Which Will He Choose…?

I think Bahá’í will be the dark horse:

Rock-Bottom Loser Entertaining Offers From Several Religions

The Onion

Rock-Bottom Loser Entertaining Offers From Several Religions

FINDLAY, OH—After declaring his intention to drink himself into oblivion two months ago, Owen Pritchard has nearly every popular religion vying for his devotion.

An excerpt:

Christianity emerged as an early favorite to land [Owen] Pritchard Tuesday, after confirming that it had offered him an eternity-length contract with a signing bonus of everlasting bliss.

Pritchard, however, said he was in no rush to accept just any offer, as he expects to remain at the end of his rope for a long time.

“Obviously, I bring a lot to the table,” Pritchard said. “I’m a broken shell of a man with nowhere else to turn and I will believe just about anything at this point, so if a religion really wants me, they’re going to have to sweeten the pot. For instance, Hinduism is promising me rebirth as a king and the unlocking of all the secrets of the universe. But at this stage, that’s not enough. How about throwing in some final redemption, or a car, or complete and total spiritual transcendence?”

(Thanks to Aaron for the link!)



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  • Ben

    Eternal life + stripper factory + beer volcano > eternal life. FSM wins!