What Do We Know About Hell?

July 13, 2010 By 13 Comments

by Jesse Galef –

Yesterday, Hemant implied that we can’t know anything about the afterlife, and called out the evangelical Charisma magazine for printing an FAQ about Heaven. (Turns out we have jobs in Heaven…)

Well, I don’t read Charisma magazine, so I don’t know what it said about Hell. But I already know what it must be like. I have it on good authority: Rowan Atkinson before he starred as Mr. Bean.

It looks like we’ll be seeing the Christians down there…

Filed Under: Humor, Jesse Galef 13 Comments
  • TXindie

    His best show ever. I saw it the second it was released on dvd. “Turn out you were wrong.” Hilarious stuff

  • Richard P.

    Hahaha.. I love it.

  • Trace

    PZ at Pharyngula has a sad link that could give you an idea of how one version of hell may look like:

    http://georgewashington2.blogspot.com/2010/07/you-are-not-authorized-to-see-these.html

    oh and Atkinson…he is great!

  • Scott Maddox, CPA

    I’ve been looking for a pamphlet or FAQ on what heaven will be like for a while now, but there seems to be a lack of solid information. I think the concept of Heaven is one of the best arguments against religion; it just doesn’t make any sense. This FAQ didn’t shed any new light or answer any questions for me. And the ones it tried to answer, I don’t think the responses are reliable ones.

    I have so many unanswered questions about Heaven. Why is Heaven in clouds? It’s not in any of the clouds on Earth because we would’ve flown there already. Why do the streets need to be paved with gold? Are we going to drive golden cars on them or ride golden unicorns? Is there a monetary system in Heaven? I thought everything would be free and gold would be worthless there. Why not just have cloud streets? Is being in heaven similar or better than being on drugs? If Heaven is a drug, shouldn’t we think twice about using Heaven as the opiate for the masses? Will God kick us out if we try the same stuff the Devil tried to pull way back in the day? Why does God need love and obedience? Why is God jealous? These seem like very human aspects. If I were God, I wouldn’t care. I would not care so much, that I wouldn’t even bother making the universe. What would be the point of doing anything if you were God? What do they do for fun in Heaven? Do they sing and pray and worship? None of that stuff sounds fun. People do enough of that in church. That’s like rewarding a job well done with more work. Will I retain my memories in Heaven? Will all of my friends be there? If only some of my friends are there, isn’t it kinda like being in Hell to have to anguish over the thought of my friends suffering in Hell? Do people in Heaven not care about all the people suffering in Hell?

  • Scott Maddox, CPA

    In Luke 16, it says that Abraham and a beggar can see a rich man suffering in Hell from Heaven and they do nothing to help or console the suffering rich man and don’t seem to be sympathetic at all. Is Heaven enjoyable because of Schadenfreude?

  • Vene
  • Jim

    Haha, Rowan is a great comedian.

  • Claudia

    Unbelievers beware, for Charisma magazine has answers about hell. From an eyewitness, no less!

  • Trace

    Claudia, I don’t know if Charisma has answers about hell (they seem to have a book called “23 Questions About Hell”), but they sure have a most meaningful poll”

    “Is the Twilight series harmless fun or an open door for Satan to enter our lives?”

  • cassiek

    I’ll just side with Jean-Paul Sartre and say hell is other people. At least the annoying ones.

  • BLynam

    did you know that the Bible talks about hell twice as much as it does Heaven?

    why would God go through all that trouble to discuss hell if Heaven is supposed to be better?

    mr. bean is funny

  • http://whatshallwechoose.blogspot.com marisateika

    hahahahh! This is seriously the best thing that’s happened to me today. Thank you. I needed this.

  • inmyhead9

    I love Mr. Bean.