I think I beat you in the cynical department. I say, stay in the closet as long as you are more comfortable there, which may well be for the rest of your life.

Experience has taught me a valuable lesson: If there is no good reason to do something (or tell someone something), and there is even the slightest chance that doing (or saying) that thing will come back to bite you in the ass, it’s better not to do it at all. Imagine all of the hassle you will have saved yourself! (Or could have, if you were foolish enough not to live by this sort of rule.)

The girl didn’t give any specifics about her family – perhaps they’re not religious either, or perhaps she’s already out to them and it’s not a big deal. She was just asking about her friends. And, worst case scenario, she learns that they’re not very good friends and she needs some new ones. I think it was great advice.

It is easy (and probably correct) to say that she should disclose her atheism because she would not want to be friends with people who would reject her for it. However, this is one of those things likely to be far easier for we adults to do than someone who is 16.

I’d want to make sure she has a handle on the potential benefits and risks so that she can make an informed decision.

Telling a 16-year-old to out themselves is, as stated above, reckless.

Although, I’m not very sure how liberal Episcopalians are.

In the case of a 16-year-old, the fine point is that there is likely at least one friend he or she can absolutely 100% trust with this secret. Tell them first, then have them get your back if you face any repercussions from friends.

Once you have your friends, THEN you take on the parents.

And then you start an atheist club at school and cause all sorts of fun ruckus and scandal.
BTW I love your blog!

In the case of a 16-year-old, the fine point is that there is likely at least one friend he or she can absolutely 100% trust with this secret. Tell them first, then have them get your back if you face any repercussions from friends.

Once you have your friends, THEN you take on the parents.

And then you start an atheist club at school and cause all sorts of fun ruckus and scandal.

There is nothing shameful about being a nonbeliever, and you should be willing to disclose this and engage in this vital conversation with your friends.

True, but that doesn’t always translate well in real life. If someone else thinks it’s shameful, or even if they simply don’t understand how something can be possible (see: reaction to people with mental illness) they’re going to treat you like it is, and that hurts whether you agree or not.

And people should never kill or rob each other. But is that a good reason to walk the alleyways of a major city at 3 AM?

And people shouldn’t refuse to date you simply because of the way you look. But is that a good reason to let yourself go?

It’s always uplifting to hear some blather about how if someone doesn’t like you, you shouldn’t want to be their friend anyway. But politically correct blather it is. Every day we have to deal with people around us whether we want to deal with them or not. Better to keep your neighbors polite and helpful than have them close their doors to you for no good reason whatsoever.

Maybe this sort of idealized blather works in World of Warcraft. But In the real world, once the cat is out of the bag, it has long-term consequences that can’t be reversed. You can’t undo coming out of the closet once it is done, and if the consequences for you are horrible, you can always never speak to your family again, or uproot your life and move somewhere else. And for what?

All and all, it’s obviously worth the risk ;rolleyes;