We planned and paid for everything ourselves so our families weren’t even involved in the process. The only complaint I recall about the lack of religion was from DH’s older sister. She was bothered it wasn’t going to be in a church & that we were using a judge instead of a minister of some sort. She ended up not attending (she lives out of state). If anyone else had any issues with our secular union, they kept them to themselves.

It’s your wedding and, if you’re lucky, the only one you have. Make it count and make it something that gives you joy every time you remember it. Forget pleasing others, it’s not their ceremony.

In general, Mom’s not a control freak at all. Religion’s the touchy subject with her, but she definitely does not try to dictate my life. She’s not as high-strung as my post might indicate — she’s actually a laid back person who is delighted that IP and I are getting married. She knows that the wedding and marriage will happen according to our desires, but couldn’t help herself in this instance. Moreover, my ire’s also directed at the event coordinator — why push for an answer when I had already said that our ceremony would be secular?

Anyway, just wanted to chime in because it’s wince-inducing to see such a sweet woman be called a control freak. Sure, the Catholic thing is a source of tension, but she will respect the decisions IP and I make. She loves us both to pieces and it shows. This was probably the first and last discussion on this topic in regards to the wedding.

For the first wedding, the judge supplied several completely secular readings, and my ex and I just picked the one we liked. The B&B owner supplied the same type of thing, and my husband and I went through and picked out the parts we liked and added things I found on the internet.

My family is a little disappointed that we’re not having a religious service. Most of my family doesn’t know I’m an atheist, but they know my fiance is not religious.

At this point, I think they’re just glad that I’m finally getting hitched, so that I wont be “living in sin” anymore.

His family are atheists.

She told me years later that she regretted the decision and would have come. But then, just this past weekend she refused to attend my sister’s lesbian wedding so who knows.

Neither of our families is religious, though my mother still identifies as Catholic. I think she probably came to terms with her three sons’ (and her husband’s) lack of belief quite some time ago. She’s really the only close family member who might have had any objection to a nonreligious wedding, but she was 100% on board the whole way.

My agnostic wife and I were married in a defunct church converted to a historical society building (The Old Church) in Portland, Oregon. It’s a beautiful location for any type of wedding, so long as you have no issues with a church building as a setting. The officiant, while an ordained nondenominational minister, was utterly responsive to our wishes. It was a fairly traditional ceremony, but with no religious content. My wife’s close friend from childhood read an original poem she composed just for us, and my father read Pablo Neruda’s Soneto 17 (my family’s Chilean). It was downright beautiful – objectively speaking, the best wedding I’d ever been to. And the reception following? An absolute blast.

I would recommend one thing: Resist the urge to write your vows yourself, unless you happen to be pretty damn good writers. I’ve been witness to too many people stumble over the delivery of poorly composed vows. In our case, it was a collaborative effort with our officiant, who had extensive experience in conducting all types of ceremonies. It might have been cooler if we had committed the vows to memory, but we were very happy with how it went.

Okay, enough with the rambling.