Random Conversations

A conversation that took place recently:

[On a date]

Date: I’m psychic.

Me: Umm… CHECK!

[Check doesn't arrive.]

Date: Give me your hand so I can find out what you are thinking.

[Date closes eyes and puts her hands on top of mine.]

Me (in my mind): You’re crazy. Stop touching my hand. You know, you could just ask me what I’m thinking…

[I scan around for our waiter.]

Date: I’m all done.

Me: And?

Date: You’re having a wonderful time!!!

Me: Wow… your powers are incredible.

And one more that has nothing to do with religion/skepticism:

[Phone rings]

Me: Hello?

Dude: Hi, I’m from U.S. Cellular!

Me: Mhmm…

Dude: I see that your cell phone contract with us is about to expire. I wanted to know if you were planning to renew next month!

Me: Nope.

Dude: Oh… and may I ask why?

Me: I want an iPhone.

Dude: Oh…

Me: You guys don’t work with iPhones.

Dude: Right…

Me: Yep.

Dude: You know, we have several products that work just like an iPh—-

Me: No you don’t.

Dude: We do!

Me: No. No, you don’t.

Dude: But our phones have pull-out keyboards.

Me: Right… I’m hanging up now.

Dude: [quietly] Come back to us…?

[*click*]

  • Ron in Houston

    See, two examples of delusional thinking. One secular and one not.

  • Ngeli

    I am normally very tolerant, but now, I have to preach to you. You need to be saved from the horrible idea that is an iPhone! This phone has several misfeatures, which do not make it a viable platform. First of all, it is a DRM-infected platform and you seel your soul, so to speak to Apple because you are relying on their software instead of relying on open standards. I want you to reconsider using such a restricted, proprietary platform for communication!

    The FSF gets this point across a bit more eloquently than me at: http://www.fsf.org/blogs/community/5-reasons-to-avoid-iphone-3g

    ~Ngeli

    PS: I read the German translation of your book yesterday and enjoyed it!

  • Darryl

    I dumped Verizon. They were costing me too much, but the clincher was when I found out they were one of the companies that handed over customer information to the Feds without a warrant. Fuck ‘em.

  • http://soberish.wordpress.com John Cain

    A similar predicament happened to me a few months ago, albeit with a group of people:

    Me: So my birthday’s next week.
    Girl: Oh, so you’re an Aries! [goes on to describe my "real" personality]
    Me: But I don’t believe in astrology.
    Girl: [continues to predict my personality]
    Me: Yeah, but I don’t believe in astrology!
    Girl: But I do! And it’s VERY IMPORTANT to me!

    At which point I shut up in the interests of social harmony, and she continued to “analyze” everyone else at the table.

  • http://ohthethinksyoucanthink.blogspot.com Linda

    Wow! German translation! Hemant, I didn’t know you were an international superstar! Is there a Korean translation?

    Anyway, you made me laugh with this post. I needed that. Thanks!

  • The Unbrainwashed

    Where exactly did you find the psychic? I’m curious how you got matched up with her.

  • Kate

    Let me take a wild stab in the dark and say that you probably didn’t find THAT gem on an atheist dating site.

    OMFG DOES THAT MAKE ME PSYCHIC?!?!?!

    Maybe she mistook the cold sweat on your hands for passion. You know, when it was really anxiety from you wanting to get out of there ASAP. ;)

  • http://www.heuristicism.ca/ Aditya

    You should really look into some alternatives to the iPhone. I’ve read a couple of comparisons between the iPhone and similar devices where the iPhone consistently loses out (not that it’s a completely bad phone, my Apple hatred notwithstanding). The HTC Touch (Diamond) is one of the big ones; if you’re willing to wait a bit, Google Android phones will definitely be worth looking at, as there’ll be massive application support for it. One application (that was one of the winners in Google’s contest), for example, allows you to take a picture of a barcode and then find the item online as well as locally and find out what the best price is (or, if it’s a book or CD or something, it can also search for it at a local library). I’m looking for a new phone but I’m willing to wait on Android phones, because I love open stuff and I don’t like being tied down; so Apple is never an option for me! Also remember that there have been many complaints over Apple’s touchscreen keyboard, and people are saying that a pull-out would have been much better.

    Now, I’m curious: did you actually say “CHEQUE!” that loudly? (Instead, you could have responded like you did with the cell phone dude: “I’m psychic.” “No, no you’re not.” and that way you wouldn’t have had to deal with further awkwardness.) Did she just blow right past it, and then later assume you were having a wonderful time? And did the dude actually say “Come back to us” at the end (it sounds too funny to be true)?

  • cameronp

    Tip to have fun on a bad date:

    Pretend you’re illiterate.

  • Justin

    I’m an RSS subscriber to your blog, member of Tulsa Atheists (whose ad I notice you mentioned in an earlier entry). I also work for Sprint. Wanted to say that so this won’t seem like random spam. Just thought I’d mention Sprint has an iPhone competitor, the Instinct. Faster, less buggy, cheaper. Hardware is cheaper ($129.99 after $100 rebate) and the plan to go with it is cheaper, I believe, as well ($99.99 per month). Just FYI.

    I do tech support for a Sprint call center and there is a LOT of irrational belief out there. Like that a phone can be repaired while it is being used. Or that one can ask for internet access to be blocked from a phone but then one should still be able to get to one’s MySpace. Or that one can fail to purchase insurance on a phone, then drop the phone in a toilet, dry it in a microwave, and then expect it to be repaired for free at a distance by a call center tech rather than at a repair shop “because I paid a lot of money for this phone” (actual call).

  • Justin jm

    Unrelated, but I’d better call myself Justin jm to distinguish me from the other Justin who posted.

  • http://blog.lib.umn.edu/fole0091/epistaxis Epistaxis

    Re: psychic. At least you know she’s easy.

    Re: iPhone. I also suggest an alternative: whatever $20 barebones cell phone is the cheapest one in the catalog. I already own a portable MP3 player, and I’m never away from a computer long enough to need the other features in too-small-to-be-useful form, so the hell with it. But if you really must, at least don’t endorse Apple’s monopolistic practices. I hear the Android is something.

    Re: Aditya:

    did you actually say “CHEQUE!” that loudly?

    No, he’s American, so he said “CHECK!”

  • Pseudonym

    She was kidding about being a psychic, right? I wasn’t there, but it sounded like a cheezy line delievered deadpan, rather than being serious.

  • snoozebar

    Don’t listen to them, the iPhone is awesome.

    And WTF on the psychic date. Seriously, that is some stone cold crazy there.

  • c.d.

    oh no, if possible please don’t support with your money the worst behaviours of apple corporation. those guys are dangerous control freaks, and getting worst all the time…

  • Beowulff

    You’d think a real psychic would know not to bother going on the date, or not to bring up the topic so soon at the very least…

  • Christophe Thill

    I think she just wanted to touch your hand. The fact that you call her “crazy” for this doesn’t bode well for the future of the relationship… !

  • http://atheistblogger.com Adrian Hayter

    Forget why you dated a psychic…why the hell would you want an iPhone???

  • Slut

    Dude, she was touching your hand cuz she wanted your body!!!!

  • http://heathendad.blogspot.com/ HappyNat

    Since she was a psychic, she knew Hemant would react react in a negative fashion when she grabbed his hand. So maybe she was just doing this to make sure she wasn’t asked out on a second date by Hemant. :)

    I think she just wanted to touch your hand. The fact that you call her “crazy” for this doesn’t bode well for the future of the relationship… !

    If she wanted to touch his hand she could have asked to or just done it. If she thinks it takes crazy BS to be able to touch a date it doesn’t bode well for her future relationships.

  • http://mnatheists.org Bjorn Watland

    I use my iPod Touch everyday. For me, it’s fun to use. I’m locked into Verizon for nearly forever, but if I could, I’d jump on an iPhone.

  • Gabriel

    You should buy an iphone for yourself and then one for each of your friends and family and few to give out to passing strangers. My stock has taken a bit of a hit this week.

  • http://joshuamcharles.com/blog Josh Charles

    Don’t listen to the haters! I have a first generation iPhone and it continues to rock my socks off. The haters have no clue what they’re talking about.

    As for the psychic thing, I do wonder if it was just a ploy, something to fill in the time.

  • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

    I like my iPhone too. Some people just hate Apple the way others hate Microsoft, only with not as many good reasons. Still, it doens’t hurt to comparison shop and see what the competition has to offer.

  • http://notapottedplant.blogspot.com Transplanted Lawyer

    Hemant, that was poorly played.

    Date (F): I’m a psychic.
    Atheist (M): [Double-takes] You’re kidding.
    Date: No, I’m not. Let me touch your hand to see what you’re thinking. [Touches atheist's hand]
    Atheist: [Smiles bemusedly]
    Date: You’re having a wonderful time!
    Atheist: I am. Did you feel the connection too? It was kind of like electricity!
    Date: Yes, yes! That’s what it feels like!
    Atheist: [Closes the deal later that night, subsequently fails to return date's calls]

    Alternatively, it could go like this:

    Date (M): I”m a psychic.
    Atheist (F): Get out. Now. Never call me again.

  • Ngeli

    I am not a hater, I am against iPhones because I like free software and free standards! When MS and apple do something in that respect, I like it.

  • TXatheist

    I like the iphone but hate the $30 extra a month idea so I’m holding off. Wife has the original one and it’s $20 a month extra. Apple does what it does restriction wise to keep their grasp of what happens to their technology. Toyota will let Nissan use the hybrid technology at a price similarly.

  • TXatheist

    Mine wasn’t a date but an airplane ride. A well-educated guy sitting next to me said his wife could tell me my past so I offered to call her when we landed .I was polite but told him that is bunk and until she could tell me my history I didn’t think she was anything more than cold-reader like John Edwards. When I got off the plane he just looked at me and kept walking so I let it go.

  • jonathan

    recently at a party talking to a woman and her boyfriend about astrology:

    Woman: (to me) what are you?
    Me: I’m a human.
    Boyfriend: Great answer!
    Woman: NO!! What you’re sign?
    Me: Sorry, I’m into reality based thinking.
    Boyfriend: Thank you!
    Woman: NOOO!!! Ok, what’s your birthday.
    Me: October 29.
    Woman: You’re a scorpio.
    Me: I believe you.

  • David D.G.

    Dude: [quietly] Come back to us…?

    [*click*]

    Breakups are so filled with emotional drama, especially when the one getting dumped just can’t stand to let go.

    ;^D

    ~David D.G.

  • llewelly

    Ngeli has it right. The iphone may be a neat piece of technology, but it is also a dirty rotten attempt to take a way rights we all deserve.

  • KevinM

    I’ve been critical of Apple’s closed-source ways, but I’m a huge fan of the iPod touch. (Naturally, the iPhone is very very similar.) Right now there isn’t a GOOD open competitor. They either lack a quality interface (interface is key) or there is just not a wide enough selection of software! There’s a ton of good stuff on the App Store, and of course there was (and probably will be again) the Jailbreak option… And that was very open.

    So Hemant, go ahead and get the iPhone. Or don’t be locked into it for two years and get an iPod Touch and a cheap phone.

  • lolol.

    Well, I received this phone call once:

    me: hello?
    recorded computerized feminine voice: DO NOT HANG UP. WE ARE WITH THE ASSOCIATION to RESTORE MORALS AND VALUES-
    me: WHAT?! i dont need my morals and sh** restored!
    -dialtone-
    me: hello?

    i thought it was a prank call but it was a very computerized sounding voice. and the phone number was an 800 number i think. it offended and disturbed me.


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