Here’s one more item you can add to the list of things you wish you came up with first: Stuff God Hates.
For example, God Hates Asia:
… I mostly try to smite Asians as much as I can. I’m always smiting them with tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanoes and plagues and small penis. Why, just last week I hit up China with a ‘quake and Myanmar with a Cyclone. Even still, I only managed to kill a measly 120,000 Asians. Great. Only another 3,999,880,000 more to go.
He also hates onions on pizza:
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have to bite into a slice, I can just tell from the smell. When this happens it drives Me into a violent rage I cannot explain – the last time it happened I struck down the CEO of Pizza Hut (by crushing him under his garage door.)
I HATE WOMEN! I HATE THEM SO MUCH!
They’re rife with design flaws. I mean, sure, they look fabulous and you just want to grab’em and do nasty things. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re all vile, selfish little whores that scowl at you when you hold the door open for them. And do they ever say thank you?
The answer is: rarely. I’ve watched every instance of this situation since doors were first invented. And women only say thank you 17% of the time. Mostly they just stride through like it’s every man’s job to hold doors open for strange bitches.
God’s one angry dude.
And He hasn’t even mentioned atheists yet.
(via Diary of a Teenage Atheist)