I Want These Games

I’ve been in my new apartment for about a week now. Still working on that whole “furniture” thing. And the other day, I did battle with a ginormous dragonfly. (It was winning for a good 15 minutes, but I eventually triumphed.)

But I found something I want more than a couch and chairs and insect repellent:

Guitar Praise!

Grab the guitar and play along with top Christian bands! Shred those riffs or blast the bass… you add a unique sound to the solid Christian rock. But watch out: if you can’t keep up, the artists will take a break and stop the music. Crank it up and try again — you’ll soon be rockin’ with the best while praising the Lord! Order the second guitar and jam with a friend!

They’ll “stop the music”?

That’s hardcore right there.

I wonder what other features it’ll have. Maybe the software doesn’t start up on Sunday mornings…

In true third-rate Christian-product fashion, the game isn’t even something you are meant to play on a TV. It’s for your computer.

So grab a friend and rock out on your desktop.

But even if that game falls flat, this one will surely make up for it:

Dance Praise 2 — the ReMix!

Also for your computer…

Turn Your Computer into a Dance Arcade with Top Christian Hits! Get ready for hours of family fun with music worth listening to! Simply plug in the interactive dance pad into the USB port of your computer and start movin’ and groovin’ to over 50 Christian songs from your favorite artists!

You can even grab nine of your friends and buy a Dance Praise Party pack for only $2495.00.

I didn’t realize there was anything wrong (or non-Christian) with Dance Dance Revolution, but clearly, I was mistaken.

Someone come visit me and bring the Christian games over. We’ll party it up!

(via Boing Boing)

  • Don Pope

    How Lame!

    One more way it sucks to be raised by fundies.

  • http://blargen.com/blog/ postsimian

    Wow, that’s basically the worst thing ever.

  • TheDeadEye

    Can you imagine the sad sad Christmas mornings to be had with those.

  • Jen

    Surely someone else here has ready Rapture Ready!? Its a look at Christian pop culture. One of the chapters is on Christian raves, where you aren’t allowed to dance for the flesh, and everyone is on the drug of Jesus! Hilarious. Thats what this reminds me of.

  • Andrew C.

    I’m crossing my fingers for Slow Train Coming to be one of the available albums.

  • Seth C.

    Damn…

    What’s next? Christian Rockband?

  • http://madmansparadise.blogspot.com Asylum Seeker

    I am looking forward to the Christian version of World of Warcraft. There will be much lulz that day.

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  • http://www.otmatheist.com/ hoverFrog

    Wow, religion really does sell.

  • http://www.atheistnexus.org/profile/TimSweitzer Tim Sweitzer

    My best friend, who is a Christian will probably want this. She loved playing Guitar Hero with me. Said she wished there was a Christian version.

    Now lets all just hope the other version she was hoping for doesn’t come true.

    Guitar Hero: Mariah Carey

  • Michael

    What!? No PrayStation 3 version?

  • j swift

    Oh yeah, take care of that whole “avoiding worldly things” admonition, just slap Christian jargon on it and hey, you are good to go.

  • http://blargen.com/blog/ postsimian

    “What!? No PrayStation 3 version?”

    This made me lol.

  • SarahH

    I am looking forward to the Christian version of World of Warcraft. There will be much lulz that day.

    Hmmm, it’d probably be pretty crappy, given that they’d spend six days making it and then not change anything ever. No evolutionary patches for them!

    Seriously though, there’s a Christian guild on the server we play on. So much for Elune and the Naaru…

    /geek

  • http://thefeeblelance.net Hess

    Don’t forget about christian real-time strategy fun with Left Behind: Eternal Forces.

    I’ve been hunting for a dirt-cheap copy of that one at used book shops and such for a while now, no luck as yet.

  • ash

    Hemant – you killed a DRAGONFLY? one of those pretty shiny things with 2 sets of wings that generally accumulate near large bodies of water? i’m ashamed of you, but holding out hope you actually meant one of those ugly ol’ daddy long legs/Craneflys instead…

  • http://jbrtva.blogspot.com Jess

    I agree that those games are lame…sad thing is, most middle school youth group kids will have them because their parents wanted to buy them something “fun” at the local Christian book store.

    And Hemant, I feel your pain on the no furniture thing…right now I’m sitting on a blanket in my “family room” and sleeping on an air mattress. :-) My battle is with field crickets, though, not dragonflies. ;-)

  • Jesse

    In true third-rate Christian-product fashion, the game isn’t even something you are meant to play on a TV. It’s for your computer.

    Oh yes, because PC gaming is a byproduct of third rate Christian creations. I guess I’ll just throw away my video card and sell my copy of pc orange box. Curses, the things one must do to be an atheist!

  • http:/metroblog.blogspot.com Metro

    O FSM …

    I don’t find anything here quite as troubling as the assertion that there are “top Christian bands!”

    “You’ll be rockin’ to the best while praising the Lord!” Uh … can anybody qualify “the best”? I mean, how many Christian bands actually make any hits at all?

    Can you name one besides Jars Of Clay?

    “Over 50 Christian songs from your favourite artists.”

    Hang on–don’t they know how many songs there are, exactly? Just curious.

    My favourite artists include the Tragically Hip, Judas Priest, and The Doors. None of whom, to my knowledge, ever made a Christian hit. Although I suppose Priest probably comes close.

  • http://www.queervoice.net/zcbyrnes Zach

    I was just having a discussion today with my friend, about how the religious right doesn’t have a culture of their own so they have to steal secular culture and just mix Jesus in with it.

    Christianity has just become another brand name.