I think it’s really wrong of people to hassle someone if they don’t share the “gone to a better place” view. In ways, it’s really sick that someone would even say that unless the person was in pain/terminally sick.

In any case, people grieve in their own way and no one should be socially or otherwise punished for not having religious dogma. To us, the person SIMPLY DID NOT go somewhere better.
Grief doesn’t have one face. Some people cry and cry, some internalize everything, some are numb for a very long time.

The thing is, you can’t do anything to help the source of the situation. The person is gone. You CAN, however, let them know that you are there to listen. If you live close by, offer to take care of any kids involved for a few hours, cook them a meal they can reheat (like pasta/soup) or even offer to do some laundry for them. You can also respect the memory of the person who has died. Talk about some good things about them.

Another note-
One thing people often dismiss is the pain involved with the loss of a pet, or a miscarriage. My friend had a late miscarriage a few years ago and I felt helpless to help her. It was an excruciating part of her life. There was nothing I could do to help. She wanted a child badly and it didn’t work out at that time (she has 2 beautiful children, the second of which was conceived after the miscarriage). What I did do was try to be there for her.
As far as pets go, most people spend time with their pets more than their parents, siblings, or other family members. The pain felt when a pet dies for some (including myself) is just as bad as a person.

I guess the point of my post is to reiterate that just as many atheists and agnostics are sensitive and empathetic as their religious counterparts. Actually DOING something for someone, I feel, is better than praying for comfort for them. It’s best to just be there for one another, and you don’t need religion for that.

“Why is she dressed up like a bride?”

Um… how to explain…

What gets me is when someone asks me to pray for them, whether they’re facing illness, hard times, or a loss. What to say? I have a friend who insists I can pray for her even though I’m an atheist. I’ve had to sit her down and say, “Look, I know you’re going through hard times right now. But it’s frankly insulting to me that you insist I pray for you when you know I’m an atheist. I am here for you and offer my shoulder to cry on and whatever you need, just say it. But I will not promise to pray for you. It is not helpful when I can spend that time doing something for you instead. Even if it’s just sitting here listening to you. That is something I can do for you, and it would be dishonest of me to promise something I cannot keep.”

I rather like the idea of doing some kind of work in honor of the deceased. In fact, think I’ll put that in my will, to have my family do some kind of service work in my name whenever I die.

The deceased is referred to as ‘your relation’, ‘your wife’, ‘your husband’, ‘your child’. But seldom as ‘George’, ‘Martha’, ‘David’, ‘Julie’.

There’s more comfort in knowing the dead person’s name is not forgotten than in the thought that ‘he/she is in a better place’.

I go back and forth between being a “soft” atheist (“Live and let live”) and a “hard” atheist, a la Harris or Hitchens. Circumstances play an important role in choosing which to adopt in the moment. Religion largely exists to provide answers to questions like, “Where did Mom go when she died?” — with comforting answers like, “To Heaven, where she’ll be chillin with God and Jesus for eternity, it’ll be awesome and you’ll get to go too.” The religious define themselves by how they answer The Big Questions, and while we could easily mock them for their dopey answers, we need to remember that they’re human beings too, grieving and mourning, and to hit them while they’re most vulnerable would be cruel.

We should also remember that they’re all atheists-in-waiting, and their times will come…

Added to that were some of her incredibly annoying relatives who faced the deaths with outright denial that anything bad really happened. After all, these women were now in heaven. Gag me with a fucking spoon.
I, myself, was rather annoyed with 2 who could NOT shut up for 2 seconds about Jesus and who were expressing their comfort that, yes, indeed, grandma was “saved” ascertained based on recent conversations.
WTF? STFU!