Friendly Atheist Contest #30: Atheist Store Receipts

June 27, 2008 By Guest Contributor 26 Comments

Last week, I ran this contest:

You went shopping at an atheist store.

What’s it called?

Where is it located?

What did you buy?

How much did it cost?

I want to know what your receipt looks like!

Here are the Top 3 responses (with submitters)!

3|

nightmare.jpg

(Ross)

2|

cantbelieve.JPG

(Brandon)

1|

foodforthought.jpg

(Scott)

And an honorable mention to H.M. who made me laugh with this one:

soul.jpg

…

Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!

FriendlyAtheistBand

…

If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

We recently learned that one in five atheists actually believes in God.

What other surprises did we discover from the U.S. Religious Landscape Survey?

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!


[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

Filed Under: Contests, General 26 Comments
  • Robin

    That despite Mitt Romney’s assertion to the contrary, Mormon’s aren’t really Christians after all.

  • Sondra

    That god is secretly the head of a conspiracy to promote atheism in America in an effort to improve the country’s morals :O

  • Aph

    1 in 10 Catholics are practicing Zoroastrians.

  • http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/ Cobwebs

    That the most popular type of “holy Mormon underwear” is the thong.

  • Old Beezle

    #1
    –1/10 Christians are actually closet atheists.
    –9/10 Christians lie about their belief in god

    #2
    –Mormons have the highest % of “partial college education” due to the girls finding a mate at BYU and then dropping out to have lots of mormon babies

    #3
    –Religious folks really don’t *dislike* atheists, they’re just afraid of dying and have to take it out on somebody

    #4
    –Atheists consume, per person, 3 times the national average of bananas

    #5
    –JW’s have the lowest education levels out of all denominations, which finally solves the mystery as to why they’re so rabidly fanatic

    #6
    –the cult of the FSM is the single largest shareholder in the Bucca di Beppo chain of Italian restaurants

    #66
    –the Mormon church is the single largest shareholder in the Hustler porn empire

    #666
    –the Church of NASCAR still draws bigger crowds on Sundays than the Evangelicals, followed closely by the Churches of the NFL, NBA, and MLBB; attendance is also up at the Church of ML Soccer on news that LA Galaxy will be trading David Beckham for Jesus of Nazareth

  • Trevor

    Scientology still makes more sense than Atheism to most people.

  • Fergus Gallagher

    I’m completely stumped. I just can’t understand the winning receipt. Is that a USAnian joke I’m missing?

  • Trevor

    Angel’s Hair Pasta, Devil’s Food Cake, and Deviled Eggs. So you take out angels and devils, things Atheists don’t believe in, and you get that.

  • http://gaytheist.wordpress.com Reed Braden

    Angel Hair Pasta
    Devil’s Food Cake
    Devilled Eggs

  • http://gretachristina.typepad.com/ Greta Christina

    We recently learned that one in five atheists actually believes in God.

    What other surprises did we discover from the U.S. Religious Landscape Survey?

    That one out of five Hndus believe that the Jews are God’s chosen people?

    That one out of five Jews believe in Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior?

    That one out of five Evangelical Christians believe that there is no god but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet?

    It makes about as much sense as the one out of five atheists who believe in God. So I’m going to go with:

    We learned that you can’t trust polls.

  • Andrew

    That 1 in 100 christians is actually a toaster.

    That 5/1 of all those surveyed think that the Banana argument is idiotic.

    (I suppose the latter isn’t that much of a surprise..)

  • Derek H.

    I learned that people don’t understand their own beliefs well enough to answer questions on a survey.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Four out of five Atheist dentists recommend sugar-free gum.

    It’s the fifth Atheist dentist that believes in God :)

  • J Myers

    That “atheist” and “a theist” are easily confused.

  • Wes

    In addition to 1 in 5 atheists believing in god, a recent poll of gods found that 1 in 4 gods is an atheist. “Fucking Nietzsche,” Yahweh replied when asked for comment.

    “Religion is just so confusing. I don’t know what I believe any more,” said Ishtar, a dying-and-resurrecting savior goddess once adored by millions of Sumerians and Babylonians, but now known only to historians and religious scholars. “It’s like everyone just forgot about me. I was being ignored. It started to feel like I didn’t even exist. Then I started actually wondering if maybe I really don’t exist. That would explain the 2,000 year cold shoulder I’ve been getting.” She said one benefit of this, though, was selling the book rights for her story to Neil Gaiman.

    Amon-Ra, long neglected sun god of the Egyptians, said that after discovering the works of Sartre and Camus he realized the absurdity of his own godhood and the terrifying anxiety of being faced with free choice, and could no longer believe in his own existence. He now runs a bakery in San Francisco called “The Muffin Also Rises”.

    The poll was conducted from Apr 1, 2004 through Apr. 1 2006 by divine revelation and prophecy, which have a sampling error or +/- 0.0%.

  • JohnB

    Nine out of ten atheists really do believe that bananas are the world’s most perfect food, but that god probably didn’t make them that way.

    Six out of ten Catholics prefer rye-flavored host.

    A full 50% of all Hindus admit having indulged in cow-tipping as teenagers.

    Only one in ten Jews believes in a literal hell, ten out of ten Pentecostals believe in a literal hell, and ten out of ten atheists think if there is a hell, it is populated by Pentecostals and that Jerry Falwell is their waterboy.

  • anon

    According to recent polls taken by the University of California, an amazing 87% percent of Christians believe in zombies, 90% believe in telepathy, and an astounding 99.3% believe in the magic of water submersion.

    King me! =)

  • Andrew

    …4 out of 5 atheists don’t believe in God…

  • http://akheloios.blogspot.com/ Akheloios

    That -

    1 in 5 cats are actually dogs as new interpretations of taxonomy are invented.

  • Ubi Dubius

    1 out of 5 dyslexic atheists believe in a dog. 2 out of 5 dyslexic atheists own a god and another 2 own a tac.

  • Josha

    1 in 5 atheists believes they are god.

  • Luther Weeks

    One in five Republicans have proof that George Bush balanced the budget and Bill Clinton put us in debt. The other four take it on faith.

  • http://stevereport.blogspot.com/ Steve

    …that 1 in 5 gods actually believe in atheists. Also of note, it was found the 4 out of 5 kittehs believe in the Ceiling Cat.

  • Josh

    1 in 5 members of Congress are actually 12-foot tall blue-skinned aliens.

  • Ubi Dubius

    That 9 out of 10 religious politicians fake their belief at least once a week.

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