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This picture of kids huddled over an iPhone is in dire need of a caption:
(via Glocal Christianity)
“Jesus, please exorcise the demons from this iPhone. Mommy says that anything that does this many things is of the devil”
“Lord Our God, please, oh, please, oh, please make our parents get us each an iPhone of our own.”
Thou shalt have no other phones before me.
“Romans 2:15, And the Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, shall rise again. He shall have a durable outer casing and several nifty features like video capability and a touch screen. And He shall be Good.”
iGod which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy network come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily 3G.
And forgive us our phone bill, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into dead zones, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the
network, and the power, and the shininess, for ever. iMen
How about Judges 1:19?
The Lord was with Judah, and drove out the inhabitants of the valley, but could not drive out the people of the mountains, because they had new iPhone 3Gs.
iPhones are not Great How Apple Poisons Everything
If iPhones are objects of worship, I’m an atheist in more than one way now.
…And our Lord Steve Jobs said: “Let there be overpriced, ill-compatible electronic devices that make their users look elitist and retarded”.
Thus, the Apple corporation was born.
Apple is the one true religion. Steve Jobs is the messiah.
Worship of non-emacsite religions on the rise!
Please, God. Don’t let the batteries die before the Jonas Brothers song is finished. Amen.
And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made…
iPhones are not Great How Apple Poisons Everything
I remembered a link you forgot.
I really liked Lynns
Just goes to show: some people are so deluded they will worship anything.
Justin’s hallowed be thy name is very good.
“suck it Jesus, this iPhone is my God now!”
(in homage to Kathy Griffin for the Emmy speech she got in soooooo much trouble for:)
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There is no God but Apple and Jobs is his prophet.
iGod which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.Thy network come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily 3G.And forgive us our phone bill, as we forgive our debtors.And lead us not into dead zones, but deliver us from evil: For thine is thenetwork, and the power, and the shininess, for ever. iMen
This reminded me strongly of Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
All toys bright and beautiful, All cellphones great and small; All screens shiny and touchable, The Lord Jobs made them all.
Each little app that opens, Each little case that blings; He made their glowing icons, He made their tinny rings.
iPhones bright and beautiful, All widgets great and small; All things fast and wonderful, The Lord Jobs made them all!
- Hello? God? Can you hear us? - Do you think he will hear our prayers now? - Sssshhhh…
Some of the applications that I’ve uploaded since upgrading my iPhone software have caused the device to crash on me a couple of times, but it always rises again after the third minute.
The schism between Mac and PC users can be almost as tense and heated as the divide between atheists and theists! Perhaps these innocent children are praying for peace, harmony and tolerance between all users of computers technology…
Then again, they might simply be rubbing their hands together, scheming to get mummy and daddy to buy them each an iPhone ASAP.
“We’re still waiting on that whole ‘second coming’ thing… oh, the 3G iPhone is out? Well, that’s it then, enjoy being raptured!”
The iPhone is correctly called the Jesus Phone (a la Stephen Colbert); amazing qualities are attributed to it and evidence of these things only convince the believers. Everybody else just laughs and resumes reading their copy of “the iPhone delusion.”
“Hey God, can you hear me now? Oh wait, this shit isn’t verizon.”
Bigger Than The Beatles
Bigger Than Jesus
Somebody beat me to claiming the source material, but here’s what I’d planned to post:
Our Steve, who art in Cupertino, Hallowed by thy reality distortion field…
“Bless me, iPhone, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last download.”
It also gives a whole new meaning to that classic teen text, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Greta Christina said,
Good lord, i know the iPhone is a phone, mp3 player, GPS device, etc but don’t tell me it’s a tampon replacement too!!!
Even God can’t get us an unlocked iPhone.
Go ahead Adam. Take a bite.
I’m sorry, but you have reached a wrong number….
Dear Jesus, thank you for creating a digital version of your words and wisdom to guide us through these dark and trying times in our childhood. Granny still doesn’t have a computer yet and mom and pop still don’t know how to text message, but we are certain you will show them the way. Amen.
Oh, and God, why isn’t your contact number already programmed into this immaculate phone?! Just curious… we didn’t know if you were available for text praying or not…Amen
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