

      I’m very friendly IRL. My favorite way to deal with Christians is to be utterly kind and charming, and when we get to be friends, come out of the atheist closet, in the hopes that they will be a little uncomfortable with the idea that their religion condemns me to an eternity writhing in hell. Most of the time they hold me at arm’s length after I “come out.” The smiles are a little too fixed and too forced.

      My point is that friendliness is a goal and a constant struggle on both sides. And if we have to avert our gaze from anything “unfriendly,” we can’t read Hitchens or Dawkins or just about any other atheist writer.

      I may do my level best to be friendly in real life, but it’s a strain. Being able to giggle in the privacy of my own study helps.

    • mandrake

      1. Axial Tilt is the Reason For the Season.

      2.”Righteous Indignation is Jealousy With a Halo.” (H.G. Wells)


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