Just As I Imagined…

Posted on June 5, 2008 by Guest Contributor

This is what Heaven looks like — “an amusement park that never closes.”

Click for a larger image:

mapofheaven.jpg

My favorite part?

The Damned Viewer which allows you to check up on everyone you dislike:

From Adolf Hitler to your philandering boss to the smug atheist next door, watch all the vile people you hate get what they deserve!

(via toomanytribbles)


[tags]atheist, atheism, heaven, hell, Christian[/tags]

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  • http://alcaritown.myminicity.com/ Sanity

    So, how much are we willing to bet people are going to take this seriously?

  • David D.G.

    That’s freakin’ hysterical.

    And, yes, someone is definitely bound to take it seriously. Heck, I’ve seen plenty of people state outright that one of the things they most look forward to in heaven is the schadenfreude of looking down into the nether realm at all the people who laughed at them in life, and then laughing in return as they watch them being roasted and otherwise tortured for eternity — and they were dead serious! (Uh, no pun intended.)

    ~David D.G.

  • Xeonicus

    America land… haha… so true.

  • http://www.otmatheist.com/ hoverFrog

    “Bring a box of tissues to memory land and relive your finest moments”. Does heaven have other kinds of porn as well?

  • http://www.nullifidian.net/ nullifidian

    Is it surprising that there are huge queues for the view of watching the infidels burn, yet relatively few queueing to sit on Santa’s Jesus’s lap? :-)

    Also, isn’t Jesus supposed to be on the other side, according to traditional dogma?

  • Larry Huffman

    HAHA…at the map and at some of the responses.

    So…I can relive my finest moments and then go and watch the same girl I was with while she is buring in hell in in the present time? Classic. Wait…um…I think I would be the one burning. Nevermind. ;-)

    I am sure people will take this serious…or, even if they recognize the map as a joke, many will still incorporate portions that appeal to them into their “heaven” scenario.

  • Chris

    I love how America Land is larger and in a more prominent place than God/Jesus. Even just as funny is that the Catholics are in a fenced off section of their own. Much like that joke that goes something like:

    Man dies, goes to heaven. Sees a large long wall and asks Saint Peter “what’s on the other side?” “Oh, those are the Catholics, they think they’re the only ones here”.

  • Autumnal Harvest

    The greatest joy of Heaven is in watching the torments of the damned in Hell: a spectacle far more pleasing than any upon Earth.

    -Tertullian, De Spectaculis, 3rd century C.E.

  • http://skepticalmonkey.com Ted Goas

    Looks like a mini golf course… haha.

    Why are the dinosaurs confined to a petting zoo? Shouldn’t they have rights? It’s their heaven, too!

  • http://thescienceethicist.blogspot.com/ Aerik

    Notice how the line for the damned view is longer than any other.

  • http://cynical-c.com Chris

    Shouldn’t the line for the Marital Coitus Castle be longer than the line for God’s lap?

  • Richard Wade

    Looks a lot like Disneyland. Spending more than a few hours in Disneyland would be like hell. My Dad got stuck in the Small World ride for over an hour with that extremely annoying song repeating and those angel-faced dolls dancing. He was speechless when they got him out and he was never the same.

  • http://thescienceethicist.blogspot.com/ Aerik

    @Chris: it’s the same thing.

  • http://heathendad.blogspot.com/ HappyNat

    “Bring a box of tissues to memory land and relive your finest moments”. Does heaven have other kinds of porn as well?

    Ha! Knock that off I’m trying to drink my coffee. :)

  • gandolf989

    Notice that fantasy land is next to the arena of answers!!!
    Now I have to decide how much trouble I will be in if I hang this
    on my door at work!

    And since when does heaven have a snack shop, but no buffet???

  • http://feveredintellect.blogspot.com Viggo the Carpathian

    My Dad thought Heaven would be a pre-Civil War plantation where the ‘lesser’ Christians had to work the fields for the superior ones. He was of course a superior one…

  • http://kkbarrett.blogspot.com Kristopher

    Well, of course Americaland is front and center, and God is off to the side.

    We are better than God … just ask us!

  • jdcollins

    @ Chris

    There’s no line for the marital coitus castle because that’s what everyone in heaven has been doing their whole life. They want a break!

    If I were the designer, I’d put an Adultery Castle which, upon leaving, finishes with a raft ride filled with holy water to wash you clean of your transgressions al a “Congo River Rapids” at Busch Gardens. A Holy-Water Fall!

    Of course, everyone leaving the ride would just run around to go again and the dinosaur petting zoo would have no guests…

  • Richard Wade

    Shouldn’t there be a large grove of banana trees?

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Richard Wade said,
    Shouldn’t there be a large grove of banana trees?

    Yes, and there should also be a natural divine history museum displaying banana fossils showing evidence of proving that bananas have never changed over time since the Creation… that the ripe banana has always been yellow, just so long, slightly curved, and fitting so well in the hand just like Ray Comfort says his does ;)

  • Mriana

    I don’t get who and how anyone would believe this. Then again, I’m not sure how anyone can have such a concept to begin with. Guess these people have overactive imaginations. And here I thought, as someone who likes to write that I had an active imagination, but this stuff is beyond me. Wonder if this person can do SciFi while they are at it?