He is writing ironically after losing his faith. He repeatedly points to the earth being circular, and it’s path AROUND the sun, in defiance of the church.

Read it very carefully, as a backwards allegory condemning the church. He is listing the names he feels should survive, not burn.

The people who put shredded wheat (serving size 2) in packages of 3.

And most of all the people who decided to rate school bus capacity based on elementary school children. (If we can fit 75 9-year-olds on the bus, we can fit 75 high school students, with backpacks!)

He is forced to wear a condom for all eternity in hell whilst being forced to have gay sex with men who died in Africa of AIDS. However, the condom actually does NOT protect him against AIDS since he lied in life and said that they do not. He catches AIDS and gets sicker and sicker but never dies in this hell, all the while still wearing a condom continuously.

Satan has no reason to do God’s will he is, after all, already in Hell

To get around this “free-will of Satan” problem, I can think of the following:

1. Deny that Satan has free will. But then he becomes God’s puppet.

2. Claim that Satan is really an aspect of God similar to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

3. Claim that Satan has free will but for some reason, ALWAYS chooses to maintain the torture chamber.

Of course not believing in God or Satan is the most simple solution. The problem simply goes away.

God is not as good as he claims, and I submit that hell is probably not as bad as he claims either. We never hear Satan’s side of it. Remember he’s in hell because he wanted the adoration God received, he wanted to be His equal.

So what can we definitively say about hell?

1)Satan has no reason to do God’s will he is, afterall, already in Hell;
2) His interests are better served by catering to his minions rather than torturing them, thereby securing the adolation he desires; and
3) God has sent to hell every rockstar, pornstar, actor, scientist, free thinker, revolutionary, celebrity, drug addict, alcoholic, etc, etc. You get my point, all the cool people are there.

Heaven, on the other hand, is full of bible thumpers, prudes, and morons.

I know this was a long ass post, but the point is: Who deserves to go to Hell? Anyone with a brain!

(Hopefully this comment earned me a VIP table in Club Inferno)

But for the religious, Hell serves as a cathartic way to justify that the “wrongs are righted” and that the truly evil are punished. I can see the desire for it, as we’re often left as secularists with no ‘force’ to punish the truly evil. In the absence of an deity, how can we accept the evil? We’re either left dissatisfied with a society that is so steeped in religion that it fails to punish those religious evils or jailed as vigilantes who exacted our own human punishment.

So if I were to imagine a Hell, a place where I could send the most evil of the evil, I’d pick one group.

That group? Educators who deliberately mislead.

The easy answer again would be child molesters and rapists, murderers, etc. But ultimately, I think we all pay a bigger price to those who make the deliberate choice to mis-educate our youth. Molesters and rapists and murderers are one-off crimes. They hurt one or two or a few, but the justice system generally incarcerates them and removes them from society for their obvious crimes. And oftentimes, these are crimes of passion or insanity, done ONCE as a reaction to a trigger, not consciously premeditated.

But the teachers who make a conscious decision every day to teach children, the pride of our future and the building blocks of an intelligent society, absolute lies? They’re the ones who deserve Hell. They’re the ones in Madrassas teaching children that it’s okay to strap bombs to themselves, as Mohammmed or Allah will vindicate them in the afterlife. They’re the ones deciding EVERY day to teach that the year is only 6000 years old, forever undermining a student’s perception of geology, astronomy, physics, the environment, anthropology, evolution, and our fundamental role on this planet.

They’re the ones who make a determined effort to paint contraception as evil and ineffective in an effort to advance an indefensible moral code about chastity and devotion to the Lord.

Every single day, every single time they teach things they know to not be true, whether to advance a moral or philosophical code, they’re creating evil. They’re creating people who will die for their cause, derail millions of dollars of federal aid to Africa because it might teach the efficacy of contraception. They’re pushing day after day to get absolutely sound science like Evolution removed from our schools, in an effort to MISEDUCATE the children of our society.

Education is the building block of everything we do, and those who deliberately miseducate create monsters and evils far greater than those perpetrated by simple murderers and thieves.

They’re the ones who deserve Hell, if such a place even exists.

I have a 6 year old daughter. She has recently become entranced by all the tween Disney personalities: Jonas brothers, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, etc. But the worst, most obnoxious is Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. Why should Miley go to hell? Because her show says it is okay for children to mock their parents, to lie, to do anything they feel like and that it will all be okay as long as they can act sweet and promise to never do it again. Of course the following week it is the same old thing. The fact that her actual father is complicit in this abomination is unbelievable. He is either a fool or too busy counting the money his little cash cow brings in. Probably both. On top of this her Hannah Montana personanlity makes incredibly bad music. I feel physically ill every time I get into the car and have to listen to a teenager sing about the difficulties of her lovelife. Seriously, how often could she have possibly been burned in her short existence?

So, Miley dear, you deserve to go to hell. As punishment for all the torture you have heaped upon the parents of young girls. Dick Cheney and the CIA could’ve learned a lot from you.