The K Street Atheist Lobbyists

The Secular Coalition for America sent out an amusing fundraising email that’s worth checking out.

It relates to their new offices on famed lobbying haven “K Street” and what they could use:

A financial contribution of:

$2,375 pays for one month of rent in our new space. This new office will allow us to host allies for strategy meetings.
$1,129 creates a stock pile of 6,000 brochures to distribute in Congress and across the country to build awareness of our activities.
$892 purchases, for Monty Python fans, the machine that goes “ping” – we are not sure how it will help protect the secular character of our government.  Further research is needed prior to purchase.
$666 buys a legislator’s soul, we’ve heard – if that was bad information, we’ll substitute a new computer and printer.
$432 covers travel expenses to speak to coalition member affiliate groups or to organize an in-district meeting with a member of Congress.
$367 buys bookcases to display our media clippings, research reports and signed copies of best-sellers from our advisory board members – thanks, Richard Dawkins and Salman Rushdie!
$232 might pay for a round of golf at a private country club with a member of Congress?  We don’t know – we don’t do that.  But if you send us $232, or any other amount, we will put it to good use lobbying for the rights of atheists, agnostics, and humanists.
$162 covers our phone and internet service for a month, and you can’t lobby without both.
$129 buys a four-drawer filing cabinet to keep our materials organized and secure.
$87 gets us a shredder that will prevent, among other things, the premature disclosure of the name of the next nontheist member of Congress to go public.
$63 buys a toner cartridge to print over 8,000 pages of compelling evidence to convince elected officials of the correctness of our policy positions.
$28 purchases a hands-free phone headset to allow staff to multi-task while arranging meetings with your members of Congress.
$17 provides us with a 12-pack of post-its – you can’t have a professional office without the ubiquitous sticky.
$8 buys filters for the coffee machine – now that we can no longer raid the American Humanist Association’s lounge.

I’m waiting to hear how many people will donate $666…

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  • …I am gonna write them a cheque for $892 right now. Bing!

  • GreyTheory

    No notes on what they get for $42?.. or is that only funny in base 13?

  • Rob

    I got this email yesterday – loved it! If I only had $666 to spare, but my wife just bought a new vacuum cleaner. (that sentence works when you consider that a congressional soul and a loud sucking sound are eerily similar)

    They’ll have to settle for some post it notes and coffee filters.

  • teammarty

    For 42$ they get the answer to life, the universe and EVERYTHING.