My atheist father married my Catholic mother and agreed to raise the kids Catholic, but he knew what he was getting into. He decided that my mom’s moderate conservative Catholicism, although delusional, had enough secular values in common with his own that he could live with it. She made (and still makes) a great wife and mother to his kids. He always kept his bargain 100%; he never pretended to be religious, but he never spoke against religion and we were all raised Catholic. Then, when we turned teen in the ’70s, all of us in turn made up our own minds and became atheists or agnostics like our dad.

I followed my dad’s footsteps and married a Catholic. I decided my wife’s liberal post-Vatican Catholicism, although delusional, had enough secular values in common with my own that I could live with it. She’s a great wife and mother. I would have kept my bargain on childraising but my wife let me off the hook – the more we talked the clearer it became that she, like many North American Catholics, was actually a deist heretic. She, not I, suggested UU so we could both take the kids to church, and the 4 of us have been happy UUs ever since.

“thinking her beliefs are stupid is only dooming the relationship to fail.”

Well, I’m an atheist married to an otherwise smart Catholic woman. I think her beliefs are stupid and she knows it, but we have been happily married for 16 years. I don’t try to de-convert her and she doesn’t try to convert me.

The family is a lot more of a factor here.
If they are dead-set on making your life miserable and if she will allow them to do it, then the relationship won’t work.

Fortunately for me, my in-laws are very nice people who respect our ideological differences.

Diversion.
Your 2nd sentence doesn’t change a thing.

It does, but it seems you are simply unable to understand it. Not that it asks too much of you, it’s rather simple.

You chose to ignore the second sentence to pull this crap, interesting.

Diversion.
Your 2nd sentence doesn’t change a thing.

False dilemma. Did I hit a nerve?

You chose to ignore the second sentence to pull this crap, interesting.

Art,

She felt that I was pushing my beliefs on them.

They get baptized, exposed to religion, go to church camp, but you’re the one forcing your views on them? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, religious people can be very self-centred and arrogant, they think that their views are the “default” and anything different has been forced on other people. Nevermind that people are born without belief in gods, a.k.a atheists.

Steve,

I did write that I wasn’t interested in a “hokey” ceremony and that I thought her views on religion made her delusional and maybe I should have tamed that down a bit. Although I do think that anyone that believes in a young earth, Noah and the ark, water to wine, etc. is delusional, it doesn’t mean I don’t love and respect her. She has just been raised this way.

Because delusions and delusional are terms used by psychology, as well as in “diagnosis” of mental health in psychiatry, people tend to get upset about it. In a general sense it’s a persistant false belief held despite strong contradictory evidence. God (a supernatural creator), the great flood, a young earth can be included in that definition.

With that being said though, the one main issue I take with her parents and if pried out of my girlfriend herself, am that they think I’m somehow “lost” or that I’m damned to hell. I find that very arrogant and demeaning and it has really become a pressing issue because I have heard all of her family, with her being the lone exception, talking about how people they knew were lost and damned.

If she really thought you were “lost” why would she marry you? I think you should suck it up and ignore it unless her family start invading your personal space and harassing you. Try to avoid the issue. You’d be lucky to find in-laws that are anything like you.

With that being said though, the one main issue I take with her parents and if pried out of my girlfriend herself, am that they think I’m somehow “lost” or that I’m damned to hell.

You will just have to deal with it because they aren’t going to change their minds about it. I felt the same way in my angry atheist phase. I have come to the conclusion that if you don’t believe in hell, then who the hell cares if they think you are going there.

Some in my family believe the same about me and my husband. I just feel sorry that people I love have so much stress in their lives over something made up and I tell them this in a sincerely empathetic tone. My sis tells me she worries daily about me going to hell and I tell her “I am so sorry you have to carry that burdensome belief” and then I go about my day without giving it another thought while she wastes hours on her knees.

Because if they find out after, and she is forced to choose between him and them (because likely her family will force her) it will be that much more annoying if she chooses her family over him. At least if he tells them now, and she chooses them, he knows what’s up.

If you haven’t already figured it out, she is very liberal. We are living together (although I still don’t think her parents know this) and we completely enjoy each others company. We share many common interests and really disagree on this one, although large, subject.

We both have children from previous marriages that live quite a distance away from us and they are all older children and I have even raised a free-thinking 18 year old. So children will not be an issue.

I did write that I wasn’t interested in a “hokey” ceremony and that I thought her views on religion made her delusional and maybe I should have tamed that down a bit. Although I do think that anyone that believes in a young earth, Noah and the ark, water to wine, etc. is delusional, it doesn’t mean I don’t love and respect her. She has just been raised this way.

Her family live several hours from us, so maybe my wanting my position known may be more of an “I’m an atheist, hear me roar!” stance. May or not be in the best interest of the relationship.

With that being said though, the one main issue I take with her parents and if pried out of my girlfriend herself, am that they think I’m somehow “lost” or that I’m damned to hell. I find that very arrogant and demeaning and it has really become a pressing issue because I have heard all of her family, with her being the lone exception, talking about how people they knew were lost and damned.

Thanks for posting my questions and again, thanks for the responses.