This Will Scare Women Off of Sex Forever

April 7, 2009 By Guest Contributor 46 Comments

***Update***: joethehappyheretic says that this is satire and he has proof of it

…

This must be the Christians’ new method of getting women to remain abstinent. Forever…

I dare you to watch it with a straight face… Especially when the orange gives birth:

(via The Invisible Pink Unicorn — where more of this guy’s videos can be found…)

Filed Under: General, Humor 46 Comments
  • http://chaoskeptic.blogspot.com/ Iason Ouabache

    The way that he keeps mispronouncing “vaginal” really bugs me.

  • http://blaghag.blogspot.com/ Jennifurret

    No, this is just their method for getting us to not have sex with Christians =P

  • http://blaghag.blogspot.com/ Jennifurret

    Oh, awesome that women are allowed to masturbate, but not men. Sorry boys!

    And what is up with all this women are passive bullshit? How about girl on top? How about think of a woman enveloping a man, instead of a man penetrating a woman? Maybe vaginas aren’t designed for penises, but penises are designed for vaginas!

    …*brain explodes*

  • Eddie

    Tell me this is a parody of some sort, like an EdwardCurrent type thing! This actually too funny to be real, idk…

    I’m curious as to why he looked so strangely at the orange after he pulled the spoon out.

  • Eddie

    This guy probably gets about as much action as the Pope…

  • http://chaoskeptic.blogspot.com/ Iason Ouabache

    Also, I get the strong feeling that he has never even actually seen a vagina.

  • http://www.otmatheist.com hoverFrog

    What’s with the not licking thing? Is he rejecting all forms of oral sex?

    Bad man. Very bad man.

  • http://noadi.blogspot.com Noadi

    So exactly why do I have a clitoris then? Oh wait, I’m thinking this guy has no clue what it is.

    I feel bad for any woman this guy is with, good looks are not a substitute for competency in bed.

  • schism

    I’m fairly sure this guy is being satirical. He’s just really, really good.

    Granted, there’s been absolutely no way to discern religious stupidity from satire since…oh, Conservapedia’s founding. Still.

  • http://avertyoureye.blogspot.com/ Teleprompter

    I agree with schism.

    I am entirely confident that this is a parody.

  • charfles

    This guys videos have been all over the place lately. I’m calling poe.

    This one is a (indirect) response to this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Tx5DBWhDLk

  • http://www.myspace.com/deadjerusalem Brian’s A Wild Downer

    I give up. I can’t tell if it’s a joke or not.

  • Matthew

    Did you notice that at 3:54 he licks his thumb (the baby) after he pulls it out the orange, he must actually be an atheist.

  • Matthew

    He looked at his thumb like he was hungry all of a sudden.

  • http://msatheists.org Oliver

    It’s the Friendly Atheist Late Night Edition! Saucy!

    I’m listening. I can only giggle. He paints himself into a corner, leaps out, falls on his face, stands up and says “TA DA!”

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  • Rami Abulhusn

    Here’s Eve. Now go.. do that.

    Tears rolling down my face. Laughing so hard I can barely type.

    It has to be satire.. it just has to,

  • Dheak

    Jesusophile is definitely satire. Watch his video called “Why condoms don’t offer real protection from STDs” and this will become glaringly obvious. I think the guy’s hilarious, personally.

  • http://sisyphusfragment.wordpress.com Sisyphus Fragment

    I really hope this guy is an elaborate Poe. If not he is an idiot of huge proportions.

  • Vincent

    I vote with the Poes.

    Didn’t anyone else notice the “babies are delicious” moment?
    He pushes his thumb through the orange to imitate a baby, then sticks his thumb in his mouth for a moment to suck off the juice and gets this amazing look of appreciation. Tell me that was not a nod to eating babies.

  • Tracy

    It’s so hard to tell if it’s satire or not. I only made it though a few minutes of the video. I couldn’t take any more of his “vagInal” comments LOL!

  • Donnikko

    Assuming it was satire that was hilarious… If not well it’s really not any more crazy than any other religious reasoning.

  • http://www.noonespecial.ca/cacophony Tao Jones

    I guess I’m feeling cynical today because I’m thinking this is, unfortunately, real.

  • http://thebitchreport.blogspot.com/ Milena

    Come on, that’s gotta be a joke. No one can have so little self-awareness that he’d actually offer himself as the perfect “nice guy” to turn lesbians straight after delivering the whole spiel on why it’s ok for vagInal sex to hurt the woman.

  • Simon

    That’s a Poe. I am fairly certain of it.

  • Hermes

    The same debate is going on in a thread on the whywontgodhealamputees.com forums. We’re leaning toward it being satire / POE.

  • http://supercheetah.livejournal.com Rene Horn

    I have to wonder if this guy is a parody. He seems to be too outlandish to actually believe these things.

    Then again, I’ve been surprised before (e.g. WBC).

  • http://travelfork.blogspot.com/ Sabayon

    “Here’s a Woman. Do that!”

    I …there are no words. I mean, rarely do you get objectification of women quite this blatant.
    He probably is a poe, but nonetheless, I for one just got a little bit gayer (really from the rape of the clementine onwards).

  • http://sanguinity.livejournal.com Sanguinity

    @Milena:

    OMG. After listening to minutes of him detailing how he would be the most horrendous, painful, unsexy, “no woman in her right mind would want to consent to that” lay EVAR, hearing him offer himself as an obvious cure to my lesbianism…?

    Hemant, how could you DO that to us?

  • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

    I think he is looking a bit too longingly at that orange. Is molesting fruit a crime? Guess that’s why he didn’t use a banana, because that would be too gay.

    I’m voting Poe.

  • Jonsi

    I saw some of his other clips and thought “jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! This guy is batshit crazy.” But after watching this one and the one on how AIDS passes through a condom and all you are left with is a vagina full of AIDS, I am calling poe. Either this man is a genius, or he literally does have batshit for brains. I honestly don’t know which one I want him to be.

  • Ty

    How about girl on top? How about think of a woman enveloping a man, instead of a man penetrating a woman? Maybe vaginas aren’t designed for penises, but penises are designed for vaginas!

    Ok, gotta admit, little turned on now.

  • joethehappyheretic

    Relax everybody. It’s just satire. I e-mailed the guy myself through his YouTube channel asking if his videos were for real. He responded right away that they were satire. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, I know. But my skeptical radar peaked when I watch some of his other videos. Check them out. They’re great . . . once you know that he’s secretly laughing at the same people we are.

  • debg

    I don’t know. I think this guy is for real. Perhaps it only indicates how little faith I have in Fundies these days.

    Funny. Sad. Douchebag.

  • joethehappyheretic

    Here’s the proof . . .
    ————–
    help center | e-mail options | report spam

    Jesusophile has sent you a message:

    Re:Satire, right?

    It’s satire. Thanks for the compliments.

    You can reply to this message by visiting your inbox.

    © 2009 YouTube, LLC

    —————–
    I have the original reply sitting in my inbox.

  • http://elisverse.wordpress.com/ Elis

    This gotta be satire. The thumb licking part is a giveaway. But I guess it’s quite possible this guy is a genuine IDiot. It’s POE for sure.

  • dfledermaus

    If you can forget your outrage at this fundie’s view, it’s pretty funny. I also found myself feeling sorry for this guy. As much as he wants to drop a shitload of crap on women, it’s evident a shitload of crap was dropped on him too; probably when he was too young to have any defense against it. He is a truncated human being. His reason and rationality were strangled early by indoctrination into a worldview so narrow, it’s like looking at reality from the bottom of a well. I doubt he’ll ever climb out of it now and I pity him as much as I pity those he wants to victimize in turn.

  • http://reanhouse.blogspot.com Sarah

    If he’s not a POE he’s a virgin. I kind of the resent the “women just lay there and don’t do anything” spiel though. Also, lube can be used for vaginal (va-gin-al) sex too ya know. All in all very funny… disturbing… but funny.

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  • http://theipu.com Ron Gold

    I think the reason a lot of people were fooled by Jesusophile is that they had previously seen Ray “Banana Man” Comfort. Comfort’s video looks as much like satire as this one, with the exception of being real.

  • http://www.shaesplace.com/blog Shae

    I’m depressed, even if this is satire.

  • http://www.dukes-travels.blogspot.com Duke

    The fact that he’s dutch also puts the odds against this being real. Of course, dutch fundies DO exist, but quite unlikely. :)

  • Aubrey

    Women, Play with your clitoris, because obviously that’s what god wants you to do. ????WTF????

    Did he actually LICK his THUMB????? and the facial expressions…. Oh. My. G***.

    Whether he’s a Poe or not, people really do think like this.

    WHoa. Need to go for a cleansing dive in teh pool now.

  • http://godlessgirl.com GG

    his whole channel is more of this crazy awesomeness. i could never pull off satire like this without slaying myself with laughter. hahaha.

    scariest part is that we think he’s serious. that says something about Christians, doesn’t it ;)

  • http://atheistnexus.org/profile/Kat95 Kat

    WTF!!! Poster child for abortion & that’s just for starters.
    I think he was dropped on his head as a child.
    I feel stupider after listening to his drivel.
    Someone stated that no women would want to have sex with this thing(guy), that might explain the hole in the wall behind him.
    I want to say so much more, but think I blew out a few brain cells after watching this & hearing what that waste of skin had to say…wow!!!

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