2. No more making fun of the Popemobile. It’s not a lack of faith. We finally admit it – God just can’t stop bullets.

3. No creating false religions and claiming you speak for God.

4. Having lustful thoughts about Richard Dawkins. “He’s so cute when he’s pissed off!”

5. Less exercising and more exorcising demons from gullible and mentally ill people.

I’m sure I can think of more, but that’s all for now.

o Skipping the Vatican tour when in Rome (just because the Romans don’t give a damn doesn’t mean you shouldn’t)

o Using vain euphemisms for blasphemy such as Cheese n’ Rice, Got-Down-Sat-on-a-Bench, or (the Pope’s personal favorite) Jeezy Creezy.

o Easter egg hunts (too many behind-the-bushes temptations for priests)

o Diet sacramental wafers (because the body of Christ is certainly not lite)

o Loud laughter (if it’s good enough for the Mormons…)

o Jump Rope Rhymes (Cinderella shouldn’t be teaching young girls to kiss a fella’)

o Google Abuse (thou shalt not google more than 3 times per day)

o Rock music (we should make it officially of-the-Devil)

o Belonging to a quasi-political organization with billion$ in assets whose only real beef with contraception is that it keeps membership numbers down (having run out of real sins, the Catholic Church self-implodes)

The depth and breadth of human communication is vast, and is a testament to the infinite glory and wisdom of Our Father. A multitude of tongues was our punishment for hubris, and simple, derivative and easy-to-understand symbols that underscore emotion, feeling and understanding goes against the teachings of Christ.

For years, we resisted the translation of His Holy Word into the vernacular, and our brothers in sisters in Protestantism now often claim that the King James version of the Bible is God’s inerrant word. Even now, the congrgants listen to our priests read the Gospels, and do not read along. Dense, unreadable, and nearly incomprehensible is just how we like the Holy Book, and all communication, for that matter. Understanding breeds tolerance, and tolerance is not part of God’s Plan.

The emoticon is another symptom of the degradation and increasing secularism of society. It is beneath God, and it is beneath his faithful.

Invoking the Spanish Inquisition.

Reading “I Sold My Sole On eBay”
…
So the Pope is against the buying and selling of secondhand footwear?

Something looks fishy here

- “Bioethical” violations such as pedophilia

- “Morally dubious” experiments with clerical transfer

- Authority abuse

- Clerical celibacy