The problem is that many people aren’t honest about what they want (or don’t know what they want) and end up resenting their partner for something they signed up for. People who want monogamy (or are willing to be monogamous for the right person) should be with other people who want monogamy, plain and simple.

This is impossible for most people so the happy open relationship tends to end when 1 of the 2 people is acting jealously. Personally I feel that I am capable of an open relationship but I know that my fiance is not. This is a situation where there is no real compromise, she calls the shots.

Someone asked how young a person might be when they realize that monogamy is not their thing. I was nine years old when I first understood that monogamy would not be my preferred path in this lifetime. I had no cultural reference for this. My parents had then (and still do now) a very traditional American marriage. None of their friends, none of my relatives, were polyamorists. In fact, no one had even mentioned such a word to me before, but I can still remember that day when I realized it, where I was at, and what a revelation it was to me.

I’ve only personally known of one polyamorous relationship that came to a bad end, and I believe that it was doomed from the start. One of my friends suggested to her new husband that they live as one family unit with another couple shortly after they were married. My friend had a long and close history with this other couple, while her husband was new to them. They had no time alone to establish their own relationship before they got involved in other relationships. Sadly, both couples involved are getting divorces, and my friend plans to marry the other husband eventually. On the other hand, one of my closest friends has been a “secondary consort” as she and her partners phrase it, for nearly a decade, and there has been no hint of cheating, jealousy, separation, or divorce. I also know of a “foursome” who have been functioning as one, stable family unit for the better part of two decades, including the joint raising of all children born to their family unit.

Roughly nine out of ten of my friends in “traditional” relationships have endured cheating, separations, and/or divorces.

In my case, my husband and I gave ourselves time to get to know one another and establish a solid relationship before we decided to bring anyone else into the mix. We were open and honest with one another from the start, though, and we entered this marriage knowing that neither of us believed love could be limited by number or gender (provided that we’re talking about consenting adults, and only consenting adults, that is). We do not date people separately, and we never go forward with anything unless both of our hearts are in it. We honestly hope to eventually find one or two other people to join us on a permanent basis, people with whom we can share love and respect.

Thank you again for sharing this with your readers.

Cheers!

Melissa

It works. We’re stable, happy, and as free from melodrama as your average monogamous people. It helps that we’re individually quite sane and drama-averse, and we all approach our relationships with peace and happiness in mind.

Many of us are also active in our local poly community, being part of various committees and contact groups. A few of us like to think of ourselves as poly ambassadors, and our happy little family unit has been described by friends as “poly poster children”.

As for legalisation, well, I have no delusions. We can’t even get same-sex marriage off the ground here in Australia, so I’m not holding my breath for legal plural marriage. I’d love to marry my wonderful boyfriend the same as I am married to my wonderful wife, but I don’t think it’s even worth pursuing yet. Let’s get same-sex marriage legalised first, have a rest, and then think about where to go next.

Feel free to join us (or not) in the Atheist Nexus Polyamory group.

One of my partners is more medically oriented than the other, and while I am certain that he would consult my other (also male) partner, I’m more comfortable with the person who has the skills making the final calls. These things are pretty simple to note on legal paperwork.

In my household, there are two male partners, who are not involved physically with each other, and myself, the female person in the “fulcrum” position between them, plus the two children we raise together, not to mention the dogs! One man has been my partner for over 15 years, and the other for 2 1/2. Everyone is free to date outside the household as they desire.

It’s been my experience observing the poly community that it is extraordinarily gender-equity oriented. Any man who thinks he’s getting into poly to have hawt threesome action with his wife and other chicks is in for a rude awakening!

It might not be the simplest way to go about loving and living, but I find it to be the most rewarding and enriching, with the best opportunities to explore and experience personal growth. While we don’t have legal recognition of all of our relationships, the legal documentation to support many of the “rights” afforded to married couples is in place. I’d encourage any polyamorous households to do the same.

We’re also out to daycare, teachers, and all sets of grandparents, primarily as a way to defuse any negative leverage points with our children. It’s not always easy, but it is achievable.

Hawaii has Reciprocal Beneficiaries, which were originally created to stop the screaming from the LGBT community when the mormon church bankrolled the first anti-gay marriage amendment. RBs are available to any two cohabitating people who can’t get married for whatever reason. They give the right of joint tenancy in entirety, among other things.