The K Street Atheist Lobbyists

The Secular Coalition for America sent out an amusing fundraising email that’s worth checking out.

It relates to their new offices on famed lobbying haven “K Street” and what they could use:

A financial contribution of:

$2,375pays for one month of rent in our new space. This new office will allow us to host allies for strategy meetings.
$1,129creates a stock pile of 6,000 brochures to distribute in Congress and across the country to build awareness of our activities.
$892purchases, for Monty Python fans, the machine that goes “ping” – we are not sure how it will help protect the secular character of our government.  Further research is needed prior to purchase.
$666buys a legislator’s soul, we’ve heard – if that was bad information, we’ll substitute a new computer and printer.
$432covers travel expenses to speak to coalition member affiliate groups or to organize an in-district meeting with a member of Congress.
$367buys bookcases to display our media clippings, research reports and signed copies of best-sellers from our advisory board members – thanks, Richard Dawkins and Salman Rushdie!
$232might pay for a round of golf at a private country club with a member of Congress?  We don’t know – we don’t do that.  But if you send us $232, or any other amount, we will put it to good use lobbying for the rights of atheists, agnostics, and humanists.
$162covers our phone and internet service for a month, and you can’t lobby without both.
$129buys a four-drawer filing cabinet to keep our materials organized and secure.
$87gets us a shredder that will prevent, among other things, the premature disclosure of the name of the next nontheist member of Congress to go public.
$63buys a toner cartridge to print over 8,000 pages of compelling evidence to convince elected officials of the correctness of our policy positions.
$28purchases a hands-free phone headset to allow staff to multi-task while arranging meetings with your members of Congress.
$17provides us with a 12-pack of post-its – you can’t have a professional office without the ubiquitous sticky.
$8buys filters for the coffee machine – now that we can no longer raid the American Humanist Association’s lounge.

I’m waiting to hear how many people will donate $666…

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Veritas

    …I am gonna write them a cheque for $892 right now. Bing!

  • GreyTheory

    No notes on what they get for $42?.. or is that only funny in base 13?

  • Rob

    I got this email yesterday – loved it! If I only had $666 to spare, but my wife just bought a new vacuum cleaner. (that sentence works when you consider that a congressional soul and a loud sucking sound are eerily similar)

    They’ll have to settle for some post it notes and coffee filters.

  • teammarty

    For 42$ they get the answer to life, the universe and EVERYTHING.