Comments on: Complete the Atheist Joke #1

By: Thereisnogod

Thereisnogod — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 06:12:00 +0000

That’s 10 wasted minutes of my one life I’ll never get back. Not one laugh on the whole page!

By: Bestcoqui

Bestcoqui — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 21:37:00 +0000

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. “Did God create everything that
exists?”
A student bravely replied, “Yes he did!” “God created everything?” The professor asked. “Yes sir, he certainly did,” the student replied. The professor answered, “If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil.” The student became quiet and did not answer the professor’s hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand and said, “May I ask you a question, professor?” “Of course”, replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?” “What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The other students snickered at the young man’s question. The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.” The student continued, “Professor, does darkness exist?” The professor responded, “Of course it does.” The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.” Finally the young man asked the professor, “Sir, does evil exist?” Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man’s Inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil. To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light.” The professor sat down.

By: Ruben Perez

Ruben Perez — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:18:03 +0000

An atheist walks into a bar and asks Tony, the bartender, for a beer. As tony hands him the glass the atheists says “Thanks, add it to my tab”, to which the bartender says “No problem!”. A priest sees the scene, walks up to the bartender and asks for a beer too. As Tony hands him the glass the priest says “Thanks, add it to my tab, please”. Tony replies “Sorry father, but you have to pay now”. The priest, visibly upset, reminds Tony, a member of his congregation, of his status, and adds “are saying you trust this man, a person with a known lack of faith, more than you trust me?”. Tony answers “I know one thing, atheist pay their dues in this life, while believers leave it all for the next. It will be $5, NOW, please”

By: bert

bert — Mon, 19 May 2008 08:44:43 +0000

an atheist walks into a bar to avoid all the street corner preachers, and the religious people handing out flyer’s. So he said wazzup had a bud, chilled and watched the game.

By: Crimzen

Crimzen — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:31:53 +0000

you guys are terrible comedians, stick to science and teaching

By: heathcliffe

heathcliffe — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 19:27:31 +0000

An atheist walks in to a bar and orders a whisky
“straight” asks the bartender.
“No” says the atheist “I don’t believe in wholly spirits”

By: Lucy

Lucy — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:08:04 +0000

stogoe:

An atheist walks into a bar and finds a priest, a rabbi, and an imam in boisterious discussion at a table in the back.
“What is this, a joke?” he thinks to himself.

If that joke ended right there, it would’ve been the funniest joke here.

By: Padawan60

Padawan60 — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:47:08 +0000

An atheist walked into a bar…

…and said “I’ll have a Salvation Special.”

The bartender looked at him curiously. “Never heard of that one…what’s in it?”

The atheist pointed to a dozen different bottles. “One shot of each of those…and a twist of lime.”

“Uh, are you sure?” the bartender asked. “Sounds like the recipe for a major hangover.”

The atheist shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll feel like death for three days but after that I’ll be fine.”

By: C.E. Moore

C.E. Moore — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:38:05 +0000

An atheist walked into a bar…

…because a beer is always good after having eaten babies.

By: ash

ash — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 23:59:58 +0000

An atheist walked into a bar…

…the barman, privy to all the above comments, says ‘bloody hell, is this a convention?’