I just need one of you to sponsor me.
I’m sure you may be wondering, ‘How is this possible?’ Well, to this day we are the ONLY official distributor of reservations into Heaven. We are directly affiliated and sent down by The Board of Heavenly Officials, the only governing body in Heaven, to offer you one thing and one thing only: a worry free, secure way into Heaven.
In return, you can go to hell.
How would you feel if the end of your days came, and you were told that you needed to report in to the pearly gates. You had been waiting your entire life for this. Every moment was spent doing good deeds and loving those around you with the hopes of one day getting into Heaven. You finally make it through the gates and you realize you want to grab a drink with some old friends, but you find out they don’t have any alcohol. You then begin a search to find some good porn movies, but those aren’t anywhere to be found either. Hell, you can’t even find a TV set. You then realize the things you enjoyed in your earthly life aren’t anywhere to be found. If only you had reserved your spot in Hell, this wouldn’t of been a problem. Now you are forced to spend the rest of eternity being happy and smiling. Or let’s look at it from another angle. Maybe you have an ex-wife or mother in law who did you wrong during your time on earth but you figured they were on a one way path to Heaven, and you want them to suffer in Hell. Rest assured, they can, and will. We can fulfill these wishes and we guarantee it.
They do group discounts, too, in case you *really* dislike your coworkers.
Just in case you think they’re joking, don’t worry. There’s a money back guarantee:
We offer our 100% money back guarantee on all of our packages. If for any reason you do not make it to Hell then we will refund your money with no questions asked. Don’t worry though, we are confident you will make it.
Only $12.79 for the cheaper package!
Creators Nate Davis and Edgar Kim take PayPal.
(Thanks to Stacia for the link!)