Well, for the record, I did in fact have my son circumcised in a traditional Jewish ceremony. And I did the research in advance and found that I did not object. Please send all death threats and stupid arguments to mara@idontcare.com.

Back on topic…my daughter attends a Jewish preschool for various reasons. One, it’s an excellent school. Two, she was already familiar with the building and very comfortable there. Three, I do want my daughter to learn about Judaism.

Now, a preschool is much different than an upper school, of course. I have already said that my kids will attend a Jewish day school over my cold, dead, and lifeless body. I won’t allow her valuable educational time wasted with Bible studies.

She will, however, go to Sunday school at our synagogue. Again, I’d like her to learn about our background, our people. And partially because it will create shalom bayit (peace in the home)!

I think everyone is entirely clear about me being an atheist. Heck, the rabbis might even know But Jewish atheists are so common, I can’t imagine why they’d care.

A friend on mine sent his son to Catholic School in the Hunter Valley and was thrilled that he topped the class in Religious Education, especially given the fact that “he’s not even Catholic!!”

What kind of records do they keep? Would anyone even know if you were bluffing?

Good point.

Thanks for responding to my letter Richard, I appreciate it. Having my husband take care of it A) takes the pressure off me and B) ensures it will never get done

Both those points negate the need I was implying. I’m also happy to say that my parents have been included in the discussion, and both are ok if we choose not to. My wife’s parents however will need some convincing. Both are cultural Catholics, refugees from Vietnam, and Catholicism is a matter of identity for them. To profess to them that I am a non-believer, and don’t wish my children baptized into the Church will illicit a response akin to “if you’re not with us, then you’re with those bastard communists”. (To be clear: we’re talking the corrupt kind who would bash down doors, take food and belongings and incarcerate you if you were Catholic in Vietnam during the war).

Keddaw – there is a huge difference between mutilating a child to placate family, and splashing some water on its head. I hope you see this.

Adele – I’m in Sydney, also. I certainly would not dismiss a school for being either public or private. At the time of writing, I was under the impression you could only send your child to a public school in your area, and some in Sydney’s south-west are not that great. Since then, the horizons have broadened, and I will once again raise the issue closer to the time.

Cheers guys. You have made this non-believer smile with your responses.

Paul.

Not all public schools are good, but if you are living in a middle class suburb then the school is likely to be decent.

On the other hand, the people I knew who went to Catholic schools (a small sample, but independent of each other) were all snobby right-wingers with zero empathy. Just sayin’

Lastly, there is a pragmatic matter. Ethics aside, each time you acquiesce to family pressure to do some religious thing, you may be buying the next demand down the road.

I see your childrens’ confirmations and weddings.

What if you or your husband were to die tomorrow? Would you feel comfortable with a religious funeral?

What about your children? Will they spill the beans? Will you lie to them? How will they feel when you tell them? Will they get into a situation where they tell your parents that you lied and enrolled their grandchildren in a long term hoax? How will they feel?

For my maternal grandparents, that was enough, and the end of the story. Same for my paternal grandfather.

My paternal grandmother, a sunday school teacher, felt it to be vitally important that I go to church and attend sunday school, and I eventually figured out that she was badgering my parents on this point. My father would have none of it, and basically told her it was up to me (which was as good as saying no because he knew I didn’t want to get up sunday mornings). My mother just didn’t want to get up sunday mornings and thus declined.

The argument continued until my grandmother, by means of trickery I don’t want to take the time to get into, maneuvered me into her sunday school class one weekend, and promptly gave a quiz. I get the feeling she was looking for something to wave at my mother to claim that I’m ignorant of the bible and must be educated. To her obvious shock, I knew more about the bible than anyone in her class – I got every question right. My mother looked rather smug, and my grandmother apparently never bothered my parents about church again.

My grandmother had started with the mistaken assumption that because I wasn’t going to church I wasn’t learning about the bible. She ended with the mistaken assumption that because I knew about the bible, I must believe in it. Regardless, the fact of my knowledge gave us peace in the family.

They’re pretty easy going, religion-wise, asside from actually “believing”. They’re pretty live-and-let-live kinds of folks.

But it strikes me as odd that pressure from his family is enough to make the decision for them.

I wasn’t privy to the conversation, and heard it second hand after the fact. It’s not my place to interject my opinion, but if it ever comes up, I plan on telling them “There’s only one reason to have him baptized, and that’s if you honestly truly believe it yourself, and you decide between the two that it’s best for him. No one else but the two of you get to decide.”

I suppose they’ll get him baptized anyway, because I think they want at least something that passes for “belief” within their family. And they’re liberal enough to let him choose his own way when he gets older. But if they decide to do it, it should be their decision, based on their beliefs, and not because of outside influence. And that will be my advice to them, or to anyone else in that situation.

As for the school, just lie to them, they’ll be lying to your children anyway.