Put Me on the “Do Not Pray” List

From The Onion-like LarkNews:

… To ease tensions, the church did what many churches and ministries are increasingly doing: started a “do not pray” list… Hundreds of Muslims, atheists, Mormons and even pagans called to have their names added to the list. Now when prayer requests come in to the church, names are checked against the list before they receive prayer.

Sharon Grumman, a self-described “blue-state liberal freakazoid” says she was furious to learn that a co-worker had put her name on Peace Lutheran’s prayer list in Scottsdale, Ariz.

“Who gave them permission to practice their religious voodoo on me and my children?” says the single mother. “I consider it spiritual harassment, even if I do think prayer is bogus.”

Others feel the same way. A devout Hindu shoe store owner in Cincinnati believes the prayers of a local church have hindered him from gathering great wealth.

“If I’m praying to my gods and the Christians are praying to theirs, the prayers cancel out,” he says with evident frustration. He believes the church should reimburse him for lost revenue and has added his name to every do-not-pray list in the country. He believes a group of “zealous Baptist peoples” put his name on the lists in hopes of converting his family.

Hehe :)

You know the worst part about people who pray for you?

They always do it while you’re eating dinner…


[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

  • E

    “If I’m praying to my gods and the Christians are praying to theirs, the prayers cancel out,”

    What kind of fifth-grader logic is this? Even assuming that, A) your respective gods are real, and B) they’re not just the same god with a different name, wouldn’t you just get double the blessing? Oh, but wait:

    He believes the church should reimburse him for lost revenue . . . He believes a group of “zealous Baptist peoples” put his name on the lists in hopes of converting his family.

    So that’s what it’s about! You didn’t sell enough Nikes (it couldn’t be the terrible economy, could it?) and the only logical explanation is that two opposing deities couldn’t answer two different prayers, so you want some cash out of the deal. Leave it to holy people to always find a way to capitalize on their beliefs.

  • http://merelyadequate.net Mike aka MonolithTMA

    E,

    Both The Onion and lark News are satire sites. Those are not real quotes.

  • TheDeadEye

    Sign me up! I hate getting prayed for in the middle of the night when rational people are trying to sleep.

  • http://omega-geek.blogspot.com Spook

    E, buddy, pal, relax. You’re way too serious about a joke.

    Funny article; thing is, there’s a serious side to this. From what I understand, the LDS do some weird “baptism for the dead” that really offends living relatives of the dead person if they happen to be of another denomination. I’m sure some people would appreciate a “do not pray list” in such affairs ;)

    Of course, Christians often inform me that they’re praying for me. I never know how to react to that (…and not come off like a jerk!)

  • Polly

    Where do I sign!
    I specifically told someone NOT to pray for me, once. I said something to the effect of, “If you really think I’m in trouble without your prayers, then stop and we’ll see if you’re right.”

    Being a Pollytheist I simply talk to myself when I want to pray.

  • E

    From The Onion-like LarkNews:

    Whoops, didn’t see that part! Can we just chalk this one up to Poe’s Law, then?

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  • http://merelyadequate.net Mike aka MonolithTMA

    E,

    The best satire is convincing. You aren’t the first, nor will you be the last to fall for it. ;-)

  • A-theist

    Spook, you could just say “thanks” or a non-committal “mm.” It’s not a malicious act, so you could just be gracious and let it go. We don’t have to be indignant about everything.

  • http://blog.lib.umn.edu/fole0091/epistaxis Epistaxis

    Spook said:

    From what I understand, the LDS do some weird “baptism for the dead” that really offends living relatives of the dead person if they happen to be of another denomination. I’m sure some people would appreciate a “do not pray list” in such affairs

    A-theist replied:

    It’s not a malicious act, so you could just be gracious and let it go. We don’t have to be indignant about everything.

    Whatever their intentions, it may actually be much more offensive to religious people than it is to atheists. For example, the families of Jewish holocaust victims have expressed outrage that the Mormons are “posthumously baptizing” their loved ones.

  • Stephen

    Of course, Christians often inform me that they’re praying for me. I never know how to react to that

    “And I’ll drink to your health.”

  • http://www.bernerbits.com Derek

    “And I’ll drink to your health.”

    Stealing it.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Saying that you’ll pray for someone is “Christian code” for saying that you are not going to do a damn thing for them. I’ll be happy to pray for anyone ;) People can pray for me all they want. People that I like, I actually do something for them.

  • Karen

    Saying that you’ll pray for someone is “Christian code” for saying that you are not going to do a damn thing for them.

    Or it can be a “holy” rebuke or expression of thinly veiled disapproval or scandal.

    As in:
    “My sister-in-law is a lesbian.”
    “OH! Well, I’ll definitely pray for her then!”

    Or it can be a sincere expression of concern and letting someone know that they matter to you, even if there’s nothing particular to be done about the situation. Nowadays, I prefer to say something like, “I’ll be thinking about you” and then call a few days later to suggest something real I could possibly do to help.

  • Darryl

    “And I’ll drink to your health.”

    Consider this a second theft.

  • Josha

    I recently met a man who went on a mission to a country with a large population of Muslims (he didn’t tell me where he was). He said on one of their holy days his friend (a local) talked him into attending the service at the Mosque.

    Then he said, “There were about 400 men praying to Allah. Of course being a Christian I was praying against them.”

    I’m still not quite sure what he meant by that. Don’t they believe in the same god?

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