This year we didn’t get together with either side. We opted to stay in town and volunteer delivering free meals around town. We cooked a mini Thanksgiving for her folks and brother last night.

One of my sisters, after having 2 kids, started attending church a few years ago. It is some watered-down liberal church.

As everyone was sitting down at the table, the same sister pipes up, “everyone hold hands and let’s say grace.” A sister-in-law audibly laughs out, “grace? really?” My mom quickly covered by going around the table and everyone saying something about which they feel thankful. I think everyone (including me) pretended not to hear my sister.

But, my mother hardly ate anything. So it seemed to be so much work for nothing. So my husband and I looked for an open restuarant —-we found only one.

Yesterday, my mother didn’t pray at Denny’s.

I have come out of the atheist closet with most of my friends, but I’ve never discussed it with relatives. I figure no use upsetting my mother at age 94. I will probably completely leave the closet after my mother dies.

i did not read what was written on my random shirt, however:

“Rebel of Faith”

it’s a cool-looking t. a slim-you-down black, painted with those ruby-red heretic words. problem is, the ruby red caught everyone’s eyes. first was my dear 80-year old mormon grandmother. her eyes were better than i had imagined: “rebel of faith?”, she inquired.

“yes, it means rebel FOR faith”. i quickly responded. i was lying, and i was proud of my apostasy, but not to my grandma. not when she has lived a long life FOR faith. so deep was her belief in her holy fairy tale for all of these years that the very neurons and connections in her mind can never again be unwoven. critical thinking and skepticism will not squeeze through the plaque and cholesterol polluting her mind’s neural tubes.

it’s over. SHE’s almost over. i say go with the flow. leave her happy. let her leave happy. when i noticed i had an extra shirt in the car, i changed it for her. and by the look on my mom’s face, i could see she felt relieved as well.

it was just a random shirt from my closet, without any agenda meant by me. i am proud of my heresy, and proud to be a “rebel of faith”, but thanksgiving this year was of a much higher quality leaving religion aside and focusing on family.

As my husband put it today, for all the annoyance that my in-laws heap upon me, at least the whole crew is atheist/agnostic.

We had a very nice, entirely secular, celebration.

There was one year in which my grandfather on my step-mother’s side (who are all devout Catholics) decided to be an instigator and try to get me to say grace. I refused, and so he felt the need to call on me to say grace for any subsequent meal at their home after that. It caused quite the bit of distress in the family. and I intentionally stopped visiting when he was home (there were other reasons as well).

My family has taken my beliefs and that of my soon-to-be husband with great stride. Although there are times where they make outright attacks on us. Such as one year my parents gave me a Tibetan Silk prayer scroll for Christmas, but later that day at dinner told me that I needed to let god more into my life. Oh well. Maybe one day they will understand .

Peace to you all!

At another recent event, the local marines asked us to join them for the Marine Corps birthday, so we went and they had the typical chaplain do his thing. Again, when he said “Let us pray” my group decided to look straight ahead and I am sure that a couple of us, including myself, tilted our chins up just a bit in silent protest.

I didn’t get to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family this year, but I was able to convey my thanks for their support via email and phone and that is what matters to me.

Luckily, both my wife’s family and mine all know that we are atheists and for the most part, it has gone well. In one case, it has gone so far that my aunt wouldn’t talk to us for a while–She stopped talking to us when we told her that we didn’t like receiving religious gifts for our children. Luckily, she decided that she would rather have us in her life as atheists than not at all.

Adam

*I say ‘ambush’ but a) I expected and was prepared for it, and b) they weren’t accusatory or confrontational. I take it as a good sign that they decided not to let the extended family back me into a corner.