She’s Not One of *Those* Christians

November 19, 2008 By Guest Contributor 11 Comments

A reminder that not all Christians are the same:

The Onion

I’m Not One Of Those ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ Christians

… I’m a normal Midwestern housewife. I believe in the basic teachings of the Bible and the church. Divorce is forbidden. A woman is to be an obedient subordinate to the male head of the household. If a man lieth down with another man, they shall be taken out and killed. Things everybody can agree on, like the miracle of glossolalia that occurred during Pentecost, when the Apostles were visited by the Holy Spirit, who took the form of cloven tongues of fire hovering just above their heads. You know, basic common sense stuff…

(Thanks to Aaron for the link!)

Filed Under: General 11 Comments
  • http://www.travisjmorgan.com/blog Travis Morgan

    When it comes down to it, all we want is to see every single member of the human race convert to our religion or else be condemned by a jealous and wrathful God to suffer an eternity of agony and torture in the Lake of Fire!

    Please tell me that was satire.

  • http://mattcbr.wordpress.com/ Matt

    It’s from The Onion so I would have to assume it is.

  • http://toomanytribbles.blogspot.com/ toomanytribbles

    oh… whew… saved by the onion favicon.

  • Richard Wade

    Satire is funny when it reflects actual reality. This isn’t funny, it’s just spiteful, straw man slander. I don’t see any positive purpose for this kind of bile. We don’t need to lower our standards for entertainment this far.

  • Jason

    Actually I think this may represent reality. Google Raani Starnes.

  • Tony Boling

    Forget Raani Starnes, google my family!

  • mikespeir

    Is she wearing makeup? Hypocrite!

  • http://aurorawalkingvacation.blogspot.com/ Paul

    No, Richard. Satire is frightening when it reflects actual reality as accurately as this.

  • http://noodleguy.wordpress.com noodleguy

    @Richard: How is it straw man slander when it reflects actual reality? How is it absurd when it is so close to the truth that people can’t tell if it is satire without the Onion logo sitting there?

    You’re right, we don’t need to lower our standards. The actual fundamentalists hold views just as absurd, we don’t need to make up fake ones. There’s plenty of comedy material out there already.

  • Dustin

    I’m surprised this made it into the Onion since it’s appears to accurately reflect the beliefs of 5-10% of Americans. It’s just that most of those individuals are not articulate enough to summarize their beliefs in such a tidy and all-encompassing manner. If they are, they generally are fluent enough at using code to prevent looking silly to the untrained ear.

    I’m sure this will be funny to a large portion of the Onion’s audience, the part that doesn’t spend most of their time thinking about religion. Fundamentalists usually don’t read the Onion and will probably never see it. Then there are most of us are, either desensitized to this rhetoric and find satire of it pointless or painfully aware of the battle against anti-intellecutalism and are sick of the building of conter-productive straw men.

  • http://feministblogproject.wordpress.com Allyson

    I LOL’d when I saw this. Definitely the highlight of my lunch break! Well, that and my Chipotle burrito.