What Would You Ask God?

You get up to two questions.

Renacier, who started the thread in the forums, put it this way:

So it’s a cliche question. Sue me. If you died and found yourself face to…presence with God, what one question would you ask him? (Although since God is omnibenevolent, he surely wouldn’t begrudge you another one, would he?)
Two, then. Two questions I would ask if I came face to whatever with God.

Question one: What!?

Question two: Are you freakin’ kidding me?

How about you?

Of course, your questions could be more serious :) Or not.


[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

  • cipher

    One: Why do you permit/cause suffering?

    Two: Why is it that those who are the most vocal in the case for your existence also seem to be the least intelligent? Do you realize that it detracts from your credibility?

    Three (if permitted): And why is it that they have such appalling taste? Is your preferred art form really the velvet Elvis?

  • http://www.acosmopolitan.blogspot.com Anatoly

    “Have you ever considered shaving?”

  • http://del.icio.us/jcchurch James

    1. Why give us reasoning abilities and then use all sorts of foolishness to represent yourself? (1st. Corinthians 1:18-21)

    (In less seriousness)
    2. Can you divide by zero?

  • http://inthenuts.blogspot.com King Aardvark

    1. Talking snake? Really?

    2. Was Mary any good?

  • Leslie

    1. Why do you hate Africans so much?
    2. Can you see this? Because I’m doing it as hard as I can.

  • Lainey

    1. Who really killed JFK?
    2. You obviously have a sense of humor when it comes to sex, just how often do you watch us have it?

  • http://heathendad.blogspot.com/ HappyNat

    1. Can you microwave a burrito so hot you can’t eat it?

    2. Prove it.

  • http://intrinsicallyknotted.wordpress.com Susan B.

    I still like my question from the forum:

    1. Does P=NP?

    2. Either way, will you give me a proof so I can win a million dollars?

    (Nothing like using God to answer unsolved math problems…)

  • http://hoverFrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    1. Which religion best represented you and\or your pantheon in the entire history of humanity?

    2. Which religion got it most wrong?

  • http://morgen.blogage.de io

    In my opinion the question almost doesn’t matter as long as you don’t ask him to describe something (e.g. “How is the weather”, “How do you feel at the moment”).
    Even if you ask “Why don’t I like big corporations” the answer by a god, if it is willing to answer the question completely, would also give answers to all possible other questions of this kind (cp. infinite regress).

  • Siamang

    1: Why so shy?
    2: Why so angry?

  • Lysander

    1. Two questions, huh?
    2. May I think about them for awhile?

    :)

  • http://hoverFrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    I want a third question for the mythological creator. Nay, I demand one.

    3. How do you pronounce ‘tomato’?

    Think about it. It’d solve the whole issue of whether God is English or American. There is a Church of England so I maintain that God (in all his mythological glory) is an Englishman. He certainly has the sense of humour for one.

    Further “evidence” (and not just my incoherent ramblings) include the fact that Jesus was known to wear sandals. It’s true that he didn’t wear them with socks as we do in this modern era but I hardly think the nationality of the almighty should boil down to the date for the invention of nylon. Do you?

    We also have Jesus’ well know love of alcohol which we Brits are now famous for and, if you look carefully at the painting of the last supper, you’ll see that he also enjoyed bangers and mash.

    Need I say more?

  • Josha

    1. Do all dogs go to heaven?

    2. Is there a purpose to life or were you just bored one day?

  • http://arkonbey.blogspot.com Arkonbey

    I’ll assume you mean Yaweh so I don’t have to ask “which one are you?”

    It’s only one question:
    “Where the f**k were you all this time while all that killing and dying and suffering and injustice and persecution and natural/unnatural disasters and other crap was going on?”

    Okay, maybe a follow up:

    “Well, what have you got to say for yourself?”

  • Old Beezle

    1) Are you happy?
    2) What’s your favorite South Park character?

  • http://inthenuts.blogspot.com King Aardvark

    Old Beezle, I would imagine that his favourite character is himself.

  • Stephanie

    What is up with your followers?

    and

    What exactly is the question about LU&E that is answered by 42?

  • Pingback: Welche Frage sollte man einem Gott stellen « Planet Eris

  • the Shaggy

    1. You didn’t REALLY expect me to buy the arguments supporting both blind faith (I don’t NEED proof to believe in a god) and willful ignorance (why should we argue it? What does it serve to have rational discussions on it?) that you got your followers to accept and tell me was more important than figuring it out collectively, did you?

    2. Seriously?

    (Alternate #2: the song goes “In heaven, there is no beer/that’s why we drink it here/and when we’re gone from here/all our friends will be drinking all the beer.” I hope that wasn’t inspired by you, but if it was, can I go back to Earth?)

  • http://blog.myspace.com/johnpritzlaff John Pritzlaff

    1. Why didn’t you leave more evidence to demonstrate your existence? Why do you consider leaps of faith to be good? Do you support science? Do you favor a blind sheep over me because I looked at things rationally? Or do you favor my way of doing it?
    2. What is your opinion on Chuck Norris?

  • http://backstab.net Sam

    Which god are you?

  • Cade

    1. What is my second question going to be?
    2. Something other than what he answered for number one.

    _|_|_
    .0/
    ”’^”’
    Yay for random monkeys

  • Miko

    (Nothing like using God to answer unsolved math problems…)

    I’ll do you one better:

    God: Let p_n denote the nth positive prime integer and given a question written in English, let a_n denote the nth letter of the question as translated by a=1,…,z=26. Then define q=product of p_n to the a_n power to be the Question Number of the question. Let alpha be the irrational number between 0 and 1 whose nth decimal digit in base 3 expansion is equal to 0 if n is either not the Question Number for any question or if the question does not have a yes/no answer, 1 if n is the Question Number of a question with answer “yes,” and 2 similarly for “no.” Please provide the source to a computer program in a current programming language which will compute the nth digit of the number alpha.

    Thus (with a bit of creativity in making the program to answer more complicated questions 1/26th of a letter at a time) using God to answer *all* unsolved problems in just one question. ;-)

    What exactly is the question about LU&E that is answered by 42?

    I’ve always figured that if their is some sort of creator, it’s most likely the case that the world is just a computer simulation being run to answer some question for it in a semi-HHGG-ish fashion…

    ———
    And for some serious questions:

    1. Do you really care if people believe in you?
    2. (If yes to #1) Why?

  • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

    1. Something about suffering or the meaning of it all.

    2. Which version of Star Trek do you prefer? (You can tell that God is a Trekkie by his fanatical adherence to the non-interference directive.)

  • Mriana

    I know I said it on the other board, but I’ll repost it here too:

    Two questions? I don’t know. I figure since it knows all my thoughts already, I don’t have to voice them. Ok, if said deity doesn’t know my questions, then 1. Which god are you? 2. would be based off that one.

    IF it’s Allah, then I’d asked, “Can I go got hell now?”

    IF it’s Brahma, the creator, then I’d asked, “OK, so when do I get to do it all over again?”

    IF it’s Jealous, I’d asked, “Can I go to hell now?”

    IF it’s YHWH, “Can I go to hell now?”

    IF it’s Buddha, “Have I just been enlightened or do I have to do it all over again?”

    IF it’s Love, “Ah, Nirvana! Heaven! OK, so when does the make love not war party begin?”

    IF it’s that Hindu Monkey dude who moved a mountain and brought it to Mohammad… Oh wait, no he couldn’t find the right plant so he just picked up the mountain and brought it to the other guy. I’d asked, “DUDE! You’re cool! Can you move a mountain and drop it on Mohammad?”

    IF it’s Vishnu, “So, um… You’re the great destroyer? Ok that’s good. So, when do I meet the creator, Brahma? Oh wait. That’s three.”

    IF it’s Amen-Ra, “OH SUN! BEAUTIFUL SUN! AMEN! AMMON! Will I be warm now and never experience cold again?”

    IF it’s Bast, “You’re one COOL cat! I had three of my own and just adored them! May I pet you?”

    IF it’s Jesus, “JESUS CHRIST! Why didn’t you make like a tree and leave, instead of allowing yourself a barbaric death?”

    IF it’s Hercules, “So where is Adonis? He’s so much cuter.”

    IF it’s Adonis, “Why are you so handsome?”

    IF it’s Athena, “Where’s Zeus?”

    You get the idea. Anymore I’ll have to start looking at the list of “Gods We Don’t Believe In” and besides, it’s starting to lose the humour.

  • Richard Wade

    1. What the hell was the matter with you when you “designed,” (a very generous term) humans’ lowest three lumbar vertebrae, were you hung over or something??

    2. How do they make chocolate covered malted milk balls round and smooth without a little flat spot on one side?

  • Stephanie

    2. How do they make chocolate covered malted milk balls round and smooth without a little flat spot on one side?

    They pan them. Oh, crap! I’m God! Well now, isn’t that just Murphy’s Law…

  • http://www.wondermachine.org wondermachine

    What’s up with Cheez Whiz?
    Seriously?

    Oh, and Dick Cheney and Karl Rove? Aside from providing a set piece for conversations about theodicy…. why?

  • Richard Wade

    Thanks Stephanie, that’s one less question of deep mystery I’ll have to ask God, although I still don’t know what “they pan them” means. I was afraid maybe Chinese laborers working in slave-like conditions had to polish off the flat spot on each individual malted milk ball. If panning means that is not the case then I can eat them with a clear conscience. Not that I haven’t been eating them all along.

  • Nick

    Are you really god?
    Really?

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    1. Creation was nice, but what have you done recently?

    2. Is there extra-terrestrial life?

    and if a third question is allowed and if the answer to #2 is yes,

    3. What is the nearest incident to Earth of extraterrestrial life?

  • Frank

    1) If you are God, then who am I?

    2) Can I ask the first question again? =3 I really don’t care your answer, I will make the question again >>

  • http://atheistokie.wordpress.com/ Atheist Okie

    1. Do you have any lip balm?

    2. Are you ready to kiss my ass?

  • Jenny Z

    Mine would just be a simple demand: Explain yourself

  • pip

    1. How’s the little experiment in free will going? In other words, are you happy with the level of senseless pain, suffering and grief on earth?

    2. Where did you come from?

  • anon

    1. Why? (while pointing at everything).

    2. Repeat question over and over again.

  • http://resurrectiondebate.blogspot.com/ Steven Carr

    Actually,I’m sure that God would ask me questions.

    Such as ‘Why didn’t you believe those stories of angels appearing to people in dreams? Why did you take it into your head that what happens in a dream is not real?’

    What answer could I possibly give to God? I would be left looking pretty foolish.

  • ash

    1) even humans know you’re supposed to think first, act second. wtf were you thinking? seriously?

    2) why does that look suspiciously like a lightning bolt you’re preparing to hurl at me?

  • http://atheists.meetup.com/531 Ben

    I wouldn’t start with questions. I would start with ‘Hello’ and go from there.

  • valhar2000

    1) Pat Robertson was right?

    2) Are you fucking kidding me?

  • http://lifebeforedeath.blogsome.com Felicia Gilljam

    I really only have one question that I’m burning to ask a YEC-type god: Why have you gone to such great lengths to make it look like the universe is billions of years old and life evolved?

  • http://bostonbeerman.com Jim Olson

    1. Why do children get cancer?
    2. Are you an asshole?

  • dzho

    1. Mosquitoes? What the HELL were you thinking?

    2. Now what?

  • Richard Wade

    1. Why are you torturing my mother until she hopes to die?
    2. Would you please give yourself a really bad case of shingles for say about a year and then shoot yourself in the head? Thanks.

  • Jason

    1. Do you really know what I am going to do, even before I do it?
    (answers: “Yes, of course.”)
    2. What if I do something different?