Common causes of atheism: Is there a cure?

*cue sarcasm*

needle

I had a great deal of fun on conservapedia.com today. And, I learned a lot! I discovered that what I have, this “atheism,” actually has several causes. To my dismay, though, there doesn’t seem to be a cure. Let’s go through the list, shall we?

The first noted cause is “Moral Depravity.” Although there is no cure for this, it seems I can blame Darwin, and others since him, who used deceit “in a major way to propagate atheism.” So, you see, it’s not my fault that I am “certainly the most despicable and the most miserable animal under the sun,” as some guy named Matthew Henry suggests. (A funny side note is that the person who wrote this bit went on to quote from the Bible. Apparently, I have been paying attention to the wrong deceit.)

Next, I want to point out that my atheism is due to “Superficiality.” After all, I have given in to the “peer” pressure of those who came before me spreading their lies, so it only makes sense that I would continue in the same way. I have no strongly held conviction, I cannot resist… I am just a lemming. (Wait, isn’t that what atheists say about theists? This is getting confusing.)

I would also like you to know that I am in “Error.” I either do not have the mental capacity or do not exercise my ability “to fairly and judiciously consider the facts.” It seems that the time I spent reading and studying the Bible (which, of course, is from whence fact comes) was a complete waste of time because I didn’t do so with fairness and judiciousness.

I lament that I had a “poor relationship with [my] father” because I am sure that is a huge contributor to why I am an atheist. (But, wait… I didn’t have a poor relationship with my father.)

I can also blame my affliction, you know … the atheism, on all of the “negative experiences with theists” I have had. There was this one time that… um, nope… wait… there was that…. I can’t think of anything now, but I will get back to you.

doctor

And finally, the pinnacle of reasons behind my atheism is, of course, “Scientism.” But wait… it is touted on the Conservapedia Web site as a “new God.” Wouldn’t that make science a deity? I don’t hold a belief in deities, yet I “believe” in science. Oh, my Science! That makes me a theist after all! (Now I’m really confused.)

Fortunately, I know several cures for theism.

*end sarcasm*

  • Shane

    Uh-oh. “Moral depravity”, “poor relationship with father”, and “superficiality” also cause something else: homosexuality.

    Oh, well, I guess I’ll just have to “choose” to turn gay now.

  • http://www.godispretend.net God is Pretend

    They left “reason”, “logic”, and “lack of evidence” off that list. Maybe someone should add those…

  • http://cupcakesandmace.com Ms Constantine

    “I am in “Error.”” Well that just makes the sign at work, made from the rearranged letters of merry xmas, even better:

    Max My Errs

  • Kayla

    Dear FSM, just reading through that site made my blood boil.

  • http://www.otmatheist.com hoverFrog

    According to the 1997 Federal Bureau of Prisons report, 0.21% of inmates were atheist. Given a general distribution of 6% to 15% of the American population is atheist this is a significantly lower percentage that you’d expect for a group that suffers from such “Moral Depravity“.

    I need help on the peer pressure idea. Don’t peers exert pressure by virtue of their position of superior numbers or social inclusion? As the most “despicable and the most miserable animal under the sun” atheists necessarily are unable to exert any kind of peer pressure on the majority. They’d have been better off claiming a form of social rebellion.

    65.2% of the National Academy of Sciences (NAS) held to a disbelief in God, 79% in the physical sciences. Those dummies clearly don’t ‘have the mental capacity or do not exercise my ability “to fairly and judiciously consider the facts.”’

    Poor relationship with a father figure….hmm. Well we can’t all have dads like Abraham or God who willingly put us in a position of sacrifice to appease a tyrant. I guess I’ll just have to manage with rough edged old man who took me to football matches as a kid.

    As for “negative experiences with theists” I’ve found the majority to be quite polite and helpful but a few venomous trolls lurking among them. They’re just people like rest of us and any group will contain it’s share of arseholes.

    As for “Scientism” that’s just funny. Do they need a god so much that they’ll make one up to fit a group that rejects the idea of gods? Actually it’s not that funny, it’s quite sad really.

    That lady in the white coat looks like a dentist with her array of dental instruments and splash screen in front of her eyes. Is the cure for atheism through the teeth?

  • http://adventuresinmultiplicity.blogspot.com Heidi

    heh. just about all reasons sound like the same used against polyamory or open relationships, too.

  • mikespeir

    Why, Jeeezus is the cure!

  • PrimeNumbers

    Just proves the one thing that can’t be cured is human stupidity.

  • jedipunk

    When I saw “atheism” in the title I read “autism.”

  • http://msatheists.org Oliver

    Peer pressure? Do you know who else was here in Mississippi to pressure me into becoming an atheist? NO ONE.

  • http://www.bernerbits.com Derek

    Uh-oh. “Moral depravity”, “poor relationship with father”, and “superficiality” also cause something else: homosexuality.

    Also, ADHD. O Noes! The world is doomed to be populated with gay hyperactive atheists!

  • http://www.unscrewingtheinscrutable.com Brent Rasmussen

    I call Poe on the whole of Conservapedia.

  • SarahH

    You’ve got to love the linked articles they mention, like “Atheism and Mass Murder” and “Atheism and Uncharitableness” etc.

    I wish I could honestly call Poe on the whole of Conservapedia, but instead I just ignore it and other sites like it. They’re written by (and frequented by) people who aren’t going to be interested in cooperation, honest discussion, or moving past differences to solve bigger problems, and so they’re people I’m not particularly interested in.

  • Lynx

    If you want more kicks, check out the article on evolution. You know it’s gonna be good when they’ve spliced a picture of Darwin and Hitler together (seriously). Dawkins is similarly portrayed, something that I bet he would find highly amusing.

  • Justin jm

    They left “reason”, “logic”, and “lack of evidence” off that list. Maybe someone should add those…

    The Conservapedians will accuse you of making stuff up. With no sense of irony, I add.

    I also noted use of the Courtier’s Reply in the linked article. They can’t allow their religion to be criticized or else it falls apart, despite their self-assuring bluster.

  • http://www.abandonallfear.co.uk Alex Fear

    So what do they prescribe as the cure anyway?

    For what it’s worth… I’m not an ideal moral candidate, have a poor (actually none) relationship with my father and plenty of negative experiences with theists (one simply has to attend church regularly)… guess that makes me an atheist?

  • sc0tt


    According to the 1997 Federal Bureau of Prisons report, 0.21% of inmates were atheist.

    Obviously the atheist criminals are better at not getting caught! Probably has something to do with their deceitful nature.

  • Erp

    I should point that there may be very good reasons not to admit to being an atheist in the US prison system even if one was. In addition rates of atheism tend to be lower in the less wealthy and the less educated who are also more likely to end up in prison (and not necessarily because they are more criminal).

  • http://hoverfrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    That’s a fair point Erp. Let’s compare crime rates between the predominantly Christian United States and predominantly secular nations instead.

    In 2004, there were 5.5 homicides for every 100,000 persons in the US. In Norway (71% atheist) there was 1 per 100,000, UK (about 60% atheist) was 1.4, France (33% atheist)was 1.6. Perhaps the answer is gun control rather than religiosity though but the correlation does seem to indicate that atheists commit less crime that theists. In France 70% of the prison population is Muslim. These are largely immigrants so the cultural implications probably have greater weight in criminality that religious ones…or perhaps the judiciary are harsher on immigrants.

    Perhaps, as sc0tt says, we are simply more devious in our crimes. Perhaps higher education and atheism are related ans higher education and lack of criminality are related. What this shows though is that theism, specifically Christianity does not make a person less likely to commit crimes. The variation at best makes atheist and theist equal in criminality which would be what I would expect.

  • Ryan

    PrimeNumbers said:

    Just proves the one thing that can’t be cured is human stupidity
    ————————————————————————————–

    Except a bullet to the head… But lets not go that far shall we? If there is one thing that is infinite in the universe its Human Stupidity.

  • PrimeNumbers

    I would never advocate killing the stupid. My only goal is to stop them killing others.

  • Nancy

    Derek – You made me laugh out loud!

  • Mriana

    That sounds like the dumbest conclusion concerning atheism. Not only that, it is so anti-intellectual that it’s not funny- scientism? Please! If anything, those on conservapedia need an education. Now should intellectuals be offended or start pushing education more?

  • Siamang

    scientism

    Because, all you’ve got to do is add “ism” to the end of a real word in order to claim it’s a religion.

    Myself? I subscribe to MeganFoxism.

    Bonus points: My god happens to exist.

  • Jeremy

    I love conservapedia. The article on kangaroos states that they were descended from the two on Noah’s ark, although there are other theories of their origin. These include that they were sung into existence in the aboriginal dream time, or even that evolution took place

  • stephanie

    Mriana says:

    That sounds like the dumbest conclusion concerning atheism. Not only that, it is so anti-intellectual that it’s not funny- scientism? Please! If anything, those on conservapedia need an education. Now should intellectuals be offended or start pushing education more?

    But Mriana, they have fabulous educations. They’re all homeschooled! ;D

  • Mark Plus

    “Moral depravity”? As in, “getting a lot of sex outside of marriage”?

    I wish theists would get their stereotypes about atheists straight. What about the claim that atheism attracts socially inept loners who can’t get laid?

    http://anepigone.blogspot.com/2008/12/religious-denominations-ranked-by.html

    BTW, I find it ironic that the same christians who preach abstinence before marriage have also started to ridicule single male atheists for our alleged inability to find sex partners.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    The Baptists I know will tell you that the number one cause of atheism is demonic possession. I know this because I heard my “Baptist small group” members say so. They were quite serious. These people are middle-class and normal in most ways except for their one delusion.

  • Jacques Volkeren

    Thank God, I’m atheist, even apatheist


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