It’s not that I don’t have the requisite bisexual tendencies, but I’ve got something in common with our young lady here – by the virtue of my childhood upbringing, I’m still convinced on some level that there is no such thing as a real bisexual or that being bisexual will automatically make me an indiscriminate sex maniac. Consequentially, I go from “yeah, I’m bi” to “but am I really?” to “WHY AM I BI???!” It was particularly bad at first, because for me, being straight was the last vestige of religious dignity I had. (“Okay, I’m an apostate and an atheist and I support civil rights and lie to my parents about my online activities, but I’m still straight!”) And since I prefer men over women, and am not easily turned on, I find it much too easy to discount the few women who really do it for me and say “well, okay, sure, I’m just a little odd”.

I wouldn’t even dream of telling my parents. To them, being bisexual is the only thing worse than being lesbian (despite the fact that I can still have relationships with men?); my mother says that they’re “indiscriminate” and my dad says that bisexuals act only on lust. It’s lies and misinformation all the way.

Also, as for practical advice: as far as the guilt is concerned, that will pass if you keep working on it. Surround yourself with rationality, and people who are rational. Learn how to dismantle the anti-GLBT propaganda being spouted by the religious, from a logical standpoint. It’ll get easier to move past those feelings once you really understand that they aren’t anything to feel ashamed or guilty about—not just in your body, but in your heart and mind as well. It’s just a matter of proving it to yourself, I guess.

Get thee to a counselor, or at the very least start doing some heavy research. I recommend learning about cognitive-behavioral therapy, which worked great for me. I highly recommend the book “Feeling Good” by Dr. David D. Burns. Unfortunately I don’t recall any of the examples in the book specifically dealing with sexuality, but it should still be useful in learning about depression and its causes and solutions.

I suspect CBT would work well for anyone accustomed to evidence-based thinking, since it’s essentially a method of self-skepticism – you scrutinize your thoughts and evaluate their rationality.

please look at your own life and make sure that you have absolutely no “agenda” before counseling someone else to not go to a specific type of people who might have an “agenda.”

I’m well aware of my own biases which is one reason why I suggest reducing them in a therapist. When you want help you want someone to help you, not their own cause. A church based counsellor has an automatic bias towards the church that may or may not be in the best interests of the person being helped. Someone independent would be better positioned to make that assessment.

As a bisexual myself, I think in many ways coming out as bi can be harder than coming out as gay or lesbian. It’s easier for families and friends to call it a phase, not take it seriously, and/or hold out hope that you’ll wind up in an opposite- sex relationship. And if you do end up dating a guy at some point, the straight world may act as if the phase is over… and the gay world may act as if you’re backsliding. Bisexuality is often not taken seriously as a sexual identity.

So when you do reading and look for support in the GLBT community, be sure to look for books and support organizations specifically about bisexuality.

I also agree that, if at all possible, getting out of your parents’ house would probably be a good idea.

And I second what others have said about therapy. Not reparative therapy, Loki forbid, but the regular kind. And I think Hoverfrog has a perfectly valid point: while I doubt this would be true at the UU, a lot of church- based counseling prioritizes faith and staying in the church over the counselee’s happiness and well- being. You want a therapist whose only agenda is you being happy and mentally healthy. (BTW, in many cities, free or low- cost counseling is available.)

To hoverFrog, I say this: please look at your own life and make sure that you have absolutely no “agenda” before counseling someone else to not go to a specific type of people who might have an “agenda.”

If the internal conflict runs deep, tough, maybe as Frog says it would be better with some counseling or psychotherapy. It hurts nobody and probably at a Psych school (psychology or psychiatry) they have small clinics that are cheaper than a private therapist, if money is an issue.