Westboro Baptist Church Just Got Stranger…

Give it up to Fred Phelps and the folks at Westboro Baptist Church: They definitely know something about atheists.

Take a look at their explanation for Sunday’s protest at Seattle Pacific University:

Commence Ur trip to hell! We will be on hand at your graduation to ask a few things and point out a few things. Why do you Methodists want to pretend you are going to heaven? You know you threw out the truth of God many years ago. Now you are all about works righteousness, good deeds and such. You have forgotten your first love and gone the way of all the idolatrous perverts around you. Get real, and at least just admit you are all about appearances and could not care less about what God requires of you. The rate of divorce, remarriage and fornication (fag and otherwise) is extremely high amongst your membership. You are in big trouble for this and because you refuse to obey God. This song is really most fitting for you all (Sing it to 50 ways to leave your lover):

The problem is easy if you want to obey God.
Put away your filthy idols and hear ye the rod.
But you love all your sins and follow lying frauds,
There must be 50 ways to eat your baby.
Just give ‘em to the Pope, dope; pass ‘em through the fire — liar.
Fornicate and divorce of course, just listen to me.
Put ‘em on a bun, son. Don’t forget the onion.
Make ‘em take the mark, Clark — and eat your babies.

Yes Obama will make official what you religious hypocrites have been doing for several decades now — so get that shocked look off your faces! Deuteronomy 28:53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee: all because you are rebels, and refuse to obey God! AMEN!

They don’t know everything about atheists, though. Who combines babies with onions? No one. That would ruin the taste.

(Thanks to Katherine for the link!)

  • John Larberg

    These guys are always a crack up. Gotta love Christians protesting Christians for not being Christian enough.

  • http://andrea-thenerd.xanga.com The Nerd

    I visited that college some years back, and let me tell you, the cafeteria food was amazing! If anyone could serve up a baby the right way, it’s Seattle Pacific.

  • Dave

    Hemant –

    I need your help. As an atheist, I know it’s my duty to eat babies. The problem is, I’ve been a vegetarian for seventeen years.

    Can you tell me of any vegetarian substitutes for baby that might help me fulfill my obligation?

  • http://noadi.blogspot.com Noadi

    Tofu molded into baby form? Baby carrots, baby spinach?

  • http://foreverinhell.blogspot.com Personal Failure

    Baby corn?

  • Joel

    As much as I despise Phelps, I have to give him creativity points. I always love a good song parody.

    “Put’em on a bun, son. Don’t forget the onion.”

    I just prefer a spot of mustard, but I’ll have to try that.

  • http://darwinsdagger.blogspot.com Darwin’s Dagger

    Dave, dude, baby carrots.

    I wonder sometime whether or not Westboro is a satire. Can anybody be this profoundly disturbed? Then I remember, its religion.

  • littlejohn

    Dave: Just do what I do! Hold a pillow over the baby’s face until it’s officially a vegetable. Problem solved!
    When frying, be sure to use baby oil! And pat it down with baby powder first. Yum!
    I long ago stopped calling my substantial paunch a beer-belly. It’s baby fat!
    Tip the veal! Enjoy your waitress! I’ll be here all week!

  • Cypress Green

    His choice of song just shows how old and out of the loop he is.

  • Dave

    Dave: Just do what I do! Hold a pillow over the baby’s face until it’s officially a vegetable. Problem solved!
    When frying, be sure to use baby oil! And pat it down with baby powder first. Yum!

    Brilliant! That has to count.

  • Richard Wade

    Fred Feces Phelps is one of the better arguments for the non-existence of God and one of the best recruiters for atheism.

    Christians attacking Christians. Talk about eating your own.

  • Jeannette

    when are they going to announce that all of their protests are just an April Fool’s prank that got taken way too far?

  • Jonas

    “Can you tell me of any vegetarian substitutes for baby that might help me fulfill my obligation?”

    Jelly Babies, the official snack of Tom Baker – The 4th Doctor.

    “Who combines babies with onions? No one. That would ruin the taste.”

    Sautéed onions with peppers, or fried Onion Rings?

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    I have sometimes wondered if perhaps Fred is really an atheist on a long life-long mission to ridicule fundamentalism with satire. But then I hear reports of abuse (by him) in his own family and know that he must actually be a fundamentalist.

    I know quite a few Methodists that would be quite upset at Fred’s characterization of them. Of course these same Methodists are all quite smug in their beliefs and have probably never even heard of Fred Felts.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Hemant Mehta

    Hemant –

    I need your help. As an atheist, I know it’s my duty to eat babies. The problem is, I’ve been a vegetarian for seventeen years.

    Can you tell me of any vegetarian substitutes for baby that might help me fulfill my obligation?

    Tofu babies. They’re more expensive, but well worth it, I say.

  • mikespeir

    And I used to be Methodist! Oh, well. Guess I didn’t lose anything by turning atheist.

  • Jason Baur

    I have to disagree. Grilled onions are great with meat. I would definitely go for some with my baby burger.

  • Zach

    Funny. SPU is one of the most conservative and Christian schools in Washington…

  • Infinite Monkey

    If y’all come over to my place this weekend, I’ll be serving baby back ribs.

  • http://www.gopetition.com/online/18938.html Michael

    Aww c’mon, sauteed onions, mushrooms and garlic enhance the flavor of any meat!

  • Jen

    I don’t do drugs, but if I did, I would want the ones Fred is on.

  • medussa

    The man is clearly disturbed. If he were ranting on any other subject than religion, he’d be locked up.
    But I guess everyone here knows that. I just find it hard to believe that calling it religion makes behaviour like this acceptable.

  • SarahH

    I don’t do drugs, but if I did, I would want the ones Fred is on.

    I sure wouldn’t… I’d want something that would make me happy, not angry!

  • http://www.raywhiting.com/MyLife Raytheist

    what the hell? Did you look at their schedule? they have pickets planned in Los Angeles AND in Chicago for the SAME DAY, including overlapping times at different spots in L.A.? what??


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