Complete the Atheist Joke #5

March 25, 2008 By Guest Contributor 33 Comments

Got a punchline…?

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Stick to the topic of (non-)religion!


[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

Filed Under: General, Humor 33 Comments
  • http://otherwhirled.com commander other

    Aunty.

    Aunty who?

    Why, Aunty Theocracy, of course!

    (commander other is dumpster-diving for the easy ones tonight, sorry)

  • Richard Wade

    Atheist knock-knock joke:
    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?

    .

    .

    .

  • Sam

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Police.
    Police who?
    Police don’t waste your life running a hate site.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    A theist.

    A theist who?

    A theist who believeth the punishment for original sin is eternal damnation will believeth in anything.

  • http://atheistblogger.com Adrian Hayter

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    God

    …

    Sorry, my mother doesn’t like me talking to imaginary friends.

  • Ryan

    – Knock Knock

    - Whose There?

    – … … …

    - God Who?

  • http://unorthodoxatheism.blogspot.com Reed Braden

    God: Knock knock.
    Atheist: Who’s there?
    God: No one.
    Atheist: Thought so… Do you want some cocoa?
    God: No thanks. Sorry to have wasted your time.
    Atheist: It’s quite all right.

  • Kyle

    Knock Know

    Who’s there?

    Pat Robertson

    Ewwww!

    (Seriously, he creeps me out)

  • the Shaggy

    The Christian Neighbour:
    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    …..
    OMG IT WAS GOD!

    Atheist neighbour:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    OMG DID YOU SEE IT WAS GOD HE JUST KNOCKED ON MY DOOR.
    No man, that was me. I was just having fun.
    OMG NO IT WAS GOD YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT WAS GOD!

  • TheDeadEye

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    God.
    God?
    Yes.
    Can I see some ID?

  • Adam

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Nobody.

    Why?

    Because you were [cue dramatic singing] KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOO-OOOR!!!

  • Mriana

    Kyle said,

    March 25, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    Knock Know

    Who’s there?

    Pat Robertson

    Ewwww!

    (Seriously, he creeps me out)

    Pat Robertson? :shock: RUN!

  • Mriana

    Agnostic one:

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Dunno know.

    Dunno know who?

    Dunno know and you don’t either.

  • Jen

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Jesus

    Hitchens, put down that bottle.

  • http://bugsoup.blogspot.com bugsoup

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    God.

    Prove it.

  • P.S.

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    The holy spirit.

    Well, if you’re the holy spirit, how on earth can you knock?

    Excuse me?

    Isn’t “spirit” a completely different form of being than the physical?

    Um…yes.

    And as such, aren’t spirit and matter unable to interact?

    Sure.

    So how are you able to knock? Or speak? For that matter, if you were the holy spirit, why even bother with the door? Why not just appear in a vision or some other form of hallucination as you’re wont to do?

    Um…

    This is a bit of a cock-up, isn’t it? Go on, get out of here, you bastard!

  • http://mcshaggy.blogspot.com Brett

    Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    Jesus.

    Jesus who?

    Jesus Christ, would you get this fucking rock out of the way? It’s getting hard to breathe in here!

    In honour of Easter.

  • http://www.atheistspot.com/ Lenny

    Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    PZ Meyers.

    Stop right now and get out of here!

  • http://www.merryatheist.net/blog MerryAtheist

    Knock. Knock.

    Who’s there?

    The pizza.

    The pizza who?

    The pizza your life you wasted believing stupid religious crap.

  • http://brownjs.wordpress.com/ J.S.Brown

    Knock! Knock!
    …Who’s there?
    The Jehovah’s Witnesses calling.
    …Honey! Where did I put my pistol?
    Sorry to bother you! Wrong house!

  • http://www.meritboundalley.net Joe M

    Knock, Knock.

    Who’s there?

    The mailman. I have a package for you. Who the hell were you expecting?

  • http://youtube.com/joelschooling Joel Schooling

    Knock, Knock.
    …Who’s there?
    An invisible teacup, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, a self-assembled 747, a pair of dice, a blind watchmaker, and Mt. Improbable.
    …Rational arguments who?
    Rational arguments who fail to impress despite of solid logic.

  • Isaah Vincent

    [630am at the Romney Household]

    KNOCK KNOCK

    ugh…where are my glasses…ah there they are….Who’s There?

    KNOCK KNOCK

    hello? Who’s there?

    KNOCK KNOCK

    Whos there!?! what is going on! WHO’S THERE

    Howja

    Howja who?

    Howja like being dragged out of bed for this stupid shit.

  • Alycia

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Have you heard the good news?

    *gasp!* Did Obama win the nomination?

    Erm, no…

    Did the MidOhio Food Bank get a huge monetary donation to solve their supply crisis?

    Uh…

    Okay…Did they renew “How I Met Your Mother” for another season, maybe?

    No.

    That’s all I got, man. What the hell is it?

    That you can have eternal salvation by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior or you will burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.

    Lemme guess…you watch Fox News?

  • Ingersoll’s Revenge

    Jen said,

    March 25, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Jesus

    Hitchens, put down that bottle.

    LMAO!!!

  • http://randomneuronsfiring.blogspot.com Bill Snedden

    Knock! Knock!

    Who’s there?

    We’re from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day…

    SLAM!

  • http://www-users.cs.umn.edu/~halfak Aaron

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    My name is elder Edgar and this is elder Pierson

    Elder? You guys are younger than me. Oh, wait. You two are Mormons!

    Yes we are.

    Well, you better get off of my steps before I give you a magical wedgie.

  • http://daybydayhsing.blogspot.com Dawn

    Amateurs.

    The joke is of course:

    Knock knock!

    ….

  • http://www.meritboundalley.net Joe M

    Amateurs.

    The joke is of course:

    Knock knock!

    ….

    lol

  • http://www.runicfire.net ansuzmannaz

    *Knock knock!*

    “Who’s there?”

    The Lord

    “Lord who?”

    Look, you’re going mad. You’re not supposed to ask questions.

  • Bobby Thigpen

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    God.

    God who? I mean there’s Buddha, Thor, Zeus, the FSM, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Yahweh….

  • tyaddow

    “knock knock”

    atheist: “since there is no empirical evidence that there is anyone there, I must conclude that the knocking sounds I am hearing have a different, natural, more rational explanation.”

  • Matthew

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    Jesus.

    Oh, Jesus! I have been waiting for you! Did you bring the carne asada and tortillas so Guillermo and Paco will shut up about me converting to Catholicism?