You better be there:
Dude, that Jesus guy is such a whiner. He’s always complaining that he gets picked last for kickball, and I’m all like “dude you stink at kickball” and he’s all like “nuh uh” and I’m all “yeah huh” and then he’s like “my dad could beat up your dad” and I go “pfyah, as IF, king dorkus!” and then he starts crying and tells on me to the playground supervisor and i get detention! What a total spazzoid!
Whatever, I’ll just give him a wedgie at recess tomorrow.
*cracks knuckles* Listen up, granny. The Almighty himself wants you at this bingo game, and what the Almighty wants, the Almighty gets. So here’s the deal – you get in that church and you play some bingo, and we don’t have to break your hip.
Don’t you just love church marquees?! One of my personal favorites: “Sign broke. Message inside.”