We Know Why Ted Haggard Had Gay Sex

Because he was abused in second grade.

No, really.

It all makes sense now…

I’m wondering why, if this is true, it took him two years to admit it.

I’m also wondering: would it really be that hard at this point in his life to come out and just say he’s gay?

If he did — and spoke out in defense of homosexuality and against the Christian treatment of gays — he could still be a hero to many people instead of being the fallen has-been that he has become.

My interview with Mike Jones, the male escort Haggard scandalized himself with, is here.

(Thanks to grazatt for the link!)

  • Daniel

    I’m not sure this is the sort of thing we should be snarky about. Maybe it happened, maybe not. Maybe he can’t come out about his sexuality because he is confused about it himself. Probably best just to leave it alone.

  • Richard Wade

    Once again the High Priest of Hypocrisy repeats the lie that homosexuality is instilled into innocent children by gay men. He cannot be honest and admit that he was born that way, because the Church of Being Superior to Others is founded on the myth that it’s a “lifestyle choice.” The only lifestyle choice that he ever made was to be a perpetual liar. He continues to deserve ridicule.

  • Larry Huffman

    Yes…Ted Haggard is the worst kind of hypocrite. He was obviously a hypocrite before…as is anyone who is secretly gay in the republican party (since the party actively campaigns against homosexual rights). And then, when it is discovered that he is gay…he tries to sluff it off, and still refuses to be considered what he obviously is. I had these thoughts…and in some ways it is very true.

    But you know…if we take a truly human approach to this, I am going to let Ted off the hook. You are gay Ted…and you should admit it. I am going to bet that in your family, being gay is just about as bad as anything they could imagine…and I am also betting (playing the odds here) that is the case because of religion. And, since I personally understand how someone can be totally dishonest with themselves and others while captive by such an illogical and preposterous set of beliefs, I understand why Ted has behaved as he has.

    But he needs to realize this, and grow. Ted Haggard, my friends, could end up being a hero of the gay movement when he finally does stand up…if he finally does stand up. And as a person who has left religion and it’s grasp…I understand that it can take time. He was disgraced publically in a manner that was terrible to him, considering his beliefes. I am sure he is shell shocked.

    I have a very good gay friend who taught me this. I am only stating a view that I developed after listening to him. When Ted was first found out, I was very vocal about it…thought my gay friend would join me. Instead he felt true pity and sympathy for Ted. he said that it must have really been torture being so right wing…so fundy…so republican and also to know you are gay. He pointed out that Ted is who is is for the same reason most gay people are who they are. And he has behaved how he has because of intolerant views brought about by religion which do not allow people to be who they are. My friend then asked me if I have always done the right thing, especially while still enthralled with christianity. hehe Touche. So Ted, I am rooting for you to step up, shed the disgraced republican skin and admit your dishonesty to the one group that will understand and embrace you (heheh…pardon the pun there…but I am being serious)…the gay community. Stop running from who you are. Instead, make who you are matter, and shine the light on the real culprit…the set of values that caused you to behave badly was not that you are gay…it is that you are religious, and ashamed of who you are because of religion.

  • Richard Wade

    Larry, your heart is big, and I admire you for your generosity, your compassion and your optimism. It would be wonderful and amazing if Ted took the courageous step that you describe, and for his sake I hope he does.

    However, I’m not going to bet any money on it.

    If he did shed his mantle of falsehood he might become a hero among the gay community, and at last he would not be stuck without a place to belong. To live a genuine life would be good for him personally.

    Larry, I know that you were focusing on Ted’s personal healing and not alluding to anything larger, so my following remarks are not in opposition to your statement, but are addressing another idea that might be coming up in others’ minds:

    If anyone is thinking that such a transformation would also be good for the status of gays in our society, think again. Ted would be preaching to the choir again, just a different choir. In order to be accepted, gay people don’t need to have their attitudes changed, the bigots in the straight community do, and Haggard would have very little if any effect on them. Once you are caught out as a habitual and professional liar, no matter what truths you tell you will always be suspect, you will always be vulnerable to discrediting by the lies you said in the past. The bigots whom he helped to foster would simply say that he had utterly betrayed them by going over fully to their enemies. They would point out the lies he told to them to dismiss the truths he said now, and they would use him as an example of the power of the gays’ evil influence.

    Ted Haggard personifies the tragedy of all American prejudice: Pain, waste and futility.

  • inc

    I also think we should moderate our snarkiness on this point. I think it’s quite possible that he still considers himself a straight man and ultimately prefers sex with women or at least the idea of sex with women. There is a spectrum of sexuality, not two boxes. Or even three. I don’t think we should be in the business of telling him who he is.

    That being said, this doesn’t mean that he should deny his actions or look for excuses. He should try to understand what was motivating him and what the behavior provided for him. Did it bring him pleasure? shame?

    Don’t worry – I’m not one of those “gays can be converted” types. That’s crap. But if you don’t know anything about sex addiction, it’s a hell of a thing. I suspect he has serious issues with sexual compulsion and doesn’t understand why he couldn’t stop doing something he allegedly found repulsive.

    The answer is probably WAY more complicated than: “He’s gay and should just admit it!”

  • Larry Huffman

    Richard,

    Actually, I completely agree with you. I was really talking about Ted personally, and then what it might mean to other gay people who are in the closet. Ted could point out how humiliating and difficult his ‘outting’ was and tell people it is much better to be honest about who we are up front. Being outted is always difficult, but in his case, who he allowed himself to become in light of his sexual tastes only made it far worse.

    But yes, you are very correct about the bigots who he has been sided with. They would react exactly as you describe I am thinking.

    And what I expect to happen is for him to keep blaming gay men in his past for subverting his young mind and poinsoning him…thus heaping more ridicule upon the gay community (again…the one place where even his dsihonesty would be understood and forgiven were he to sincerely open his eyes).

    And your last statement is so very accurate…and what made me feel sympathy rather than anger towards him…even though his actions warrant anger.

  • Richard Wade

    Larry, I am so glad you are a part of these on-going and wide-ranging conversations. I have grown so much from talking with people such as you. Thank you for reminding me that I can allow my sympathy to rise and my anger to be washed away.

  • Larry Huffman

    Richard,

    Well thank you very much. I will be very honest, though. I let my anger get away from me all of the time. On the night of and day after the election…and the passing of prop 8 here in Cali…I would not have been able to easily let my sympathy rise above my anger on this issue. If I had thought of Ted at that time, I would have certainly cursed him, or at least what he represents.

    And your comments and thoughts are also very enlightening to me. It is great that we all have a place where we can discuss issues that are not normal fare in our day to day lives…and yet are as important as these are to us. Thanks Hemant! hehe.

  • http://conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

    Richard Wade wrote:

    Once again the High Priest of Hypocrisy repeats the lie that homosexuality is instilled into innocent children by gay men.

    Just to be clear – someone who sexually abuses a 7 year old is a pedophile, not a gay man.

  • sam

    ted haggard is completely heterosexual

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmHC75FDqQ

  • http://conversationattheedge.com/ Helen

    I don’t think we are certain enough about sexuality to rule out a link between being abused as a seven year old and adult desires for ‘forbidden’ sex.

    And Ted not bringing up the abuse for two years doesn’t prove it’s a lie.

    As long as Ted believes same-sex attraction is sinful he is not going to make it his identity and call himself ‘gay’. The furthest he will go is saying that he continues to struggle with same-sex attraction (if he does). He won’t say it’s normative or ok or who he is.

    Anyway who knows what he will believe and be saying a few more years down the road. Only time will tell. Conservative Christians do sometimes come out as gay.

  • http://brentcliffe.blogspot.com Alex

    All of Ted’s apologies are about the shame he brought to his family, etc., because of his sex issues. He should apologize first and foremost for his hypocritical bullshit. Come on: going around trash-talking gays while consorting with a gay prostitute reaches a level of mendacity that boggles the mind. And even if his allegation of being sexually abused is true, that explains only his sexual identity crisis, not his hypocrisy.

  • http://newref.blogspot.com/ James

    I really had high hopes for Haggard once it came out that he was homosexual. I thought perhaps he, like gay Bishop Gene Robinson, would embrace who he is and say “I am a gay man, and I love God, and God loves me.” Instead he blames a childhood incident and tries to convince himself that he can be “cured.” I really feel bad for him, because for the rest of his life he’ll fight against the sexual orientation that he was born with while living in a sham marriage. He’s the victim of a world obsessed with the oppression of things it can’t and doesn’t want to understand.

  • Richard Wade

    Helen,

    Just to be clear – someone who sexually abuses a 7 year old is a pedophile, not a gay man.

    Yes, that is correct, and I’m glad you pointed out that distinction. It doesn’t however change in any way the falsehood that Haggard is perpetuating. He and his ilk don’t bother themselves with unimportant things like facts.

  • http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/ miller

    Blame everything on childhood traumatic experiences, eh? Very Freudian.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    sam Says:
    ted haggard is completely heterosexual
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmHC75FDqQ

    Now that is funny.
    Thanks for the link!
    I’m now a Roy Zimmerman fan.

  • http://talesofordinarygirl.blogspot.com/ Ordinary Girl

    It’s the same reason Jim Bakker gave in his book. It’s easy to play the victim and further try to stamp in the image of homosexuals as pedophiles when you want acceptance by your Christian peers.


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