best of luck guys! I’m sure you’ve been married awhile now, but I wish you a happy married life just the same!

There are lots of variations and degrees of “being Christian”. As Richard says, age plays a large role in sexual matters.
If you are only 19 or 20, I would be a bit cautious about a mixed relationship.

I would recommend determining if you two are compatible in the every-day mundane things about life. If she is “the one”, as far as sex, she might “come around” when she gets an engagement ring on her finger.

Good luck.

It’s not clear from your comment how old you and your girlfriend are. That can make a big difference in the feelings, attitudes and ramifications surrounding a love relationship and a sexual relationship. Generally, the younger you two are, the less likely that you will be able to maintain a long-term relationship. It’s apparent that you really like her, and I don’t want to be simply discouraging, but to avoid or minimize heartache for either of you, you should be in this with your eyes wide open, and you should encourage her to be the same.

You say that she is a Christian, but you assert that her decision to abstain from sex before marriage is personal rather than influenced by Christian doctrine. I think the influence is there whether you or she are aware of it, and it’s very important for the two of you to be frank and open with each other and within yourselves when it comes to your differences in beliefs.

Religious conflict is probably the single most likely reason that the two of you will be unable to maintain your relationship, whether soon or later, whether you become sexual or not. Erik and Kate’s story is a very rare exception to the general rule, and the “jury will be out” for as long as they remain together. (This is essentially true for any couple; we daily choose to work at our relationships or daily choose to let them deteriorate.) But the point is that nothing divides people more readily than differences in religious ideas, and far more often than not, it sets up incompatibility that most couples cannot overcome or compensate for.

In other words, sex is only the first of many conflicts that you’re going to face as a couple because of the differences in your beliefs.

Talk, talk, talk with her about all your feelings and thoughts, and really make it safe and easy for her to do the same. In the midst of your happiness, resist the temptation for dreamy, wishful thinking, assuming that things will “just work out” on their own, or that the other person will change. If a relationship’s future is conditional on an important change in one of the members, it’s not likely to succeed. Being young the two of you will change in many ways, but those changes will mostly be through your natural development. If they’re required, expected or hoped for by the other person, that is a signpost for failure up ahead.

I wish you both the best, whether or not this particular pairing continues. You can both benefit from each other’s honesty, frankness, respect, compassion, and caring.

I would like to know what the couples in this situation did in the early stages of their relationships about sex?

i’ve just started dating a christian girl, who personally chooses not to have sex before marriage, rather than through some indoctrinated ideals of the church. however i’ve always felt that sex is an important part of a relationship, and not because i just want to get laid!

we are having a fantastic time together, though still in the early stages of dating and i am totally confused as to how to continue.

i don’t want to stay with her, just to feel frustrated and resentfu later down the linel, but i also don’t want her to change her views either! and to all those people who will say what about the stuff in the.middle, the jury is out on whether she would feel comfortable doing them and is not really the point of my dilemma, as i do want to continue to see her as our connection is amazing and views on everything else pretty much identical.

all comments and advice would be extremely gratefully received, especially from people how have been there!

michael

I find it sad that you seem so puzzled by so simple and obvious a thing as human beings being good to each other because it is their nature to do so. Only the more immature and shallow people need to think there’s a policeman in the sky in order for them to maintain their good behavior.

… And it’s spelled atheist.