Comments on: When Parents Become Atheists, What Should They Tell the Kids?

By: ChameleonDave

ChameleonDave — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 23:34:14 +0000

Millions of parents tell their kids that Father Christmas exists, and then after a few years make a U-turn and admit it’s not true. I don’t see why this should be so very much harder.

Being caught out in an untruth is always embarrassing and undermining, but continuing it would be worse.

By: efrique

efrique — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:06:48 +0000

Newly atheist parents – indeed, any parents – need to be understanding that their childrens beliefs will not perfectly match their own; and this goes doubly so when your beliefs are changing.

You need to be honest, but not necessarily greatly detailed. Don’t pretend your beliefs are something other than what they are, but it’s not necessary to give more detailed information than they’re ready for. Answer any questions in a straightforward manner, and give opportunity to ask questions.

Don’t present new beliefs as fact, and you need to be clear that different people believe different things from you, and that’s it’s fine for people to think you’re wrong.

Of course, most nonbelievers already pretty much do this all anyway.

By: Theo Bromine

Theo Bromine — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:12:19 +0000

Sorry to jolt you again, Hemant: I was raised vaguely Jewish, became an evangelical Christian at 15, then spent the subsequent 30 years getting progressively more liberal until I (and my spouse) ended up as an atheist, about 5 years ago. Even when Christians, both my spouse and I had a relatively skeptical approach to religion, and encouraged critical thinking for our kids. Since the (de-)conversion was so gradual, the kids (who were in their late teens at the time) appeared to take it in stride (perhaps even appreciated the fact that we had finally come to our senses .

By: Abbie

Abbie — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:23:22 +0000

I would follow Dawkins’ lead here: children are children. they are not atheist children, or christian/muslim/hindu children, they are children of an atheist or a christian or etc

Actually, they technically are atheist children until taught otherwise.

By: hoverFrog

hoverFrog — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:09:21 +0000

I would imagine that the children would have had some influence on their parent’s beliefs. We’re social animals and rarely act in isolation. My unwife became a vegetarian as a teen which influenced her mother to give up meat. A child’s wonder and curiosity could certainly influence a parent to reject the easy stock answers that religion often provides.

By: HumanistDad

HumanistDad — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 20:16:34 +0000

I don’t raise my children as atheists, I prefer to raise them as skeptics – and to be skeptical of religious claims.

By: Polly

Polly — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 19:07:52 +0000

Do they talk about how children might lose trust in the parents’ judgment? After all, if they were wrong about something so fundamental, there’s a sense where the kids might ask, “why should I listen to anything else you say?”

Here’s a jolt for ya’: I deconverted after 30.

But I’m in awe of anyone who becomes a vegetarian — and has to change their whole diet — after they’ve eaten meat for decades.

I became a pescatarian in my mid-20s but only for 2 years. Inever intended to do it forever. I can’t believe how easy it was to give up bacon, ribs and chicken nuggets!

By: Miko

Miko — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:31:04 +0000

If you were taking them to church/synagogue/mosque/etc. before, offer to continue. Just because you’ve become an atheist doesn’t mean that they have too.

By: mark

mark — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:16:02 +0000

Hey, Hemant!!

I just stumbled across a youtube video with you in it. You might have mentioned this video on your blog in the past but some of your new readers might enjoy seeing it for the first time

Its on youtube under the title:

The Creationist Museum – Part 1 – The Protesters

and you are there at 2 minutes and 45 seconds into the 8 minute video.

Here is the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxr6xzmDgxQ

By: sinistr

sinistr — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:31:49 +0000

Going back to 1971 when I was raising my 2 and 5 year old as a single male atheist parent I simply didn’t tell them much as I felt they would sort it out for themselves at the appropriate time. When they were a little older, at their own request, I did send them to local Christian churches so that they could get a Christian background. They were annoyed when the churches gave them Sunday envelopes to fill with money to return to the church. They learned a most important lesson… churches want your money. For any of their theistic questions, I answered giving different points of view. As adults my son became a born again Christian but not connected to any organized religion and my daughter followed no particular religion at all. Strange as it may sound but my son and I still have friendly long religious discussions fairly often. My daughter on the other hand also calls home just as often and we talk about everything except religion. What I did seemed to work for us. If I had to do it over I would probably have shared more of my atheism when they were younger.