Comments on: What Could You Never Say in Church?

By: Santiago

Santiago — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:31:13 +0000

Heh, probably days late for this, but couldn’t keep it to myself:

“Guess where I put the ‘holy’ Eucharist you gave me. And no, it wasn’t in my mouth.”

Never even contemplated doing this, but boy would that piss off the whole church!

By: Valerie Kelley

Valerie Kelley — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:05:54 +0000

It seems like there is about no way to avoid going to hell. Since that’s the case, why do I have to sit here every Sunday and listen for two hours about this horrible place that I can’t avoid going to anyway? Why? Why?

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:52:09 +0000

If I believe that Jesus is God come to earth in the form of a man then why do I have to also believe that he was born of a virgin and that he rose from the dead? Aren’t those just magic tricks to dazzle the morons in the crowd?

By: Danny

Danny — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:16:03 +0000

Jesus turns me on.

By: Theo Bromine

Theo Bromine — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 02:23:37 +0000

As someone who converted to be an evangelical in my teens, but then went to Christian churches that were progressively more liberal, I have to say that, at the last church I attended before ditching the whole thing, the following statements would have been completely acceptable:

* I support civil unions for homosexual couples (actually, at that particular church, there tended to be more gay weddings than straight ones)

* I just had a drink last night and it tasted really good. (Drinking alcohol in moderation was completely acceptable)

* I vehemently support a woman’s right to choose.

* Women are not sperm receptacles or reproductive tools. Men shouldn’t automatically be the heads of the household just because they are men.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:37:03 +0000

I agree with Andrew. “I don’t want any peace, and don’t touch me.”

Also, “how do you people know what to say and when to stand or sing?” It’s like going to Rocky Horror for the first time, except without the squirt guns. Or anything else that keeps you awake.

By: Thuno

Thuno — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:54:16 +0000

Gods hell bound BS don’t scare me, it’s his delusive, mentally challenged, mindless fanclub that I fear!!

By: littlejohn

littlejohn — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:41:05 +0000

Wait a minute, Jeb. I thought you said there weren’t gonna be no killin’.

This is also useful for getting to the front of slow-moving lines at grocery stores and theaters.

By: Neon Genesis

Neon Genesis — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:02:33 +0000

We get into church, and still he keeps at it; by now I’m really pissed. In the middle of the Homily, Kenny is still going. Able to take no more, I yelled as loud as I could, “Would you just shut up?!”

I’ve actually thought that about the preacher at my parents’ church so many times. I’ve also always wanted to ask “Why are you all such bigots?”

By: ATL-Apostate

ATL-Apostate — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 20:10:50 +0000

“What if I don’t want to burn/throw-away my Black Sabbath/Ozzy/Slayer/Motorhead records and tapes?”

“Fuck off and mind your own business.”