Friendly Atheist Contest #39: Future Atheist Ads

Last time, I ran this contest:

The atheist bus ads are now in full force over in England.

It begs the question:

Where else will we be seeing ads about atheism in the future?

Here are the Top 5 answers (with submitters):


On milk cartons. (Hemant’s note: I assume they would say: “God is missing” or something like that.)

(Random Chimp)


The Pope’s hat.

It’s a perfect place for advertising space. And after losing all that money in child-abuse lawsuits, he has to make up the lost revenue somehow.

(Chris Morse)


Disclaimer on inside cover of Bibles (a la Cobb County): “This storybook contains material on ‘god’. ‘god’ is a theory, not a fact, regarding the nature of the universe. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.”



In the bedroom: “Don’t shout falsehoods while making love”



One word: Skywriting

(Bill M.)

Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

Barack Obama has taken a presidential oath without a Bible. He mentioned non-believers in his Inaugural Address.

In what way will President Obama reach out to atheists next?

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nicole

    With his hand. Preferably the hand would be holding a cheque, but a handshake or high-five would be good, too.

  • Susan B.

    He’ll join up with Kay Hagan and they’ll make a Blasphemy Challenge video together.

  • ubi dubius

    Not the way some priests reach out to their flock.

    I hope.

  • ubi dubius

    He keeps reaching out to me for $25, or just $10, or even just $5, to Help America Hope for Change. I suppose he’ll just keep doing that.

  • Ubi Dubium

    Fist bump with Richard Dawkins!

  • Barack Obama

    I will be seen wearing a “Friendly Atheist” bracelet in public. If I win.

  • Josh Pawlikowski

    ‘With his noodly appendage.’

    …at which point, he may be sued for sexual harassment.

  • Jeff

    He will declare Christian babies as the “other white meat”.

  • Epistaxis

    He’ll come out as one.

  • Diego

    Obama will tell the pope to fuck off.

    In a more presidential way.

  • Teleprompter

    With his right hand. With his left hand.

    With both hands for a better future of cooperation and progress.

  • Andre Pena

    President Obama will finally legalize baby eating.

  • Javier

    Government bailout for the shrinking baby market.

  • Eliza

    In what way will President Obama reach out to atheists next?

    Hopefully not in the Way of the Master…

  • Cannonball Jones

    I reckon he’ll reinforce the idea of separation of church and state by physically transplanting all churches, mosques and other places of worship to man-made floating prayer-barges in international waters off the coast of the United States.

    (Although to be honest I’d get more of a giggle out of Diego’s suggestion…)

  • Gunnar Øyro

    He will wear his yellow wristband, just as I am going to now! :))

  • hoverFrog

    He’ll start funding for dinosaur cloning so that he can have a deinonycus to ride round the White House on. In the interest of science of course.

    Joking aside, if not pandering the the religious right is reaching out to atheists then he shoudl just carry on as he is.

  • weaves

    Eating a baby.

  • HumanistDad

    Obama will be photographed reaching out to help an atheist, who tripped and fell, just at the point where their fingertips touch.

  • B-Rock

    Hey homies! Barack Obama here. How’s this for reaching out?

  • Paul

    Pete Stark gets reach-around on national TV.

  • Scotty B

    Ha! Skywriting, I like that one. I can see it now:


  • JTorch

    From behind.

  • postsimian

    In an effort to balance faith-based initiatives, becomes eligible for federal grants.

  • Doug Stewart

    Headline: President Obama promotes science and reaches out to non-believers by declaring February 12th, Darwin’s Birthday as ‘National Bitch Slap a Creationist Day’.

  • J Myers

    I’m afraid it won’t be quite as rosy as many of you depict… you think he’s closing Gitmo? He’s just making space….

  • Scott

    Burning crosses. Er, wait, that might not work…

  • Mr. Vorhias

    Hemant Mehta as head of the Food & Drug Administration.

  • Luther Weeks

    He will start one day without going to church.

  • Joe

    He’ll start signing into law some Reason Based Initiatives.

  • Allytude

    Yippee I won!

    He will hold a baby-barbecue.

  • Andrew

    Upon meeting the pope, Mr. President will reach out his hand for a handshake, and just as ol’ Ratzy reciprocates, Obama pulls his hand away and says “Psyche!”

  • Wes

    His administration’s position towards “faith-based initiatives” will be “abstinence only”.

  • Ann

    That’s not what “beg the question” means.

    (Sorry, I got nothin’ but my philosophy degree and my mad editing skillz.)

  • Jeb

    He’ll acknowledge that we don’t acknowledge the national motto “In God We Trust.” Unfortunately, since it’ll be hard to convince the rest of them to retract it, he’ll just issue a new line of currency for us that doesn’t bear the phrase. The different levels of currency will be depicted by different levels of evolved organisms, with the least evolved being on the smallest-value currency, and so forth. The one-cent piece will bear a semblance of an amoeba, while the depiction on the $10,000 bill will be for homo sapiens (bearing the semblance of Darwin, of course!). He’ll require all retailers to accept this new currency, and while they remain idly baffled, our private atheistic economy will soar.

  • J Myers

    …least evolved…

    If you’re referring to extant organisms (as you appear to be), then there’s no such thing; everything alive today is equally evolved.

  • Chelsea

    By publicly denying the existence of hell, satan and Dick Cheney. 😉

  • Clare

    Um, the atheist buses were not just in England but were launched ‘nationwide’. That is:

    A total of 200 bendy buses in London and 600 buses across England, Scotland and Wales will carry the slogan from today and tomorrow following a fundraising drive which raised more than £140,000.

    Please stop leaving out the rest of the UK. :(