Friendly Atheist Contest #26: Ben Stein’s Next Film

American Idols - Pareidolia on display – watch as people sheep mindlessly bow down to window condensation and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Married with 1.8 Children - classic sitcom with a population control twist.

Weakest Link – theologians vote off the apologist with the weakest argument for their own narrow viewpoint. Everybody leaves with nothing.

And – Doctor Who. Just the way it is.

Touched by an Angel, because it isn’t a true Athiest network unless there’s something to complain about.

Only thing I can come up with:

Going Fishing – Watch as one man (or woman) scours vast parking lots for the not-so elusive Jesus Fish! Watch as he proceeds to muster up his strength to reel ‘em in (pull them off of cars) and then make off with his plethora of fish-goodness. Weekdays at 8.

“One Life to Live” obviously.

News – for those of you under 55, that used to be something on regular television, just occasionally. For those under 40 it was a little like CNN when Ted Turner started it as only an atheist could. For those under 30 some remnants of real news was once available occasionally on 60 minutes and even 20/20.

Touched by His Noodly Appendage
FSM himself comes to earth disguised as a normal person to save people from non-pasta related meal plans.

Hitler Hour
Because everyone knows we love Hitler!

30 minute babies
Easy to cook baby recipes that take only 30 minutes!

“Creationists Say the Darndest Things”

The host would ask silly creationists a question about biology, paleontology, geology, astronomy/cosmology, physics/mathematics, etc., and the creationist will give a silly answer. Viewers then vote for their favorite silly answer.

EDIT: Somebody beat me to it. I forgot about fstdt.com

Sunday Morning Football!

Richard Dawkins as a televangelist, bringing viewers closer to Darwin! He’ll do prayers, faith healing, exorcisms (“I command you to leave in the name of SCIENCE!”). I’d watch it!

Pascal’s Deal or No Deal

Left Behind – thank goodness

As the World Turns. And Rotates. And Precesses. And Switches Magnetic Polarity.

“Instead of saying ‘Oh god!’, we say ‘Oh Gould!”

(Sorry…the evonerd in me is just begging for release!)

Ripley’s Or Not

Horror Movie Fridays: featuring terrifying films about bananas and crocoducks.

George Carlin returns to prime time, turning a one time skit into a full-blown sitcom

“Touched by an Atheist”, weekly on Godless

And if perchance it is a cable news channel?

Nous News

From Thursday’s lineup:

7th Helping – a family of 7 and their drama at the dinner table

Three’s a Crowd – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit share an apartment while trying to hide their real relationship from ther goofy landlord.

Happy Gays – A portrayl of a same-sex family and their friends without the religious persecution

Father Knew Best – a smarmy look at how today’s youth question yesterday’s religious authority

Mork & Mindy – a show that bad that ran that long is the only proof of no god that I need

AtheistTV would obviously an On Demand station offering a little bit of everything; atheist viewers would most certainly want the freedom to choose without having some supposedly infallible authority mandating the programming they must watch on some rigid schedule.

Cooking with Chris.

Watch Hitchens cook random meals for random people! The eaten dishes are combined to form new dishes. Only the best food survives to the next episode!

Everybody Loves Dick – A glimpse into everyone’s favorite evolutionary biologist’s childhood in Kenya and Britain, narrated by the indomitable Dr. Dawkins himself.

…yeah, someone had to say it.

24 hour Mythbusters, 7 days a week.

Actually who needs atheist cable tv when we’ve got the discovery channel?

Don’t wait for the news media to cover Hagee and McCain’s “agents of intolerance” turn around. The best you can hope for is Bill Maher doing a segment with Matt Taibbi.

First, let me just say that I’d totally pay for cable to see a channel with only half the suggestions made thus far.

Now how about we bring back comedy show Thank God You’re Here..

Porn.

If we’re going to be immoral, we’ve got to do it right, dammit!

Pastor Deacon Fred of Landover Baptist Church 24-7

or at least on Sunday mornings!

Science Fiction: Dr. Who (which, for my money, is one of the most skeptical and atheist shows ever produced, because there are no magics or Gods or real unexplainable mysteries, only science and aliens and misunderstood technology)

Science: “The Great Debate: Evolution vs. A Different Kind of Evolution.” A reality show where scientists pit competing theories of evolution against each other based on documented evidence. Hosted by Richard Dawkins and that blonde actress Hemant drools over. Simon Cowell produces.

Survivor: Galapagos ;-P

Penn and Teller’s Bullsh!t, or anything with James Randi.

“I Sold My Soul on eBay: The Series.” C’mon Hemant, you know you want to. Retitle it “I Sold My Soul to Television” or something.

The comedy gem: the Way of the Master, all seasons

You could never predict that; it would always be evolving.

I would love to see a half-hour FSTDT show.

Also, a series of Skeptic’s Annotated Bible, going verse by verse exposing the fallacies and contradictions. And then go on to do it to the rest of the world’s purported holy books.

And Mythbusters. Tons of Mythbusters.

Mystery Church Theater 3000: Where episodes of the 700 club are shown while Joel and his robots make fun of them.

Atheist Heroes starring Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris and the ghost of Stephen Jay Gould coming together this fall to thwart the evil of religion with super powers such as logic, reason, and proper grammar.

Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos”

A weekly special featuring Pat Condell.

Hopefully there would be a Friendly Atheist Hour.

[...] week, I ran this contest: What programming would appear on an atheist cable TV [...]