The Upside to the Rapture

May 18, 2011 By Guest Contributor 45 Comments

If the Rapture does happen this weekend, at least we have this to look forward to…

It’ll all be fun and games… until the rest of us go to Hell.

***Edit***: Cartoon is courtesy of Dan Collins.

(via Reddit)

Filed Under: General, Humor 45 Comments
  • Elaine

    FREE PANTS!

  • http://www.harvardhumanist.org Jonathan Figdor

    Yeah, but if Hell has no judgmental Christians, is it really that bad?

  • http://www.tomfarrell.org The Other Tom

    @Hemant: Wouldn’t “hell” be spending eternity with all the raptured christians?

    @elaine: You take the pants. I’m going for real estate.

  • Bob

    So there is just going to be a bunch of naked people floating up to heaven? Doesn’t seem very christian to me.

  • Derek

    I figure with all the Christians gone, and all the other religions proven wrong, science could prosper and maybe, just maybe, we could achieve immortality before we all died. So if we wake up Saturday to piles of Christian clothes, then I say: Challenge accepted, God.

  • Mike in FL

    Here’s the delicious irony of this– the ones crowing the loudest about being taken up by “The Rapture” are the most likely ones to be “left behind”. You know, guys like Swaggart, Falwell, Robertson, Marrs and so on.

  • http://www.bondassage.com Jaeleen

    Love it!!

  • Steve Ride

    If it does happen all I can say to the christians is “so long, you won’t be missed”.

  • Thin-ice

    Pretty ironic: all the prudish christians who are so embarrassed by the sight of a naked human body, will be ascending into heaven NUDE, watched by millions of us as they leave!

    Or if not nude, then there will be a lot upskirt gazing as they go up . . .

  • MaleficVTwin

    It’ll all be fun and games… until the rest of us go to Hell.

    I’ll take my chances. :)

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

    And now I’m hoping the Rapture does actually happen, if only to rid us of those irritating leeches called “Christians”.

  • Gordon

    Unfortunately we’d be left with non-christian religious whackos and the christian ones that Yehovah didn’t want.

    Now an “interfaith” rapture is something I could get behind!

  • Larry Meredith

    lol, yeah the Christians have been vindicated and were right all along and we atheists were completely wrong… but hey, we don’t have to deal with their annoying garbage anymore… even if it was all true. It’s a real catch 22.

    We wouldn’t be free of Christians after the rapture though. Think about it. If the rapture actually happens, everyone left behind will become Christian because we’ll have to accept the fact that it IS true.

  • http://defendingreason.wordpress.com/ Ben

    It’ll all be fun and games… until the rest of us go to Hell.

    And then it will be more fun :) Better than going to “heaven” and spending your time, 24/7, worshipping a giant wanker.

  • http://hoverFrog.wordpress.com hoverfrog

    Ben

    Better than going to “heaven” and spending your time, 24/7, worshipping a giant wanker.

    Thanks for that. Ben. Now I’m going to have an image in my head all day of all the Fundy Christians lined up watching the big guy knock one out over them. That’s not a good thing.

  • Shawn

    If a subset of the religious population were to be raptured, freethinkers would be proven wrong. It would have enormous repercussions for science, having suggested that there really is “more than one way of ‘knowing’” besides “man’s reason”. We’d have to acknowledge that there’s something in us or our methodologies that blinded us from seeing the truth.

    And that would be fine, because it would be true. Too late to be useful, but that’s also okay – I made my bed…

    Also, there might be free Kleenex and/or breath mints in those pants.

  • ben

    So just to be honest if the rapture did happen and I knew it was only christians I would probably convert. But since I know its nonsense no fear of that

  • Mark

    There is no such thing as an atheist. All men know there is a God. Just some them are scare to admit it. People fear what they don’t understand.

  • http://fryonic.tumblr.com/ Fryonic

    Sorry to spoil the fun, but there will still be plenty of wackos from religions other than Christianity. Only 200,000 Christians are suppose to be raptured, which means that most them won’t make the cut. Boy, I bet they’ll be plenty pissed off.

  • Kevin S.

    The thing I love most about Revelations is that hundreds of thousands of people will just disappear… and apparently most of us are going to just ignore this extraordinary occurrence happening as predicted.

  • OneTrueKinsman

    @ Shawn

    How do we know it was ‘God’ and not an elaborate hoax by an advanced alien species?

    Nothing would change for me. I would still be an atheist. Behind every magic act there is a reasonable, explainable process that makes it all happen. All smoke and mirrors.

    @ Larry Meredith

    I think the Christians ‘left behind’ may, at that point, either try to become MORE devout or abandon Christianity altogether out of spite. There’s hope yet.

  • Thegoodman

    I understand the rapture will happen this Saturday but, what time exactly? I have some plans and I’d rather not be on the interstate when a bunch of driverless cars begin swerving out of control and causing havoc.

    If I am hell bound, I’d prefer to delay it as long as possible.

  • mikedave

    @thegoodman

    Don’t know what time but you put a funny picture in my head of all the true believers watching the clock in nervous anticipation as 12:00 pm on the 21st rolls by, then for a few more hours as they remember it is still the 21st somewhere on earth. Finally a couple of phone calls to make sure they weren’t simply left behind then… I don’t know go to bed the party will obviously be over at that point.

  • aproustian

    Mark–so as a woman I am allowed to know there is no god? Sweet!

  • flatlander100

    Billy Joel got it right:

    “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
    The sinners are much more fun…”

    Song: “Only The Good Die Young.”

  • Jon Peterson

    Elaine: Free Pants?
    Is that a picket sign? :P

  • http://www.dancollinscartoons.com Dan Collins

    Glad you liked my cartoon.
    Dan Collins

  • Alex

    So like will news agencies like FOX train their cameras on the sky? And if nothing happens I guess the preachers have a lot of explaining to do in their churches on Sunday.

  • Alice

    Which god would that be, Mark? There are thousands of them.

  • http://www.brianornduff.com/blog Ornduff

    This is why I say that we just insist that the Rapture does happen this Saturday. Then, when religious people start telling us anything, we tell them that it’s just us now, we’re all left behind, and they should stop protesting.

    When they say that it didn’t, say to them “Well, how arrogant is that of you to say, Well I didn’t get to go, so it must not have happened.”

  • http://atheistreadsbible.blogspot.com/ Jude

    The only thing that would be better than getting rid of all the Christians would be getting rid of all the football fanatics or all the carnivores. In other words, there would still be plenty of things left to annoy us.

  • JenniferT

    I do hope there will be a thread on Saturday for reporting Rapture sightings. Obviously being in the UK where we’re all godless heathens, it’s unlikely I’ll spot anybody being raptured myself, but I’d hate to miss out on all the excitement.

  • cat

    @Shawn, no it would not show that there were different “ways of knowing”, it would just be very good evidence that we had been wrong and a malevolent trickster god did exist after all…

    @Ornduff, your idea is hilarious, except no one will admit to having been a May 21ster one the 22nd, even if they were one. As usual.

  • Jess A

    Without the religious objection to scientific research, someone would find the way for us to all live forever.

  • http://www.brianornduff.com/blog Ornduff

    @cat. I plan on using the idea on nonchalant and lay christians as well as if I were a 21ster myself. Perhaps even saying it as if I am just a disappointed Christian myself at having been left behind and lost all hope.

    At the least, it will lead to some fruitfully funny conversations.

  • Teliria

    @thegoodman – apparently, it is to happen around 6 pm in each time zone.

    I am going to be laughing my ass off when all the Christians notice that it is only the people of some obscure group they call a cult are Raptured away.

  • Thackerie

    Here’s when the cRapture will happen … and advice on what to do:

    According to a report on CNN, “…the massive doomsday earthquake will start at the International Date Line before moving west. New Zealand, he [Camping] said, will get hit first – at 6 p.m. local time. And then that wave of destruction will roll around the world, wreaking havoc at 6 p.m. in each time zone.”

    Sooo … all we have to do is watch the news on TV on Saturday. If it happens in New Zealand, we here in the Western Hemisphere will still have plenty of time to get down on our knees and get in on the Rapture. If deathbed conversions are A-OK with the christbots, last-minute conversions of all kinds should be acceptable.

    When it doesn’t happen in New Zealand, we’ll have plenty of time to make a beer-and-pizza run for our (Poor) Judgment Day Parties, which will undoubtedly go on well into May 22.

  • Austin

    First Audi R8 or Mazaradi someone sees I GET DIBS!!!

  • JenniferT

    I wouldn’t bother grabbing the cars, because a man from Mars is going to eat those, just before he starts on the bars and guitars.

    Everything I know about the rapture, I learnt from Blondie.

  • Philip

    @Thackerie: You can do better than New Zealand. It’s 6:00 PM in predominantly Christian Kiribati (UTC+14) when it turns midnight in the Eastern U.S.

    I plan on doing a countdown.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff P

    We need someone to set up a webcam in a conservative religious area and broadcast the rapture to those that live in more liberal non-religious areas.

  • Renee

    Better bands, no cover.

  • Jennine

    I’m fortunate to have been a Christian before becoming an Atheist because it afforded me the perspective of both sides.

    It saddens me that there continues to be such hatred aimed towards theists from a group who considers themselves to be enlightened with truth.

    I pity Christians who devote their lives to a non-existent deity. I can’t bring myself to make fun of them simply because *my* eyes have been opened through reasonable dialogue and thoughtful debate.

    Some of the comments here make me sick to my stomach. I expect better of my fellow Atheists.

  • Cthulhu

    Jennine, I have no problems with mocking someone’s stupidity. The good thing is come Sunday my friends and I are going to have one hell of a party (pun intended)

    • Lauren Baskins

      Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised when you’re mocked for your lack of couth. I agree, Jennine. Unfortunately more enlightened doesn’t mean someone will be less of a douche about their beliefs or lack thereof. That lies strictly with the individual’s personality.