How to Embarrass Yourself at the Apple Store

It’s a long process that begins in 2004.

It ends in my brown face somehow turning very red and my normally fluent speech turning into stutters.

I’ll walk you through the steps.

  • Purchase your first iPod years ago.
  • Realize you have to enter a name for your iPod when you register it.
  • While thinking of names for your first iPod, try to come up with something else that is also attractive, attached to you at all times, and essentially lives inside your pants.
  • Name your first iPod Jennifer Garner. Consider it a personal inside joke that no one will ever know about.
  • A couple years later, buy a new iPod.
  • When thinking of names for your second iPod (with video!), try to come up with something else that is unavoidable, makes others feel inferior, and will one day be the subject of laughter because we’ll remember how cool we once thought it was.
  • Name your second iPod Kirk Cameron. Consider it a personal inside joke that on one will ever know about.
  • A couple years later, when your cellphone contract expires, buy an iPhone.
  • While thinking of names for your iPhone, try to come up with something else that you’re afraid to take out in public because you don’t want everyone pestering you about it, is a bit larger than previous models, and you will be stuck with for a couple of years whether you like it or not.
  • Plug your iPhone in your computer a week later and realize your computer won’t respond to it…
  • Walk into the nearest Apple Store to ask for help.
  • Get excited when an employee says he should be able to fix it and plugs your iPhone into a nearby computer.
  • Watch in horror as the employee moves his head closer to the iTunes screen, then slowly turns and stares at you…
  • Feel very awkward when the employee asks: “Umm… did you name your iPhone Bristol Palin?”


  • Per Hultqvist

    Lol, that was funny… :-) I guess i should have thought of a more interesting name than “My iPhone”…

  • http://www.myspace.com/staticmartyr Tim D.

    Zing!

  • Duke York

    LOL!

    Thank you. A good start to the day.

  • Varda

    You really do have a Palin obsession. There are places that you can go for help…obviously not the apple store though.

  • philosophia

    …oh dear. I have to say that the names were very creative, though ;)

  • http://agersomnia.blogspot.com Agersomnia

    Lol. :D

    And that’s still before she makes up her mind about the abortion? :P

  • http://mylongapostasy.blogspot.com ATL-Apostate

    *nice*

  • http://atheistblogger.com Adrian Hayter

    I would be embarrassed simply buying an iPhone. :P

  • http://happinessiseasy.livejournal.com Jim

    My first one was named Winslow, after the talking iPod from Questionable Content.

    My second one is called Winslow 2.

  • http://notreallyalice.wordpress.com Alice

    I don’t get why it’s awkward… it’s hilarious from where I’m sitting :)

  • David D.G.

    I know what you mean about embarrassing yourself at the apple store. I still haven’t lived down the time I asked to meet Granny Smith.

    ~David D.G.

  • http://www.sagansuniverse.blogspot.com Stacy

    Laughed out loud…..I hope Jennifer Garner is not too jeleous of Bristol Palin and her new found position in your pants!

  • Larry Huffman

    My only embarassment in the apple store would be that someone see me in one.

  • http://www.otmatheist.com hoverFrog

    Genius!

    I’d say that your embarrassment is well deserved.

  • http://www.evolvedrational.com Evolved Rationalist

    Once you admit to owning an iPhone, you automatically lose the game.

    Larry Huffman, I agree.

  • Skylar

    Hahahahha…priceless. You crack me up.

  • SarahH

    Oh, the ubiquitous Apple haters. Is there no demographic you don’t haunt?

    My husband’s computer is named Secular and our wireless network is named Humanist :-)

  • llewelly

    Hahaha!
    Privacy is a delusion.

  • http://otherwhirled.com Synthaetica

    my iPod touch is named “No Device Connected”, which was also quite the hoot at the Apple Store the other day….

  • D

    Great post, Hemant.

  • wwyoud

    Hemant, you should have told the clerk what you wrote here – brilliant!

  • sasha

    ROFL LOL! ah man thats the funniest thing i’ve heard in a long time!

  • spriggig

    Mine’s called “iPod”. The naming of inanimate objects should start and stop at ships.

  • http://www.secularstudents.org Lyz

    Ha, and I thought it was embarrassing when I idiotically tried to remove the “Do Not Remove – Alarm Will Sound” USB cable from the MacBook Air last night.

    Actually, wait. That was pretty embarrassing.

  • Tony

    Perhaps Sarah Palin adopted an iPod naming technique when naming her children. Hence she ended up with Bristol, Track, Trig, Tron, Dimple, Doolah and Wendigo.

  • Jeannette

    If you had gone to the apple store where Ryan works, he would have squealed with delight!


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