I Signed the Lease

August 9, 2008 By Guest Contributor 17 Comments

Next week, I’ll be moving into my first roommate-less apartment! Woo!

How can I atheify the place?

Besides, of course, painting the walls a somber shade of black (the color of an atheist’s soul…) and buying a large pot for my dinner:

baby-in-pot.jpg

For some reason, I’m a bit hesitant to hang the 2009 Skepdudes calendar in my bedroom.

I think it may give off the wrong impression…

Filed Under: General 17 Comments
  • cipher

    Congradulations.

    A few well-placed throw pillows will help to draw attention away from the baby-leftovers.

  • http://omega-geek.blogspot.com Spook

    Sacrifice a goat and smear the big red “A” on the walls while chanting passages of “The God Delusion” backwards.

    No, wait, don’t do that. That’s silly and will probably cost you your security deposit. Just call some local priests and ask if they have any unblessing services availible.

  • cipher

    Perhaps that guy with the hair dryer could come over…

  • weemaryanne

    Congratulations, Hemant. Every nonbeliever’s home that I’ve ever been in seems to feature the following:
    - a small library of books on all subjects;
    - houseplants vigorous enough to acquire personalities of their own; and
    - one or more cats.

    I am unable to determine whether these items are requirements for the atheified home or whether they are merely common accoutrements of the atheistic lifestyle. I suppose it doesn’t matter.

  • Kate

    Uh…duh…

    An atheist girlfriend! :) DOUBLE the per-square-foot atheism instantly, AND piss off any nearby Christians by living in pure sin.

  • Jeff Flowers

    Personally, the lack of religious in my home satisfies me.

  • http://www.flickr.com/cwphotos chion

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! You will wish you’d done this years ago. Living alone (or with a cat, weemaryanne!) is wonderful. My favorte part about living alone is that when i get up to go to the bathroom (with the door OPEN! woohoo!), the channel stays the same on the tv! That’s precious. You will LOVE it.

    :)

  • http://atheistagogo.wordpress.com/ Gregory

    weemaryanne –

    Yes, cats are a requirement, it’s in the handbook. They remind us constantly that the universe wasn’t designed for us.

  • http://tungtide.wordpress.com tungtide

    What about those nonbelievers with cat allergies? Living in my own place is wonderful, but a cat would ruin it for me.

    I am willing to relent on the library and plants…I just need to find some plants now.

  • Pustulio

    I have a little sign in my living room that says, “A man has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.”

    I also have the cats and the small library that’s heavy on Asimov. No plants though…

  • MathMike

    Get some blood red Roman shades for your windows. Stylish, spooky, and they keep the bedroom a sleep conducive dark well into the afternoon whenever you want to have a Sleep-in-Sunday.

  • http://thehappyhuman.wordpress.com jtradke

    You’ll need a good set of kitchen knives. Baby flesh can be surprisingly difficult to cut!

    Also you’ll need carving tools, a candle-making kit, etc. – I mean, you’re going to make use of every part of the babies, right? To do otherwise would be immoral!

  • http://www.heathenz.com Kevin

    That’s funny because next week I’m moving into my first apartment. (Not roommate-less). My roommate is also an atheist so needless to say, we’re going to have the biggest baby feast you’ve ever seen.

    Baby in the morning,
    Baby in the evening,
    Baby at supper time.
    When baby is on a bagel you can have babies anytime!!

  • Eliza

    How can I atheify the place?

    Hemant, once you move in, the place will have been “atheified”! No further ceremony or markers required!

    Books are good. You probably have a bunch. Make sure yours is prominently displayed in the living room. :)

    No cat required. A dog is an excellent companion if you’re so inclined, & your place (and work schedule) so allows. Dogs are also very helpful at making sure those little scraps of flesh all get eaten up. Or, no pet if you want to really stay footloose & fancy free.

    For some reason, I’m a bit hesitant to hang the 2009 Skepdudes calendar in my bedroom.

    I think it may give off the wrong impression…

    Well, that depends on what impression you want to give now, doesn’t it…? An atheist boyfriend, now that could really throw any nosy Christian neighbors into a tizzy.

    P.S. Cute food photo!

  • Matt

    jtradke said,
    …

    Also you’ll need carving tools, a candle-making kit, etc. – I mean, you’re going to make use of every part of the babies, right? To do otherwise would be immoral!

    Baby tallow makes the *best* candles!!!1!

  • Gullwatcher

    Every nonbeliever’s home that I’ve ever been in seems to feature the following:
    - a small library of books on all subjects;
    - houseplants vigorous enough to acquire personalities of their own; and
    - one or more cats.

    My cats ate all the houseplants and some of the books. It’s really hard to be an atheist sometimes.

  • http://www.camp-quest.org Amanda

    I think you need this cake for your apartment-warming party.