What Are Your 2009 Predictions?

December 25, 2008 By Guest Contributor 19 Comments

What do you think will be happening in the new year?

Take a shot at a prediction.

You can’t be any worse than the self-proclaimed professionals:

predictionfail


Filed Under: General 19 Comments
  • http://atheophobia.blogspot.com/ Tufty

    That everyone will learn to get on with one another, atheophobia and all other forms of bigotry will cease to exist, and the world will become a happier place.

    Or maybe not. It’s worth a try, though.

  • Richard Wade

    Tufty, I hope you are correct. I wish us all the best at even approaching your prediction. At least we can eliminate whatever bigotry lingers in our own minds.

  • nick

    the world will get even more screwed up because no one wants to risk what they have NOW to make TOMORROW better

  • http://blueollie.wordpress.com ollie

    1. The Obama administration will make modest progress on the economy and on the war.

    2. The right wing will try to coopt credit; the left wing will whine and call him a sell out.

    3. I won’t be offered a job in the MIT mathematics department. :)

  • http://skepchick.org/teen/ Elles

    Carrots will become the NEW Atheist’s nightmare.

  • Dan

    People will continue to be bigoted, stupid, and act primarily out of fear.

    Pretty safe prediction for ANY year.

  • llewelly

    Carrots will become the NEW Atheist’s nightmare.

    b-b-b but carrots are one of my favorite snacks!
    Will god curse me with carrto-phobia just for being an atheist? What a cruel god. As seen in Job.

  • Rat Bastard

    There are going to be an appallingly large number of attempts on the president-elect’s life. I do not approve, I just realize what a nutzoid place the US is. It has to be said, and I’ll probably have the US Secret Service on my doorstep for it. What a headache they are going to have! I sure wish the citizens of the US would just GROW UP. The guy in my carpool voted yes on Prop 8. He said, “The people have spoken!”. I pointed out that the State Supreme Court would strike it down on civil rights grounds. He piped down. He doesn’t know I’m an atheist, yet. An outing of my lack of religious belief would cost me about $150 a month (I commute a long way) just in gasoline. I’ll pay it- truth is served, end of story.

  • Tao Jones

    1. Drought hits a large region.. perhaps in China or India and many thousands die. Western world responds by shipping food to affected regions. Aid is compared to the Berlin air lifts and international media show response as proof that the “Obama era” has truly begun.

    2. Speaking of Obama, his popularity remains steady. The optimism created with Obama in power buoys the economy but the fundamentals remain weak as nothing really changes. While I’ve said before Obama will ultimately be assassinated, it won’t happen this year.

    3. It will be discovered that another one of our major food crops is in great danger of extinction. There is little media coverage save for a feature story in Scientific American outlining the “great” work being done by geneticists to create better cultivars.

    4. A huge forest fire in California will claim a somewhat major celebrity’s home. The media will rally behind the celebrity and call for more restrictive management of the forests.

  • Shane

    - the US dollar will tank along with its “superpower” status–I think we’re entering a new era of history. Maybe Russia, China, and/or India will emerge as more important players.
    - The world economy will remain in a depression (until at least 2010). We’re only 1/3 to 1/2 through unraveling all the bad debt/ponzi schemes.

    - People will be disappointed with Obama. There is too much inertia against him right now to “change” much. There’s going to be no instant prosperity. He’ll spend the first two years of his presidency cleaning up the nice, toasty shit sandwich that someone left him—and we’re all gonna have to take a bite.

  • Zar

    By the end of 2009, Rick Warren will be caught with another man’s penis in his mouth.

  • http://brentcliffe.blogspot.com Alex

    1. The Pope is going to say something incredibly stupid.

    2. Keith Olbermann will excoriate Bill O’Reilly, who will deserve it.

    3. Ann Coulter will publish a screed against liberals.

    4. Muslims will take to the streets somewhere because they are offended.

    5. Italians will venerate the rotting remains of a saint.

    6. The Pope is going to say something even more stupid.

    7. At least one evangelical American politician will opine that teaching the controversy should include teaching the geocentric word view.

    8. Fundamentalists will continue to say the darnest things.

    9. Ray Comfort will continue to be unable to understand that there is something wrong with quote mining or begging the question.

    10. Some unsavory facts about the Bush administration will be revealed.

    11. The war on terror will not be won.

    12. The war on drugs will not be won.

  • Richard Wade

    Liberty University will file for bankruptcy. It will be revealed that the University Chancellor, Jerry Falwell Jr. embezzled hundreds of millions of dollars in a scheme to start a chain of Christian-themed fast food restaurants called “Bible Belt Burgers” scattered from Virginia through Kentucky to Tennessee.

    Richard Dawkins will publish another book, “Atheist Ascendant.”

    Sam Harris will publish another book, “I’ll Kick Your Ass!”

    Hemant will accept that creepy offer to live with a Christian family for the summer for $10,000. He will be drawn into a two-month-long terrifying ordeal in a secret psychotic cult and will narrowly escape with his life with the help of a young and beautiful co-ed from the University of Illinois. Shortly after that they will become engaged. Three years later he and his wife will write a book about it and make a lot more than ten grand. Years after that, a suspense thriller will be filmed based on the book, and the part of Hemant will be played by a young actor who is the son of vocalist Paul Sabu and grandson of actor Sabu Dastagir. (The Thief of Baghdad, 1940)

    Fred Phelps will accidentally step in front of a garbage truck while leading another disruptive protest at the funeral of an Iraq War veteran and will be impaled by his own bullhorn up his ass. The whole thing will be videotaped and viewed on YouTube more than 500,000,000 times.

    Paris Hilton will announce her candidacy for California Governor. She will not have decided what party. Maybe the Party Party.

    A South Korean geneticist will announce that he has cloned Elvis from a hair found in his karate gi at the Elvis Museum in Pigeon Forge, TN.

    Continuing his policy of inclusiveness in his administration, President Obama will appoint Joe the Plumber as Ambassador to Antarctica. He’ll accept the position, figurin’ it’ll give him some experience fer runnin’ fer Vice President with Sarah Palin who’ll be runnin’ fer President in 2012.

    As a lark, Daniel Dennet will pose as Santa Claus at a Christian school in his home town of Andover, MA. Parents will be infuriated when they find out.

    Rick Warren will tip the scales at 429 pounds. He will write a book, “God’s Plan for Your Weight Loss.” It will not sell as well as his other books.

    Pat Robertson will finally choke on his own foot. His spin doctors will not be able to revive him.

  • http://brentcliffe.blogspot.com Alex

    Richard Wade said:
    …
    Pat Robertson will finally choke on his own foot. His spin doctors will not be able to revive him.

    Is it wrong that contemplating the mere possibility of that makes me more optimistic about the upcoming year?

  • mikespeir

    I predict I won’t make any. Haven’t missed yet!

  • http://www.slightlysouthofsane.com Tony Miller

    There will be a terrorist attack on the US.

    Prop 8 will be over turned and that will, in turn, also be over turned.

    Obama will say something incredibly stupid. I like the guy and I voted for the guy but he’s only human. I hope it’s entertaining.

    A muslim country will threaten Israel.

    Israel will threaten a muslim country.

    Jesus will return but because there are no passports from heaven to the US he will promptly be deported to Mexico.

    Many people will be Rick Rolled.

  • bernarda

    Shit will happen. Obama’s appointments are a mixed-bag.

  • http://localhost/ Troll

    Well, no one’s said it… so I will:

    2009 will be the year of Linux on the Desktop

  • http://hoverfrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    I got 0 for 5 this year and predict a similar number for next year.

    1. Sticking to American politics I’m going to go for an assassination attempt against the President. His first year in office and a new face always upsets a few loonies. This may be too easy as there were whisperings of nutters coming out of the woodwork from the minute he put his hat in the election. I’m going out on a limb here and I’m going to suggest that the assassination fails miserably and improves the public perception of Barack Obama due to his level headed handling of the event.

    2. Banks will continue to be greedy, irresponsible buggers. Now that they know that the government will bail them out when they make costly mistakes they will stop caring about risk and invest in all sorts of hare-brained schemes while throwing away confidential information or leaving it down the pub. Something stupid like that. The FSA will fail to make a difference.

    3. I have a particular dislike of the BNP as a bunch of racist loudmouthed twats. I therefore predict see some serious legal ramifications for some hate mongering by the BNP. Perhaps a senior policeman gets sacked or a court case challenges them in a publicly embarrassing way. I don’t want to get too specific because that’s not how predictions work. The words BNP, legal, and funny will certainly be involved though.

    4. Setting aside politics and steering clear of religion (for a change) I focus prediction number four directly on the mystical configurations of the cult of celebrity. A footballer’s wife, perhaps one who sings a bit, will be exposed in the press as being a bit unfaithful. The popular press will use such choice and sensitive phrases as “slapper” and “love cheat” and I fully expect Richard Littlejohn’s head to explode with glee. As a private matter I will fail miserably to have an opinion but the constant chatter about two people who I’ve never heard of will annoy me and I’ll be forced to blog about it.

    5. No prediction would be complete with a little popular news, Zimbabwe in this case. The country will continue to deteriorate and nobody will do anything about it. Not a thing. There will be plenty of talk though.