Reader Paul has been preparing his will and other legal documents just in case anything should happen to him.
He sent along his Memorial Preferences stating his final wishes.
For whatever reason, the religious folks in his family are none-too-happy about it…
I personally like sections 5 and 6(c):
Please notify [People to Notify] at the time of my death.
2. Funeral Home/Director:
Arrangements have not been made in advance for funeral services. Please contact the least financially burdensome funeral director or facility to complete my final arrangements.
3. Post-mortem Examination:
If it is elective, I prefer that there not be an autopsy performed on my body; it’s a rubber glove phobia, really.
4. Treatment of Body:
Once I am dead, I am dead and the body is irrelevant. I only ask to be treated with the dignity and honor deserving of a human.
5. Disposition of Remains:
I prefer that my remains be handled as follows: Cremation. Then spread my ashes either in the Atlantic Ocean or in a stream in the Appalachian Mountains. Put me in an urn and I will haunt you for making me into a mantelpiece.6. Services:
Following are my wishes concerning holding various kinds of services:
a. Funeral — Funerals or for the living. I only desire that my funeral is not of any religious nature and that no passages of the Bible be read or quoted or any religious songs be sung. I do not believe in or wish to be remembered in a religious sense.
b. Memorial Service — Only if the living desire.
c. Wake — Drink to memory. If when I pass I leave a legacy of fond remembrance, drink heartily to my memory and then go off and have a good shag. No better legacy could I leave.
d. Visitation: If the living desire to see an ash pile, so be it.
7. Flowers, Memorial Funds, Donations:
If remembering me stimulates the local floral trade, so be it. I like florists, nice people.
What do you think?
Would any of this even matter, since Paul would be gone, anyway?
I’d like for my body/organs to be donated. And the family can do whatever they’d like; it’s not like it would matter to me anymore.
Also, if you haven’t heard it yet, comedian David Cross offers an interesting (rated-R) take on death…