Comments on: Get Rid of of DADT http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/ by Hemant Mehta Mon, 28 May 2012 10:31:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Robin http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-432071 Robin Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:55:58 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-432071 I have also understood fom friends who have served (we're mostly in our 30s, so Iraq and Afganistan), that often, fellow unit members are completely aware of the gay/lesbian folks in their midst and are complicit in hiding them. I don't know how common this is, or if my sample is biased because of the sort of people I am friends with. I have also understood fom friends who have served (we’re mostly in our 30s, so Iraq and Afganistan), that often, fellow unit members are completely aware of the gay/lesbian folks in their midst and are complicit in hiding them. I don’t know how common this is, or if my sample is biased because of the sort of people I am friends with.

]]> By: I’m Living a Lie Because I (literally) Can’t Tell the Truth — The Gaytheists http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-431895 I’m Living a Lie Because I (literally) Can’t Tell the Truth — The Gaytheists Sun, 14 Feb 2010 22:28:18 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-431895 [...] on Friendly Atheist our good friend Hemant Mehta has quoted a piece by Andrew Sullivan from The Daily Dish, which lays [...] [...] on Friendly Atheist our good friend Hemant Mehta has quoted a piece by Andrew Sullivan from The Daily Dish, which lays [...]

]]> By: I Served in Silence http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-431173 I Served in Silence Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:00:30 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-431173 The scariest thing I ever had to do while serving in the military was to tell somebody that I was interested in that I am Bi. This is exceptionally scary as there are good odds that the person you're interested in is also in the military, and if you've misjudged their beliefs they can out you and get you tossed. Just the act of being honest with somebody I cared for had me sweating bullets in fear. I went through this three times. Twice with women and once with a man (all three were fellow Air Force members). I’m very lucky that all three were okay with my sexuality. I dated two of them and eventually married one of them. I probably would have stayed with my one time boyfriend if not for DADT. It made my relationship with him impossible when we were reassigned. If you think long distance relationships are hard, try having a same sex relationship long distance in the military. It doesn't work. I’m incredibly lucky that I went on to find somebody I care for as much as I care for my wife, but there are times I can’t help remembering how much I loved one young man 18 years ago. Times that I wonder what could have been. Even now that I’ve retired from the military I still worry about being outed. After 20 years of military service the jobs that I am most qualified to do are all military. And while it is harder to fire a civilian employee than a military member I’m not willing to risk my potential for promotion. I have no doubt that my military supervisors can make life difficult if they want. I’m more open about my sexuality with my friends, but defiantly not open around work. I'm Bi, not gay or lesbian. The gay or lesbian members have it even harder. It's almost impossible for them to find and stay with somebody they care for if they choose to stay in the military. It forces people to break up and destroys loving and caring relationships. It's just plain wrong to do that to anybody. The scariest thing I ever had to do while serving in the military was to tell somebody that I was interested in that I am Bi. This is exceptionally scary as there are good odds that the person you’re interested in is also in the military, and if you’ve misjudged their beliefs they can out you and get you tossed. Just the act of being honest with somebody I cared for had me sweating bullets in fear.

I went through this three times. Twice with women and once with a man (all three were fellow Air Force members). I’m very lucky that all three were okay with my sexuality. I dated two of them and eventually married one of them. I probably would have stayed with my one time boyfriend if not for DADT. It made my relationship with him impossible when we were reassigned. If you think long distance relationships are hard, try having a same sex relationship long distance in the military. It doesn’t work. I’m incredibly lucky that I went on to find somebody I care for as much as I care for my wife, but there are times I can’t help remembering how much I loved one young man 18 years ago. Times that I wonder what could have been.

Even now that I’ve retired from the military I still worry about being outed. After 20 years of military service the jobs that I am most qualified to do are all military. And while it is harder to fire a civilian employee than a military member I’m not willing to risk my potential for promotion. I have no doubt that my military supervisors can make life difficult if they want. I’m more open about my sexuality with my friends, but defiantly not open around work.

I’m Bi, not gay or lesbian. The gay or lesbian members have it even harder. It’s almost impossible for them to find and stay with somebody they care for if they choose to stay in the military. It forces people to break up and destroys loving and caring relationships. It’s just plain wrong to do that to anybody.

]]> By: Neon Genesis http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-431064 Neon Genesis Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:36:48 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-431064 "Lymis, your point is well made and I am happy to concede that I don’t have to deal with the issues of hiding my partner or children from coworkers. I choose not to discuss them because I don’t want the people I work with to intrude on my home life. I’m afraid I have a low opinion on my coworkers that might bias my views in this regard." Don't forget also that there's a huge difference between going to an office job for half the day and a military career where your job is your life and you're on the base practically all day and night. Should we really expect military soldiers to talk only about violence and fighting 24/7? Speaking as a gay man, I've never understood the logic behind DADT that if a homophobic soldier has a problem following orders because they might catch cooties from a gay or lesbian that this means the innocent gay and lesbian soldier that's doing their job should be the one fired. If they can't do their job because they're a bigot, doesn't that mean they should be the ones fired? Imagine if we had a policy that if a straight man refused to do their job because they have to take orders from a woman and the woman was fired from her job when she was just doing her duty. I would hope that virtually all Americans would be outraged but for some reason DADT is treated as a legitimate idea to be debated. “Lymis, your point is well made and I am happy to concede that I don’t have to deal with the issues of hiding my partner or children from coworkers. I choose not to discuss them because I don’t want the people I work with to intrude on my home life. I’m afraid I have a low opinion on my coworkers that might bias my views in this regard.”

Don’t forget also that there’s a huge difference between going to an office job for half the day and a military career where your job is your life and you’re on the base practically all day and night. Should we really expect military soldiers to talk only about violence and fighting 24/7? Speaking as a gay man, I’ve never understood the logic behind DADT that if a homophobic soldier has a problem following orders because they might catch cooties from a gay or lesbian that this means the innocent gay and lesbian soldier that’s doing their job should be the one fired. If they can’t do their job because they’re a bigot, doesn’t that mean they should be the ones fired? Imagine if we had a policy that if a straight man refused to do their job because they have to take orders from a woman and the woman was fired from her job when she was just doing her duty. I would hope that virtually all Americans would be outraged but for some reason DADT is treated as a legitimate idea to be debated.

]]> By: ecorona http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430949 ecorona Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:52:58 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430949 Not precisely DADT, but - Andrew Sullivan is featured in "Outrage" a film by Kirby Dick (his previous work "This Film is Not Yet Rated also recommended). The film focuses on the hypocrisy of the closet, and the religious intolerance that breeds the deceit. Also featured are elected officials Barney Frank, Tammy Baldwin, Jim McCreary, and the scion of gay activism Larry Kramer, who has some very interesting words about our national founders and the history of LGBT people in America. [I am in no way connected to or affiliated with Dick or his work - I just think he's done a couple of the best mainstream pieces on LGBT issues - especially for an avowed heterosexual.] Not precisely DADT, but – Andrew Sullivan is featured in “Outrage” a film by Kirby Dick (his previous work “This Film is Not Yet Rated also recommended). The film focuses on the hypocrisy of the closet, and the religious intolerance that breeds the deceit. Also featured are elected officials Barney Frank, Tammy Baldwin, Jim McCreary, and the scion of gay activism Larry Kramer, who has some very interesting words about our national founders and the history of LGBT people in America. [I am in no way connected to or affiliated with Dick or his work - I just think he's done a couple of the best mainstream pieces on LGBT issues - especially for an avowed heterosexual.]

]]> By: Lars http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430871 Lars Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:49:47 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430871 I tried to find some information about serving in the Norwegian army and being LGBT. All I can find is that it says they can serve openly. As I served in 86, I was asked specifically if I was gay due to a rumor. If I had said yes, most of the discharge paperwork was already filled by my immediate supervising officer. I tried to find some information about serving in the Norwegian army and being LGBT. All I can find is that it says they can serve openly.
As I served in 86, I was asked specifically if I was gay due to a rumor. If I had said yes, most of the discharge paperwork was already filled by my immediate supervising officer.

]]> By: catherine http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430824 catherine Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:23:51 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430824 It should also be pointed out that this not just an issue for the person in the military. It's also an issue for the soldier's partner, since they are likely cut off from any support that military communities could offer if their partner is deployed. Image having your partner serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, and not being able to get support from other military wives and husbands because if the military finds out that you exist your partner will get kicked out. You have no way of knowing if you will ever see your partner again, and you have to be careful about who you even confide in about those fears (and of course, if the worst does happen, forget about getting any support from the military since the federal government doesn't recognize same-sex marriages, but I suppose that's getting off topic a bit) It should also be pointed out that this not just an issue for the person in the military. It’s also an issue for the soldier’s partner, since they are likely cut off from any support that military communities could offer if their partner is deployed. Image having your partner serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, and not being able to get support from other military wives and husbands because if the military finds out that you exist your partner will get kicked out. You have no way of knowing if you will ever see your partner again, and you have to be careful about who you even confide in about those fears

(and of course, if the worst does happen, forget about getting any support from the military since the federal government doesn’t recognize same-sex marriages, but I suppose that’s getting off topic a bit)

]]> By: hoverfrog http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430727 hoverfrog Thu, 11 Feb 2010 08:39:46 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430727 Lymis, your point is well made and I am happy to concede that I don't have to deal with the issues of hiding my partner or children from coworkers. I choose not to discuss them because I don't want the people I work with to intrude on my home life. I'm afraid I have a low opinion on my coworkers that might bias my views in this regard. Work for me is about working...and blogging (only while compiling though). I don't care for office gossip and I don't care for the people who engage in it. It is often mean and vindictive and I have better things to do that engage in such rubbish. The point is that I have a right to my privacy and I choose to exercise it. Absolutely gay couples should have the same rights and may choose to broadcast stories of their family for the entire office. That doesn't make them interesting stories and I'll probably avoid them for that reason. Yeah, I'm a laugh a minute at work. Lymis, your point is well made and I am happy to concede that I don’t have to deal with the issues of hiding my partner or children from coworkers. I choose not to discuss them because I don’t want the people I work with to intrude on my home life. I’m afraid I have a low opinion on my coworkers that might bias my views in this regard. Work for me is about working…and blogging (only while compiling though). I don’t care for office gossip and I don’t care for the people who engage in it. It is often mean and vindictive and I have better things to do that engage in such rubbish.

The point is that I have a right to my privacy and I choose to exercise it. Absolutely gay couples should have the same rights and may choose to broadcast stories of their family for the entire office. That doesn’t make them interesting stories and I’ll probably avoid them for that reason. Yeah, I’m a laugh a minute at work.

]]> By: revyloution http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430627 revyloution Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:19:19 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430627 Atheists are roughly 5% of the population, and homosexuals are close to the same number. I would expect gay atheists to be a tiny number in any population. Has anyone seen any numbers on atheism in the homosexual population? Logic would dictate a high level of non-belief, since most modern religions are homophobic. Then again, religion flies in the face of logic... Atheists are roughly 5% of the population, and homosexuals are close to the same number. I would expect gay atheists to be a tiny number in any population.

Has anyone seen any numbers on atheism in the homosexual population? Logic would dictate a high level of non-belief, since most modern religions are homophobic. Then again, religion flies in the face of logic…

]]> By: Beth http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/02/10/get-rid-of-of-dadt/#comment-430622 Beth Thu, 11 Feb 2010 01:55:38 +0000 http://friendlyatheist.com/?p=21331#comment-430622 @ Kid A.: Of those individuals who were linguists who knew Arabic, two of them came to my campus recently to talk about DADT. One of them spoke 5 languages! And they fired him. It's just ridiculous. @ Kid A.: Of those individuals who were linguists who knew Arabic, two of them came to my campus recently to talk about DADT. One of them spoke 5 languages! And they fired him. It’s just ridiculous.

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